An arranged marriage between you and the wall people should ensure peace between you.
She’s valid, fuck those wall people
They don’t want her to fuck them. They don’t even like her.
Plot twist: the Wall People actually love you — they just hate bedtime negotiations. Kids are tiny chaos goblins with great one-liners 😅
The Man in the Wall is always watching.
He’s been pretty quiet lately, though. I wonder what he’s up to? It isn’t like I gave his finger back or anything.
I think my Man in the Wall got tired of watching more masturbate all the time. I did offer them to join me,
The Wall People?
The Wall Street People?
Fucking kids really are incorporated these days, they have shareholders and boards…
Maybe the walls were thin in his house and he could hear his parents complaining about her, he was trying to warn her.
This is the same logic as taking the battery out of the smoke alarm to stop the noise
I mean, yeah. We all do that.
Does everyone else not have a battery organizer case with a battery tester and a reserve of each type of battery proportional to the number in use among household devices, arranged by capacity?
I may have misrepresented myself here. My battery case is something like that, but about a quarter the size/capacity. I pretty much just have two replacements for each application so that I can practice FIFO while ordering replacements for restocking.
…no?
You’re not crazy. Just autistic. Probably.
That was prefect. A story in three images.
Lit fam 🔥
I have heard the smoke alarm many, many times.
I have never been in a burning building
Until the one time…
Gotta keep the Boy Who Cried Wolf around in case there’s a wolf.
One of mine flunked out and false positived every few minutes after midnight. After the third time I accepted the risk and took the battery out for the night. The next day it went back to normal.
You have to show them you mean business.
As a parent to five kids (too many, don’t be me) I’d welcome the Wall People over some.of the things I’ve had to deal with. Weird I can deal with, gross on a long term consistent basis drives me nuts.
I knew a large family with 10 kids growing up. The last 4 called themselves the “too manies”.
Damn, we have 7 cats and that’s far too many. I can’t imagine the hell having 10 children must be.
I had a classmate who was the youngest of 10. Always smelled bad, but otherwise an okay kid. I think the family was poor. Not surprising, having had to feed 12 people. I wonder how many of them have had kids of their own by now and if any chose to have many or none at all.
I’ve known a few families with 6 or more kids, and in nearly all cases, each of those kids goes on to have 6+ kids.
I once dated a girl who was one of five, and they were the smallest branch of the family. Each of her parents came from 8 kids, and each of those 8 kids had at least 6. I went to a family holiday weekend party, and there were HUNDREDS of people, all related, and all within a couple of generations.
I was one of two, my wife is an only child, and we only had one. My brother had two. Any more than that sounds exhausting. We had a bunch of cats instead of a bunch of kids.
When 10 cents for a condom is too much, but 18 years is just fine
The were like the quiverfulls but didn’t call themselves that. I can’t remember the name. The parents* believed every child that could be born, should be born. It was their duty.
I knew some Pentecostal families like that. They didn’t call it anything but they definitely believed every child that could be born, should be. Didn’t practice any sort of birth control and had a dozen kids over 20 years.
Yeah, it wasn’t Pentecostal, but had a name. I wish I could remember it. The kids were nice but always were tired and had that look of abuse. I don’t think they were abused like hitting, but they all had to take care of the younger ones or themselves. They were always tired. Funny, but tired.
Yeah the ones I knew (the kids) were pretty decent people. They mostly didn’t like the strict lifestyle and mostly tended to gtfo their parents home as soon as possible.
Catholics were known for that for a long time, some still practice it.
The Latter Day Saints (Mormons) also tend to have very large families.
The fuck you live condoms are 10 cents lol
A box of them can be had for a few bucks, with like 25 each. Hell, you can go to some places (planned parenthood style facilities) and they are free to take from a bowl on the front counter.
I spent like $15 a few years ago and got like 50 fancy ‘variety pack’ style with various brands in them. Big spender over here!
