It wouldn’t bother me if somebody wanted to bring a friend on a date. However, I would communicate that it would change the dynamic into a “hangout” over a traditional “date” for me. The difference being that a date carries romantic intent and a hangout is for the sake of connecting with others without romantic expectations. Also, a hangout means everybody pays for themselves.
This takes the pressure off by lowering the stakes since it’s now just a casual hangout between peers. It also has the benefit of making the third not feel excluded as a third wheel but a welcome part of the group.
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
Look at this dude… Being happy
Who do you think you are, flexing your relationship like that.
Last time a chick brought a friend with her, I got on better with the friend… And I went home with the friend. Pro tip, if youre bringing a friend. Dont make it a friend thats better to talk to than you are.
Grey text is looking out for their safety, good for them. Blue text is clearly communicating their boundaries, good for them. Neither is phrasing their needs as I would, but that’s small potatoes. I’d rather date either of these people than most of the ones replying in this thread.
Plot twist. Mate drops the og girl and falls for her friend.
Is she hot? Because if I’m paying for the friend, too, then I’m expecting a threesome at the end.
At the very least you’re doubling your chances of somebody liking you.
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I remember when a date auction at my college worked this way, the girls always came in pairs. When I thought about it afterwards, it made sense, but it still made me feel just apprehensive enough in the moment - being outnumbered in a moment of social vulnerability - that I didn’t bid on anyone.
The idea of paying for a date is weird to me but in that scenario I guess the bright side is twice as many girls to potentially hit it off with at once.
If it matters, the money in that case was going to a charitable cause, not the people you’d date.
Yeah, I get it, it’s still kind of weird to me. If I have to pay for a woman’s attention who wouldn’t be interested otherwise I’d just assume not bother her with it.
Is it still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it? 1825?
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay. However, I think in general in the US most men and women expect the man to pay.
A lot of women consider it a deal breaker to this day
I call those women… never. Had a girl turn up with a friend, everyone paid for their own drinks. And this was in the early 00s.
If it were the girl shouldn’t have any choice.
Now they have things called rights and stuff
Ass
I’m still fucked off that this is where we’re headed as a society - computers deciding what obscenities we can handle
She would lucky if I even showed up. NGL if there is that much distrust from the get, I’m not into it.
I’ve been dating most of my life and never once had a woman ask to bring a friend and I am a very large man. Also, I feel like 1st dates are implied dutch unless someone offers to pay. I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life. I don’t know how he would even think he’d be paying for the friend too. It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do. If a woman expected that at check time, I would be pretty surprised. Maybe I’m just old, but this whole interaction feels weird.
There’s a non insignificant amount of women dating only for free meals, and a lot of them expect men to pay for any number of friends. A lot of guys have opted for lower cost or zero cost first dates, like walks to screen for this.
I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life
Either this person in incredibly tactless or this is some kind of incel meme shitpost.
Either way, whomever is passing it around seems to have a bone to pick.
It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do.
Idk, really depends on the dynamic between them all. If they’re broke college kids and he’s an older person with a stable job and surplus cash? If he’s picking the restaurant to impress her, knowing she can’t afford it? If he already offered up thread in order to entice her out?
But that makes the “date” feel more like a Sugar Baby relationship than a proper date. Also might explain why she feels the need to bring a friend.
Can i bring a friend too, otherwise it’s an uneven fight.
Just skip that and send only your friends on a date.
I finally feel like I can write “dating” off my bucket list.
Just by subcotracting it.
If you’re pregnant that also counts as two
First dates are Dutch. Hard stop.
Anything else is an escort, and at least double means something with them.
You bring your friend, fine, but you or they pay for their meal and yours.
I’m here to see if we match, not serve as a stopgap in the apts food budget.
Going to eat as a first date is bad anyways. Should do something where you are a not forced to sit in front of each other for a fixed amount of time. Why not go for a walk in a park, take a coffee or other things that are more “open”.
Dutch?
Swamp Germans
Means you pay for your own meal. Not sure why it where but probably some racist thing, I assume
I’ve heard it all my life. I just assumed the Dutch were cheap, and won’t pay for anyone else but themselves.
