Are you sure you’re a dancing bear? Are you related to the masturbating bear from Conan O Brian’s late night show in the 90s?

I do not understand life. My best guess is that none of this is real. The matrix is glitching. PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND LIFE!!! I DON’T GET REALITY!!!

I’ve never seen any mcdonalds advertise or service 24/7 schedules. Not since the pandemic.

Walmart and Target stopped too.

Walgreens/CVS is the only thing I know that still does 24/7.

If the 90s taught me anything, it’s that hacking is done exclusively on monochrome green monitors, with dos. Except once they hack in, the monitor is full color, and somehow has access to every video camera on the planet. With the ability to enhsnce resolution seemingly to magical levels where you can see a clear reflection in someones pupil.

ENHANCE!!!

Many are 24/7.

Lies detected.

What does their basketball skills have to do with this?

/s

ETA? Estimated Time of Arrival?

One of us doesn’t know what that stands for. I feel like the time my grandpa died, and mom sent me an email telling me “We’re going to the funeral this Friday to pay respects to grandpa. LOL!”

I was quite confused. Turns out she grew up with “Lots Of Love”. For a second she seemed like she turned into an absolute psychopath, for like…no reason.

How did you find a photo of me, with an accurate caption?

Nice.

Ugh. Poor unskilled photographer doesn’t even have the frame in focus. Look how blurry that bush looks! It’s almost as pixelated as an Asians genitals!

I’m not entirely clued in to the situation, but as I walked past a tv yesterday the headline said something like “121 dead in flood, including 24 children. 68 still missing”.

So…trump is celebrating the death of children and others. There’s no other way to say this. People died, including children, and trump applauded the outcome.

Or am I missing something? Because I don’t think I am.

Prison isn’t designed for rehabilitation. It’s designed for legalized slavery.

I used to see my cat do this. She’d look at me, as if to ask permission to hunt the bug. And I’d always say in a playful voice “Git dat bug! Get em! Didja get em??? Get dat bug!”

Which I’m glad she always “asked”, because one time a bee flew in. And she gave her little look and meow that said “get him?” And I was like “NOOOOOOOO!!!” and grabbed her collar. Then I said “Thats Frank. We don’t get Frank. We open the window, and let Frank go, because he’s good for the environment! Also he will stab you.”

And then my cat said “Wow! You sure do make a lot of friends when you leave the house every day for roughly 10 hours, AND NEVER INVITE ME OR BRING ME!!! Then sometimes you come home smelling like other cats? You think I don’t notice? Yeah I just don’t say anything! But now you’re bringing psychopaths into my home??? No no no sir! This has gone too far! You got some explaining to do mister!!!”

And then Frank said “Excuse me, fine lady and sir. I seem to have gotten seperated from my colony and daily life of having sex with flowers. Could you by chance help me by opening this window a tad? I would be most gracious!”

So then my cat said “I thought you said he was a stabber?”

And Frank said “Only in self defense, fair lady! For I am but a humble bumble bee. I make honey with my bisexual bee bois. We have a whole nest just out past yonder.”

And then the duck said “Quack quack!”

And I said “When did we get a duck?”

I love how when I started reading this comment, I thought it was going to be some deep dive into the structural integrity of the main bag being compromised by the wet bags, and it would lead to some analogy of how compromised our systems are.

Nope. Just a confusing shot at republicans that you didn’t see coming even as you read it. Like POW! HOW YA LIKE ME NOW??? and you’re just reading it like…

Oh ho ho ho! hearty chuckle

And then you get sad because you remember the whole world is still one massive dumpster fire.

Jeff Apple is walking down the stairs. I’ve met Jeff Apple. All the Apples really. Big family. Yuuuuge Apple family, some might say. And I’ll say it. Because nobody is saying it enough. Folks, wouldn’t it be great if we could all build a great big Apple?

“could be”.

:(

hug

Thats why I get downvoted for saying if I got in office as president, Day 1, universal health care, universal basic income, everyone gets manditory free vaccines, and everybody gets slapped in the face.

People just think it’s a bad idea for some reason.

No no no. I’ll make it more exciting to watch.

Ok, so first off, everybody loves violence. So the first thing we’re doing is giving every player a knife. They’re free to use it however they like. Except the goalie. The goalie gets a chainsaw. All the refs gets flame throwers.

Ok, so next we want to increase female viewership. So now all the athletes are going to have a uniform that is only a bra and panties, sponsered by Victoria Secret.

No more groups. It’s now one group. Elimination tournament style.

And now, the soccer ball is filled with a bunch of beans. These beans are filled with rice size atomic bombs. If the ball is shot with a special liquid, the protective layer around the ball is melted away. And now the ball is one big explosive with a timer. Nobody knows when it’ll blow up. This is only used in sudden death overtime.

And the airplanes above the field release toxin gas that makes everybody horny as hell. That’s when drunk people in the stands start fucking.

Your dad sounds awesome!

Unclear if you worked for the army, or for Mcdonalds. Either way you were probably paid about the same, and had to go to war every day.