Good and bad
Rigidly defined areas of playful exploration and experimentation.
Deceptively chill with an affinity for water. Like a capybara.
this gave me a good laugh, haha
a mixed bag, tbh - I struggle with low self esteem and engage in a lot of negative self-talk; I can struggle to take care of myself and that can cause distress to people who care about me; I can be unreliable or have trouble structuring myself; but I’m extremely loyal and dedicated, and I am attentive and happy to listen and also to be a “thought-partner”. I’m also considered a good cook, and happy to do all the cooking. I’m dedicated to egalitarian labor divisions, so I try to pull my weight and always looking for ways to make my partner’s life easier or to share in their burden.
I guess I have little sense of whether I’m a good partner or not, but my partner insists they like me, lol
Challenging and confusing, I imagine. Traditionally “romantic” gestures give me the ick and I end up pushing away anyone who displays that kind of interest. I want to be comfortable and cozy together, not put on a pedestal and certainly not worshipped. The idea of being the center of someone’s world is terrifying, we need to be a good part of each others. I’m also pretty self-reliant and most people seem to need to feel needed, so…
tl;dr cat person
I like to think I’m a good girlfriend. I’m thoughtful, considerate and encourage the other person to self develop without unnecessarily pressuring them. I can be high maintenance cos I’m highly strung, but I think I more than balance it out.
my partner and I are both high-strung (both workaholics with high standards, both first-children, both parentified growing up, etc.), which really can create an imbalanced environment sometimes 😅
I’ll bet! You match though which is important
ha, we are definitely on the same page on many things, and that is important; but we’re also extremely different in ways that work, too
good and bad
Oh, I only have one of those.
Kind of a mess of contradictory problems that shouldn’t be able to coexist and the occasional tragic virtue.if a train wreck had too many dimensions and was also cursed.
I’m a serious contender if anyone wants to date for a bit and have a crazy next girlfriend competition though.
Very affectionate
Bloody sleepy and generally pretty damn lesbian.
Occasional humoristic and science infodumping while having wholesome sex or cuddling. (Also handholding, but let’s not talk about that).
I’m like an extroverted introvert. I’m very content with spending most of my time with my special person. I like alternating between staying indoors and going out. Love nature. Down to travel. I’ll try things out of my comfort zone, maybe just give me a bit of mental preparation. I value having a work/life balance. Oh! I can cook without a recipe.
I just asked my boyfriend. He says I’m a “girly tomboy.” Also: “this dichotomy of being a natural tomboy but was sheltered and trained not to be as a kid.” 😆
I suck at planning and tend to do things on a whim. I could be more thoughtful and sensitive to others’ feelings. Sometimes I can be a bit too oblivious and my BF has to later explain what the heck was between the lines in the text convo or social situation.
I consider myself honest and respectful. I value these qualities the most. Honesty and respect during disagreements is a must.
I handle problems by shutting down so if I’m upset or mad or you’re upset at me I’m not going to have a discussion about it in the moment. I need time and space. I will go silent. Eventually I’ll work through it and we can talk but it’s going to take a day or so.
I’m very organized and financially literate so there’s nothing being paid late and there’s a savings that will allow for trips and other treats, on top of the emergency fund.
I’m pretty good at gift-giving. I don’t do all the holidays but I can find something to get you that you didn’t think you wanted or needed.
I don’t have a lot of friends. So my partner is all I have.
I’m borderline asexual I think and I will not initiate. It’s not that I have a bad time with sex I just never want to.
I have really good work-life balance (especially for a teacher) so I’m not always working late or working at home.
My family is kinda fucked up (:
Loving, devoted, fun, and insecure
Haha that’s an excellent description
I need permission to answer this
I’ve realized over the last decade that I really don’t belong in a relationship so, this is all filtered through that realization:
First of all, I’m incapable of choosing mentally healthy partners, and they probably wouldn’t want me if I could. Can’t say I’d blame them even slightly. I’m not a very good partner, especially long-term. Short term it’s fine for the partner, as I’m a people pleaser big time, but then I get tired of being second in my own life, and resent being taken for granted…
And I have no sex drive. None at all. I’m fairly certain I’m asexual, but that realization took me almost 35 years (largely due to the social messaging aimed at women that being turned on isn’t really important, it’s your job to please men etc etc.). I also tend to find women substantially more aesthetically appealing, but I don’t actually want to sex them. (I’ve tried; it wasn’t better)
And on top of no sex drive, I was raised by a cold and distant single mother -I have no memories of affection as a child- so I genuinely never even think about being spontaneously affectionate with partners… it just doesn’t occur to me. And if they try to initiate too often, it becomes very off-putting for me. Suffocating.
