So… I got my diver’s license as soon as I turned 18. It was a very stressful period of my life, and I hated everything about driving. They promised me freedom, but I got shackled.
Passing the exam as a nightmare (took me 3 attempts) and even during the lessons the professor saw how horribly tense I was. I got sick just by thinking about the car.
Once I passed, my family decided that I’d get over my fears by forcing me to drive, every single day, for weeks, with the whole family in the car, yelling, mocking me…
I had several panic attacks that were dismissed as lack of maturity, and I stopped driving. It’s been years.
But now I’m going to have to get better at this due to circumstances, and I’m scared.
I feel that I can’t focus on all the elements of the road, I have a very hard time calculating distances because I’m very short (edit: 1’50m, if that is relevant) and barely see above the wheel, I have to move the seat so close to the wheel that I fear that if one day the airbag jumps, I’ll suffocate. My blind spots seem infinite.
My car is automatic, so no stick to worry about.
If you have read all I wrote, I’ll greatly appreciate any advice or encouragement. Thank you
As I’m sure you’re well aware, this is not only a massive dick move, but the worst way possible to “help” someone in your position learn. It’s a training method I actively discourage at work, as someone who’s nervous should be allowed to focus on the task at hand and not have to worry about making their trainer angry. I’m a quality inspector who directly observes and evaluates indivuals performing work, and I’ve found it’s almost always best to back off and remain quiet unless a clear safety issue presents itself. I am utterly and completely baffled by their choices, that was an unforgivably stupid way to handle the situation, and I hope you’re doing okay.
This is, as others have mentioned, a time to take things in small steps. Drive in off peak hours, small distances, and at average speeds until you build confidence. Adopt a mantra of “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast” as you develop skills and gain confidence in new situations. So long as you’re not impeding traffic, you’re under no obligation to meet or exceed the speed limit, tailgate, run yellow lights, or do any of the other bullshit things sloppy and impatient drivers often do. Worry about yourself and your car, drive defensively, and remember you aren’t responsible for someone getting upset just because you drive safely.
This isn’t exposure therapy for anxiety, and thrusting someone into a situation that makes them deeply uncomfortable never helps. Instead, think of it as practice and skill development. Confidence and reduced stress will build with time as patterns and skills are reinforced, but only if you develop your abilities at a natural pace instead of forcing the issue.
I’m very grateful for your answer. I’m definitely going to take small steps, and they can laugh at me as much as they want.
At one point my father decided that the best idea was to make me face my fears by forcing me to drive up a mountain, through an old road. This road went both directions but only had enough width for 1 car, and safety fences only at some points.
I went up decently, but when I had to drive down, the cliffs terrified me and a car was coming from the opposite direction.
I don’t remember how I got home, and that was the last time I drove.
I appreciate your concern, thank you, really.