Yes, I am one of those who will always come with a solution, but at one point I realized the person I’m talking to simply doesn’t want to but is too polite to say it to my face. So I stop proposing any after suggesting one or two. I wouldn’t even be offended, it would make it a whole lot simpler if they just straight up say they don’t want to. But social interactions usually don’t follow the most efficient path, so we gotta learn to deal with it.
I really don’t see the point of hearing people complain about problems they don’t want me to fix.
If it’s an intimate partner my patience for this is much wider but if it isn’t I find the best course of action is just to say: “listen, I find it stressful and anxiety-inducing to hear about these problems all the time, and I’d prefer it if this isn’t a topic chat came up in conversations”
You have agency in setting boundaries, and listening to someone piss and loan constantly about shit isn’t where mine begin.
I just can’t. If it isn’t us versus the problem then it’s you versus the problem so keep me the fuck out of it.
Saying I can’t make it is one thing, but saying “I would love to, but who will water my plants?” is something very different when you know the neighbor who has done that before is available and you’re like “Just ask the neighbor, he doesn’t mind at all”. Just as an example. The excuses provided are sometimes very flimsy, so that’s why I would prefer them just saying “Thanks, but I just wanna stay home with my cats and a coco.” or something along those lines.
In a way saying you would love to but actually hating it is just a straight up lie, so I would prefer the truth over some excuse we both know is bullshit.
What I said was meant as an example of people not meaning what they say, and the roundabout route people take to express a genuine “I can’t” versus a fake “I can’t”
Would be much simpler if people were straightforward but social interactions ate complicated, apparently.
Yes, I am one of those who will always come with a solution, but at one point I realized the person I’m talking to simply doesn’t want to but is too polite to say it to my face. So I stop proposing any after suggesting one or two. I wouldn’t even be offended, it would make it a whole lot simpler if they just straight up say they don’t want to. But social interactions usually don’t follow the most efficient path, so we gotta learn to deal with it.
I really don’t see the point of hearing people complain about problems they don’t want me to fix.
If it’s an intimate partner my patience for this is much wider but if it isn’t I find the best course of action is just to say: “listen, I find it stressful and anxiety-inducing to hear about these problems all the time, and I’d prefer it if this isn’t a topic chat came up in conversations”
You have agency in setting boundaries, and listening to someone piss and loan constantly about shit isn’t where mine begin.
I just can’t. If it isn’t us versus the problem then it’s you versus the problem so keep me the fuck out of it.
“I can’t make it” = “I don’t want to come”
“I can’t make it, but I’m really interested, and please do let me know when you’re doing it again!” = “I can’t make it”
Saying I can’t make it is one thing, but saying “I would love to, but who will water my plants?” is something very different when you know the neighbor who has done that before is available and you’re like “Just ask the neighbor, he doesn’t mind at all”. Just as an example. The excuses provided are sometimes very flimsy, so that’s why I would prefer them just saying “Thanks, but I just wanna stay home with my cats and a coco.” or something along those lines.
In a way saying you would love to but actually hating it is just a straight up lie, so I would prefer the truth over some excuse we both know is bullshit.
I’m agreeing with you.
What I said was meant as an example of people not meaning what they say, and the roundabout route people take to express a genuine “I can’t” versus a fake “I can’t”
Would be much simpler if people were straightforward but social interactions ate complicated, apparently.