However, I’m supportive (to a fault) and try to encourage positive life changes. But due to my own history, I tend to choose deeply flawed partners (mostly alcoholics and abusers), so they end up (emotionally or otherwise) dependent on me, which conflicts with my inability to be affectionate…
It’s just a mess honestly.
But I’m also just happier on my own, not having to deal with what someone else wants from me, or my disappointment in not getting what I need or was promised from them. I don’t have to maintain someone else’s standards, I don’t have to put my own desires on the back burner because their life is imploding because they fucked up again in the exact same way they fucked up the last 10 times, I don’t have to feel like shit for not being better for them, or not “fixing” them. I think I’m pretty ok as-is in other contexts, though. Not great, but not as bad as relationships tend to make me feel about myself.
(I’ve tried for decades to “fix” who I am in this regard. If it can actually be done, which I doubt, I don’t have the energy for it at this point, nor the desire to keep trying. It simply isn’t worth it to waste even more of my life on something I realize I don’t really want… I’d like more friends though…)
I feel for you, and I can so relate to so much of what you just said. Sadly. My mother was horrid in every way imaginable, (but not single). I keep choosing abusive types because I had it normalised. I would like to say I’m no longer a people pleaser, but I couldn’t tell you if that’s true, I’ve worked through some of it, maybe. I have realised how that’s self abandonment and unfair to the person in question, because as you mention, you will resent them. It’s a defence mechanism. After what I realised I was really dating, in the last relationship I tried, I don’t feel safe to date again. I keep choosing the abusive types because they feel normal / were normalised by my childhood. And I’ve questioned things and felt asexual. I’ve also learned about limerance and that wanting to be wanted, in a relationship is trauma. I don’t quite understand that last one yet. Learning comphet flipped my world. The second reason I’m staying away from relationships is because I’ve predominantly dated guys, but I don’t trust they could ever be a true partner in the way I can be or similarly expect back, through no fault of their own, but also, I don’t see them working on it, generally speaking.
As a partner I’m hugely attentive. But I burn out on people and then I’m just done with them. But by then I am usually, also, noticing hugely toxic stuff.
I’m in therapy currently, and I want to address some of that, but I really don’t like my therapist.
I think in some ways we’ve lived a similar trajectory.
After what I realised I was really dating, in the last relationship I tried, I don’t feel safe to date again.
Yeah… just… yep. Same boat.
I appreciate you responding to me and sharing, it really helps knowing I’m not alone on this weirdly specific island.
I wish I had words that would relieve it for either or both of us, or anyone else… but I don’t. Maybe someday we’ll both have words for the next lady.
A long time ago in my youth, I had this issue where, I didn’t realise till I turned around and looked behind me, that I hadn’t been single, ever. I was jumping from relationship to relationship, and right then I swore I would build a me that was comfortable alone, happy with my own company, treat myself as if I am the person I’m dating, take myself places, just because, you know. Find me. We spend the most time on this earth with ourselves as company, that’s always gotta be the best relationship of all. Any time I need a break from anything, dating, the world, I pick that adventure back up, like an heirloom knitting creation, and I keep building on it. So that’s where I am, right now. Feel free to join me, the water is devine.
I guess I’m supportive, loving and infinitely patient :)
I love showing my affection as much as possible. Hugs, kisses, and ‘I love you’s’ from me are mandatory when my partner leaves the house :)I do have the tendency to consider my own wants and needs secondary to my partner’s happiness.
Which isn’t healthy, but it’s like my default response when the two conflict. Thankfully my partner often recognizes this and will insist I think of myself as well.I don’t really know. Bad.
I say I don’t know because it’s been at least 10 years since I last even tried, and I’ve grown and done a lot of self discovery in the mean time. But I was absolutely hopeless at relationships.
Every ‘relationship’ I’ve had was initiated by the other person. And in most of them I felt pretty clueless and unsure of what to do or how to go about doing it, like I missed the class on how to. We would usually end up as better friends after an awkward couple of weeks or months.
The one or two where I did actually get something like ‘romantic’ feelings and try to play the role, I was pretty much just an awful mix of too intense and emo.
It sounds like I’m talking about a lot of people but honestly it’s hard for me to define a “romantic partner”. It’s always been more like friends that flirted and danced for a while. Or a fling at most. And if it sounds like I was getting a lot of action or something, most of it was doomed before it ever got that far.
And I know this is getting long now but just want to say, if I do start dabbling in being more than friends again, I think I’d like to practise relationship anarchy. For the lack of traditional expectations or rules to follow seeing as I don’t know them anyway.
I don’t think I would be polyamorous though. I’m pretty sure I’m actually somewhere in the realm of both aromantic and ace but (typical for me) I still haven’t got around to actually doing research on the meanings and the variations like demi or grey.
TL;DR - Bad.
