I had a driving instructor who was specialised in people with fear for driving. He actually helped me manage the anxiety while driving. Maybe it’s a good idea to find someone like that and take a few lessons? It’s very common to take lessons again after not having driven for a long time.

There is such good advice here. I’ll add a little more.

Background: I’ve been driving for over 20 years. I used to do long distance drives (8+ hours daily), over mountain passes, fog, rain, snow, darkness, you name it.

Recently had some of the most stressful times in my life, and I’ve been having panic attacks behind the wheel. This was about 5 months ago, so I’ve worked my, way back to driving 4h in a day in city and on highway.

What really helped me get back to driving again was starting really slow. I used to be so afraid of even thinking about getting behind the wheel again, so I’d start by just sitting in it. Get comfortable and take as long as you need. Remember - you’re in control. You control, not the car, not your panic. Self talk helped me a lot. Once you overcome this, you level up.

Next, I had my partner (find someone you trust who is going to support you not make fun or mock you) with me, and we would do short drives on a familiar route that didn’t involve big streets or highways. This way, I can pull over at any time.

A little thing that did help me was a little heat pack in my pocket or lap. When I felt a panic attack threatening to come on, my hands get cold so I hold on to the heat pack. I’d also remember to breathe deep through my belly, because sometimes I realise I’m taking only shallow breaths through my chest only. My psychologist also mentioned that temperature helps, especially cold… So maybe an ice pack wrapped in a towel on your lap might help too.

When we do our grocery drives, we take the same route all the time. He wouldn’t ask me to drive, he would always assume that he’s driving, and I’ll ask when I’m ready. This support person shouldn’t be pressuring you at all. You are in control.

Eventually, you get comfortable with the patterns, and you can slowly move up from that. I’m driving in my own again without heat packs or my partner beside me.

I’m not too sure about the height thing and what can be safely used, so I’m sorry I can’t provide any suggestions. Someone did say a cushion, and I imagine there are things out there that strap securely to the seat and you’d be able to use safely.

It’ll take a lot of time, but you can overcome your fears. I felt so helpless and hopeless when I first had to put my car keys down, but it feels so good to have a set of wheels again. It offers so much more freedom. The end goal is being comfortable and confident driving. You are stronger than you think. 💪

Find some very large empty parking lots to just mess around with. Put outs like paper bags or things that you can run over with your wheels, maybe some water balloons. Practice control and precision. If you find a open enough space there’s no real risk

Once I passed, my family decided that I’d get over my fears by forcing me to drive, every single day, for weeks, with the whole family in the car, yelling, mocking me…

As I’m sure you’re well aware, this is not only a massive dick move, but the worst way possible to “help” someone in your position learn. It’s a training method I actively discourage at work, as someone who’s nervous should be allowed to focus on the task at hand and not have to worry about making their trainer angry. I’m a quality inspector who directly observes and evaluates indivuals performing work, and I’ve found it’s almost always best to back off and remain quiet unless a clear safety issue presents itself. I am utterly and completely baffled by their choices, that was an unforgivably stupid way to handle the situation, and I hope you’re doing okay.

This is, as others have mentioned, a time to take things in small steps. Drive in off peak hours, small distances, and at average speeds until you build confidence. Adopt a mantra of “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast” as you develop skills and gain confidence in new situations. So long as you’re not impeding traffic, you’re under no obligation to meet or exceed the speed limit, tailgate, run yellow lights, or do any of the other bullshit things sloppy and impatient drivers often do. Worry about yourself and your car, drive defensively, and remember you aren’t responsible for someone getting upset just because you drive safely.

This isn’t exposure therapy for anxiety, and thrusting someone into a situation that makes them deeply uncomfortable never helps. Instead, think of it as practice and skill development. Confidence and reduced stress will build with time as patterns and skills are reinforced, but only if you develop your abilities at a natural pace instead of forcing the issue.

My wife took her license during a stressful time of her life and never really got comfortable driving in “new situations” or the motorway (freeway).

She took more lessons with a driving instructor. Just because you have your license doesn’t mean you can’t take more driving lessons. It helped her lots.