More of a cultural thing, I think. From what I’ve gathered from a friend that lives in the Netherlands the dutch are pretty serious about paying for their own meals and getting people to pay for theirs. I even remember seeing a sketch made by some dutch people where one gives a bite of their sandwich to a coworker or something and then they tell the coworker that they’re owed x amount for it.
it’s not about race, but nation. it’s probably xenophobic
I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.
Or a serial killer that was only interested in double kills
You could have just missed your shot at a threesome. Way to go, 😄
you watch way too much porn
Found the person that’s never had a threesome
Sex does happen in real life, too.
I didn’t say sex doesn’t happen in real life. I said you watch too much porn.
The mind of a man who thinks that a random girl tagging along with a potential first date will agree to have a threesome let alone the first date themselves will agree to normal sex is… a young naive mind who believes that everyone is having spontaneous group sex.
Your mind immediately went to that? Why?
Threesome? If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I’d just have dinner with my parents.
If she’s bringing her friend for safety, there was no shot to begin with
It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.
I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be crass, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
The test was “Is this guy so desperately horny that he’ll pay for meals and drinks for two, even though neither one of us has any intention of having sex with him, and having a friend along makes it even easier to steer the conversation away from any path that might lead to sex?”
Yeah, that’s a test you want to fail. Those women are predators.
Yeah the problem with that conspiracy theory of yours is nowhere in the text does it ever even suggest that there is any expectation that the friend would have to be paid for. Or indeed that the guy in is even being expected to pay for the girls meal.
It also sounds like a first date, which is not something that is usually all that elaborate, so if this is some evil trap to get free food it’s going to basically be a taco maybe a sandwich something not something worth the effort.
Do you understand how conversation works?
When he says he isn’t paying for the friend, the proper thing to say is that he isn’t expected to pay for her, she’s just there for safety.
But she doesn’t say that, she justifies her friend’s presence, which isn’t his issue. His problem is paying for it, and she carefully avoids confirming that she doesn’t expect that, which means that she DOES expect that.
Not once did she tell him that he wouldn’t have to pay for her friend, despite him being very clear that was his objection. She expected him to pay.
Predators
honestly… I would be happy to have more people just for the sake of meeting them and having a fun friends day out. Does not need to be a date. We could just hangout.
Yeah, that’s great if it’s just a hang, but that’s not what this was. This was clearly supposed to be a serious date, the kind that hopefully leads to a relationship, sex, a life together, marriage, kids, retirement, etc.
If I’m taking a girl out for a nice romantic dinner, I’m expecting a certain sort of meeting, and I’m willing to pay significantly more to create the atmosphere in which we can open up and start to explore the idea of a future.
But if she decides she wants to bring a friend, that changes everything. Now the entire dynamic of the date has changed, and we can’t have the kind of personal conversation I’d like to have (and she would want to have, if she was being honest about accepting the date), and splurging on a fancy restaurant is a waste.
If she decides that she’d rather have a fun, casual hang-out, that’s fine, but I was looking for a serious date. I’m not willing to spend the same kind of money on a friendly hang-out as I would on a serious date, and it’s pretty offensive that my date has unilaterally decided that we won’t be having a serious date, we will have a casual hang-out with her friend, but they still expect me to pay for it as if it was that original serious date.
She did not accept this date in Good Faith, and he is under no obligation to indulge her disingenuous behavior. He’s actually lucky that her true nature became apparent BEFORE he spent a lot of money on her. Save that for a girl who isn’t a predator.
To be crass, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
If you believed the person was only coming along to heckle you or otherwise be annoying, I can imagine why.
But why go out at all on these terms?
Dude never said friend can’t come, dude just said he’s not covering her bill.
I’m fine with a girl bringing a buddy or backup but don’t make it a third wheel unless your intention from the start is a menage trios.
ménage à trois?
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What?
Literally: a household of three. A thrupple in modern parlance
the last 2 words in the parent comment should have been these 3
Yeah, but I still have no idea what its meant to be
It means a threesome. I think in French it’s technically “household of three”? But it’s meaning has always been threesome.
yeah my keyboard doesn’t have those funni french accents.
that’s excusable, but you also lost “a” and butchered “trois” 😘
Maybe I just to respect the French language /s
Dude showed he’s annoyed seeing girl seeks protection, by calling the friend RoboCop, and implied she might have wanted him to pay for both, putting carriage before horses.
