reminds me of one ex-colleague - we worked at an outsourcing firm. It’s a place where you get a paycheck nothing more - the basic course of action is to do everything at half speed because your coke-loving managers will dump more shit to do otherwise. Then comes this lady - first big job opportunity and shit - she was hyperactive overachiever who stayed late and undermined literally anyone by pointing out that anything could be do better and FASTER. And the management fucking loved it. Then she got promoted way over her head and started blaming everyone else for lack of results that were built upon unrealistic expectations she established. Burned out a quarter into her promotion and quit.
I mean.
It sounds like everyone else actually was the problem.
it would’ve been if it was regular tech product company. The aforementioned company used to do shit like Tinder for doctors and mental health chatbots that literally just use ELIZA but cost 100k. People who say modern AI startups are grifters ain’t seen the real shit.
Some companies actively disincentivize liking the company on a basic level. Outsourcing firms tend to heavily be that way.
Working in outsourcing is basically biding your time in-between jobs where you actually do shit. You either start there and go elsewhere as soon as you get a portfolio strong enough to get noticed or go back because you need money and this cool startup fell apart. Most of the time - the outsourcing company is not even about software development or anything - it’s just money laundering where folks do some basic apps so it seems legit but it is just to move money in-between offshore accounts. Because of that there is almost an informal agreement that we’re all there from paycheck to paycheck until something better comes up so any time someone who actually wants to work shows up and starts making noise - it’s not good.
I’m usually on the other end of this. One of my favorite responses is “You seem to have a problem for every solution. “
Maybe they don’t want to. In some cultures it’s expected that you realize them giving an excuse with an easy solution means they just don’t feel like it. They’re not too dumb to see the solutions themselves.
Yeah, of course. Pretty sure this person knows this and is calling them out for being liars. Which, I’m all for. Just say “Nah, no thanks. Maybe next time.” Or something along those lines. I would rather you tell me my plans sound boring than lie to my face.
Yeah. The worst is when you’re at work and need them to do things and they pull these dumb excuses to try to get out of doing their job.
That’s why i don’t social well. So many weird rules – changing sometimes with the village – and all of them implicit and expecting a “normal” person that can catch the slight hints because they aren’t overwhelmed with doing the important bits right.
I don’t like to be required to 1)guess correctly that they’re lying to me and 2)indulge them in the lie. Especially since it’d also be considered rude of me to get 1) wrong.
Absolutely, just as they don’t like to be required to be impolite just so you understand. This is why communication is sometimes complicated. I wouldn’t call it a lie, but a truth transmitted differently than what you’re used to.
It’s a lie.
Not all lies are evil and manipulative but it’s a lie nonetheless.
The secret to good communication and the solution to issues like this is to stare the horse in the face and clarify what their expectations are, what’s expected of you, and what they mean.
It’s awkward as fuck the first few times you do it but it always helps clear the water.
It’s a lie as much as saying “good thanks” when someone asks you how you are. In my world, everyone understands “good thanks” is just a polite thing to say, not actually how I’m feeling at the moment. Sure, I guess you can call it that if you want, but I don’t believe it’s morally wrong the way most actual lies are.
I guess I just don’t understand why being untruthful is considered more rude than being honest. I find being untruthful much more rude. Being untruthful and expecting me to guess that that’s what’s happening is what’s making the exchange complicated, it could be quite simple if they told the truth.
I suppose it’s a way of saying something along the lines of “I’m not feeling like it but I appreciate you enough to try to not be hurtful.” This form of implicit communication works very well in close-knit communities, but once you start mixing people with different backgrounds, it becomes much more efficient to be direct and literal, even if communication loses a bit of its charm.
Agreed. If you’re interested in better understanding the face-saving mores of global “honor cultures,” it’s a fairly interesting and relatively deep topic of study: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Face_(sociological_concept)
Yes, I am one of those who will always come with a solution, but at one point I realized the person I’m talking to simply doesn’t want to but is too polite to say it to my face. So I stop proposing any after suggesting one or two. I wouldn’t even be offended, it would make it a whole lot simpler if they just straight up say they don’t want to. But social interactions usually don’t follow the most efficient path, so we gotta learn to deal with it.
I really don’t see the point of hearing people complain about problems they don’t want me to fix.
If it’s an intimate partner my patience for this is much wider but if it isn’t I find the best course of action is just to say: “listen, I find it stressful and anxiety-inducing to hear about these problems all the time, and I’d prefer it if this isn’t a topic chat came up in conversations”
You have agency in setting boundaries, and listening to someone piss and loan constantly about shit isn’t where mine begin.
I just can’t. If it isn’t us versus the problem then it’s you versus the problem so keep me the fuck out of it.
“I can’t make it” = “I don’t want to come”
“I can’t make it, but I’m really interested, and please do let me know when you’re doing it again!” = “I can’t make it”
Saying I can’t make it is one thing, but saying “I would love to, but who will water my plants?” is something very different when you know the neighbor who has done that before is available and you’re like “Just ask the neighbor, he doesn’t mind at all”. Just as an example. The excuses provided are sometimes very flimsy, so that’s why I would prefer them just saying “Thanks, but I just wanna stay home with my cats and a coco.” or something along those lines.
In a way saying you would love to but actually hating it is just a straight up lie, so I would prefer the truth over some excuse we both know is bullshit.
I’m agreeing with you.
What I said was meant as an example of people not meaning what they say, and the roundabout route people take to express a genuine “I can’t” versus a fake “I can’t”
Would be much simpler if people were straightforward but social interactions ate complicated, apparently.
Whorepuff girls T-shirt, I was not ready for that
Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come
It’s not that I hate you, I just hate everyone“Solutions”
Not really solutions if they are not applicable or helpful for the problem the respective person has.
They’re only not applicable or helpful if you refuse to listen to and apply my very good advice.
Violating your consent.