Thank you for the encouragement ❤️

I finally got my license at 27. I HATED driving, found it difficult to multitask and just the constant adrenaline made me miserable.

I got over it because I had to after moving too far away from work to continue commuting by bike. At first I stuck to driving short, known routes. It eventually becomes muscle memory and the anxiety will lessen. I just wanted to let you know you can do it. It will suck but you’ll get there.

General advice: Forcing it rarely helps. Baby steps!

Driving advice based on the above: Get in your car. Turn the engine on. Move your car a meter forward or back. That’s enough for today.

Then tomorrow (or some other day, no pressure) move it a bit further.

At some point you’ll hopefully be comfortable taking it on the road. Do it in the middle of the night, or some other time with minimal traffic. You don’t have to go far, you just have to experience driving on your own terms.

I hear most anxiety when it comes to driving isn’t so much the act itself, but more to do with other drivers. My idea with the above is to make you at least be comfortable driving on your own, and hopefully you’ll be able to ease into it with the few cars you may encounter.

And just for the record driving in heavy traffic is awful for experienced drivers too.

I have pretty bad driving anxiety, not quite as bad as what you describe, but enough that I basically avoid driving as much as possible. I’ve been driving for ~10 years now, and it has not gotten better on its own. I think your best option is to talk to a counselor if you need to drive

On the “promised me freedom” thing: ever considered a bike? That got me more freedom than a car ever did.

Then again, that’s Europe. If you live in the US, or just anywhere in the Americas, that won’t work of course

I really recommend a defensive driving course. You are able to learn with a professional on a closed circuit with controlled conditions and are able to be 1000% safe in being able to test the your limits and learn without any fear of failure or harm. They get plenty of people that are really a wreck behind a wheel and slowly you start to gain confidence and all the things getting in your head and in the way of simply driving become more second nature because of the atmosphere and setup.

With the things you learn, however little, driving in a road with other cars becomes something you see from a different perspective, a lot of what paralyses you will fall away because you have so much more experience with just driving a car and you will be able to focus on the basics like driving straight and behind other cars within the limits of the rules of the road. If not, at the very least you will find a new passion for vehicles off the road and on a track. It is worth all the money and more and very much a compliment to any traditional driving schools or instructors as it’s putting you IN control.

It’s better to shield yourself against the slings and arrows of the world because you cannot avoid them. Be aware they exist and treat them as the big fat nothings they are. There are way more nice humans in the world than not nice ones. It’s just that the not nice ones are way louder. Good luck!

Others have good advice. But my advice is literally to just go do it (without your family in the car). Pick a place to go and drive there, just on slow neighborhood streets if need be. Just racking up hours behind the wheel is gonna be 90% of the solution.

Just trying is a good first step. You don’t need to finish it. Just try and see how it goes.

Maybe try to spend time in your car just sitting. Then getting comfortable with your seat position. Then put things around your car to get some imagination of your actual blindspots. Then maybe driving and practicing in empty parking lots.

Then when you’re actually comfortable maybe get a good instructor who can spend time with you and get you comfortable on the road.

If it’s not your thing. Then it’s not your thing. That’s cool too.

Also, if you can talk to a therapist. They can give you some good exercises to calm you down and put things into perspective.

Not really the same situation, but I got my driver’s license at 43 years old. Leading up to me taking lessons, I was overthinking the whole process. So a few thoughts from that angle for the driving itself:

• take some refresher lessons with an instructor. For me it was reassuring to have a professional in the car. That should help you with the distance calculation bit.
• when you start driving on your own, try to avoid high stress situations. Like, avoid rush hour, take short trips on routes your familiar with.
• somewhat the opposite, but not really: take a road trip. Go somewhere quiet, into the country side. Gain familiarity and confidence.
• as you get more used to it, you’ll find that it becomes more and more normal and less stressful.
• drive defensively. Leave space. If others butt in, let them and give them space.

For some other points you mentioned:

• get a cushion to raise you up if you can’t adjust the seat height. I am average height and did that to get better visibility.
• blind spots are also car dependent. Are you tired to a specific car, or can you shop around, maybe for something smaller?