What you say literally can often show what you think inside, and in a first date scenario every sign will be interpreted
For example, not showing much respect for the female need for protection on a first date can mean dude doesn’t think women have reason to feel unsafe
To be fair to him, his first response was just that he wasn’t paying for her. Her reply to that was about how she invited her for protection but she did not say anything about how they didn’t expect him to pay.
I see… Yeah I’m pretty sure that in such a case, where I’m expected to pay, not even asked to, I would definitely cancel, be it one or two people… This is so uncommon in m6 experience that I didn’t even think that could be a case
Yeah, this definitely gives made up ragebait vibes. I was just commenting based off the content.
They’re having a date in a public restaurant, she doesn’t need “protection.” She can have her friend call mid-date to offer a bail-out excuse, like everyone else does.
The only reason for her friend to be present is to scam a free meal and a bunch of expensive drinks. These girls are predators, get a real date. There are plenty of women who would love to go out to dinner on a real date, not just to scam a free dinner and drinks from some chump.
Yeah… you see, exactly because people who think like you exist, women have to look for clues right away that they are not going to date a misogynist…
Women need protection when meeting with strangers, basically all women have life experience that make them feel they need it. I’m sure you as a guy are able to take no for an answer, but your date doesn’t know that yet, and it takes just one guy who doesn’t to ruin a woman’s dating experience and possibly her health and safety.
I do know women who don’t feel that need, but that’s mostly because they are ignoring their own and their friends’ past experiences. It’s their choice ofc, but it’s universally accepted among women that it’s not a strange thing to do, in fact is the safest thing to do.
If some women then abuse that need to try to freeride, it’s another discussion, and as a guy I would simply drop the date if I were in that situation. But the need exists, it is valid, and not validating this need to your date will raise a red flag.
If some women then abuse that need to try to freeride, it’s another discussion,
No, it’s not “another discussion,” it’s the very discussion that OP wanted to have when he wrote his post.
Everybody wants to talk about women looking for “Red Flags,” and I don’t blame that at all for doing that, but men have just as much right to look for Red Flags as well. They may not be the same Red Flags, women obviously have more safety concerns (justifiably), but men have to watch out for women whose only interest in dating them is to financially exploit them, which is a far more common occurrence than a sexual assault.
We all have the right to refuse to be exploited. She can insist on bringing a chaperone, but he shouldn’t be expected to pay for her, and if that’s a deal-breaker, than it becomes pretty clear that they were only interested in taking advantage of him.
Your read of the situation is pretty tilted, ngl.
He said he’s not paying for her, the implication is they are going out to eat for a date. Not chilling at home or somewhere in private. Bestie can chill somewhere else other than at the table the date is happening at, if homegirl feels threatened or scared of the guy she can signal for bestie.
I can totally understand wanting a trusted friend around to ensure a date goes fine, hell ive done it several times for girls and guys I’m friends with. But that safety net can stay in the background and doesn’t need to be at the table interfering with the date. But never once did I expect the friend I was wingmanning for to buy me food or drink while I hovered in the background. All homegirl had to say is bestie is paying their own way or homegirl was gonna give her some money.
She’s covering her butt, understandably, by bringing a friend, and he’s covering his by stating he’s not paying for the third wheel.
Mh is he not showing he’s annoyed by her friend tagging along? And why bringing money up?
I mean, if it were happening to me, where I live, I wouldn’t even think she was going to expect me to pay not even for herself, and if she ends up expecting or pressuring me, I just know she’s not the one. What’s there to be scared of? Worst case scenario I just leave my part on the table and go away
I know of memes about women going to first fates just to have nights out without paying, but it’s very far from what I see happening where I live, and I suspect it’s just manophase echo chamberism. Because, again, one can just put their part on the table and leave, and perhaps date within one’s social circle so to avoid this kind of social distortion
This play is regarded as a common ploy.