Though I went galaxy-brain, with my mind being all ‘oooh boys 🥰’, so I don’t need to worry about wrapping up to prevent a kiddo myself :P
I don’t get it, you would ask them to help out or what? 😁
Free babysitting FTW
All in all youre just another brick
I don’t have an, education
I don’t have no, self control
No nice diploma
On my hallway wall
No I
Didn’t learn a god damned thing at all
All in all I just skipped school
And hung out at the mall
Guess that must make me someone the Wall People approve of then? Omfg it’s crazy I constantly just have random kids come up to me and just chill with me. Just randomly at Doctor’s offices, grocery stores, waiting outside my kids’ schools, sitting at the park, basically anywhere. It’s like that scene in the Santa Clause where Scott’s just starting to turn and kids start coming up to him to tell him what they want for Christmas just… obviously less exaggerated.
It gets awkward sometimes because I’m 6’2" tall, built like a fridge cosplaying Bigfoot, and look very male. Despite being nonbinary and asexual, I’m very aware that I look exactly like the kind of person that people think shouldn’t be around children. I dreamed of going into like childcare for a career, even had a little baby doll I’d take care of while my Mom took care of my baby brother doing things I couldn’t help her with.
But between my Dad “not wanting (me) to grow up to be some kind of f(slur),” and thus getting rid of the doll the first chance he could, and learning very quickly the hostility the world has to amab people caring for young kids, I didn’t have that career ambition for long.
God, it’s remarkable how similar that is to me. I’m not ace, and I’m only NB in secret, but holy shit. Same. My dad’s reaction was less awful, though
My Mom couldn’t believe how mad he was about the doll thing too. As if it was completely impossible for me to… I don’t know… be a father one day and take care of a baby or anything. But he waited for a family we were acquainted with to have lost their things in a house fire and convinced me to give it to their little girl who lost all her toys.
Of course I was too young to actually remember this whole thing, But he was definitely a big part of the reason that I joke that I’m nonbinary because I got fired for incompetence from being male lmao.
Ha! I love that joke at the end.
It is tough being AMAB and loving the caring aspects of life. It’s as if the world sees you as a predator, and inside you’re just wanting to protect and love and care. It’s sad :(
Hehe, yeah the humor helps to deal with the bad of it. Luckily I found people that I can be me around. That helps too.
Ask not what the wall people can do for you. Ask what you can do for the wall people.
The Wall People: [whispering loudly in chorus]: “We crave incarnation. Give us your fleshshsh that we may return to the world of humansssss.”
Me: “Well, that’s not going to happen. You wanna watch some trash TV? I’ve seen you watching over my shoulder.”
The Wall People: “Fleshshsh…fleshshsh, fleshshsh…”
Me: “Alright, alright! I could invite Randy over. He’s been lonely for a while and might enjoy the company of having some psychospiritual roommates in his head.”
The Wall People: "Raaaaandyyyy? The one who “saves it for later” when he gets nachos stuck in his beard and says “females have unreasonably high standards for men. That Raaaandyyy?”
Me: “Yeah, maybe you can help him see things differently and, y’know, makes some changes.”
The Wall People: “sssssssss…”
Me: "Yes?
The Wall people: “…ssssset Hulu to play the Secret Lives of Mormon Houswives.”
Me: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
[Later]
The Wall People: “Whhhhyyyyy do Jessi and Whitney remain friends after publicly accusing each other?”
Me: [through a mouthful of potato chips]: “I don’t know, but if someone accused me of being a manipulator, I would not hang out with them.”
The Wall People: “Manipulator? The other one betrayed her trusssssst!”
Me: “Look, I’m not taking sides here. You can’t take this stuff too seriously. It’s not functionally real for us, if it’s even objectively real at all. If you can’t handle that, we can always switch over to Bluey, Paw Patrol, or PBS Kids.”
The Wall People: “Fffffiiine. I am calm nowwwww. Paaaaassss the chipssss.”
Me: “That’s a good legion of wall-dwelling, disembodied spirits.”
The Wall People: [Crunching noises]
I’ve had worse roommates.
Say what you will about The Wall People, but they’re nothing if not tidy.
But what if the Wall People don’t approve of you because you won’t fart into other peoples’ mouths?
Then you just fuck the wall people and it evens out.
Misread that as
I don’t have chicken
Resolve to stay off the broth in 2026.
Anyone else see Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” movie & immediately think of faceless children upon reading this? Those are “The Wall People.”
I was thinking of the Pillar Men.
I guess I’m one of the only people watching SNL now and then
