Just wait until he’s 16 lol
200 IQ child thief
So this one time I was like three and being too quiet. I don’t remember this. Apparently I had climbed up the upright grand piano and gotten scared of heights. I pressed myself against the wall and was whispering “help” over and over. Not too loud, because I was worried I’d get in trouble for climbing on the piano, but I needed help.
I was a high energy child. I learned to stop my bicycle at first by jumping off it onto grass hopefully and letting the bike crash. It must have been a nightmare for my parents to watch. So any extended silence was suspicious.
That is a pretty funny remark.
This thread has reminded me of why I don’t want kids.
My first kid was a perfect baby, she’d sleep 10 hours straight, she was quiet and never bratty, we would take her to restaurants with all our adult friends and she was always well behaved and didn’t need a tablet and would interact with everyone. We used to silently judge leash kid’s parents with the wife.
Then we had our second, an autistic boy with the energy of a thousand suns. Now I know, the leash isnt for me, it’s for all of you! The tablet at the restaurant makes sense now, and I don’t judge parents anymore
When me and my brother were coming up there were no tablets. The only thing to distract kids back then was McDonald’s colouring books.
Imagine my parents relief when the game boy was invented.
We have a nephew who didn’t need a leash, but he had the cutest backpack what was a monkey and the tail was a leash that he loved wearing. He just turned 19.
His younger brother did not like the monkey, and he needed a leash. He was a runner. Still is, his mile is right around 6 minutes.
My first kid was a perfect baby, she’d sleep 10 hours straight, she was quiet and never bratty…Then we had our second, an autistic boy with the energy of a thousand suns.
My experience has been similar, except they absolutely rile eachother up, and when separated they’re both incredible quiet and chill. One of their grandparents refuses to take my youngest overnight but begs for sleepovers regularly with my oldest. We try to make it special for my youngest by doing stuff we don’t normally do on those nights (and we try to arrange outings with just the youngest too to make it as fair as we can), but it is really shocking just how quiet and reserved both are without the other to encourage them to cause chaos
Luckily my first has 11 years on her brother and helps out a lot with him
Starting all over with child proofing and sleepless nights after 11 years… wow. Seriously, respect for pulling it off.
My wife was waiting for me by the exit of Target with my infant son, and a lady rushed up with her cart, a baby in the baby holder, said, “Here, watch him!” and ran in the rest room.
I walked up, and saw my wife with another baby, and said, “We can’t afford two, we’ll have to return one,” and she told me the story. I thought it was hilarious, and couldn’t wait to meet this woman when she came out of the bathroom.
She eventually emerged, and thanked my wife for the help, and I said “You weren’t worried about handing your daughter off to a stranger?” And she replied:
“No, she already had one, I knew she wasn’t about to steal ANOTHER one!”
I’m so feeling this this morning. I asked the 4yo if he wanted cereal or yogurt for breakfast. He screams “I’m not hungry! I want mama!”, runs to his room and slams the door. Two minutes later he comes out and punches me in the dick while I’m making lunches.
I am cracking up at this. Please save this comment word-for-word in a journal or something. Because when he’s older and truly appreciates all you’ve done for him you’re going to find it even funnier than I did to remind him of this!
when he’s older and truly appreciates all you’ve done for him
Wishful thinking
I love hearing other parents have asshole kids, because it reminds me that I’m not alone.
My kid went through the same phase all kids do of refusing to go to bed.
So one night he’s grabbing on to the baby gate at the top of the stairs like a con in a prison movie, screaming and yelling. I’m at the bottom of the stairs trying to ignore him.
He fixed a stare directly at me, stopped screaming, and shit in his pants.
So yeah, 100% of parents have arsehole kids.
You are not; but they are not really assholes. They are optimising for some outcome that they want, with inferior tools/mechanisms. Depending on age, their brain runs on emotion most of the time, logic is a distant second place.
In saying all of that…they can seem like assholes in the moment!!!
Yeah, it’s funny. Sometimes my son, 4, he’ll talk to me, but his speech and communication are still in the very basics, and I’ll say, Buddy, I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re saying, and he’ll get frustrated, which leads to anger, all because I don’t understand what he’s saying.
Turn the tables, I’m like, Dude, go to the bathroom, we’re getting in the car, you go to the bathroom before we drive, and he’ll say NO! And now I’m the one who’s frustrated and angry because he’s now the one who’s not understanding what I’m saying.
As always, communication is key, and breakdowns always cause problems. And so we’re all just along for the ride.
Ah yes; the tactical wees discussion.
“Yes, I know you don’t need to go right now; but we are going to be in the car for 30 - 40 minutes; go to the toilet now please!”
Yeah, no. They’re assholes. Little ones, but still assholes.
I mean, the dick punch was really unnecessary but I am glad that other families experience… Weirdness, I guess. And exclusion of a parent.
I can’t count how often I read and heard the advice to “just present your kid with two options to choose from”.
My kid, even before she became verbal, always wanted option C when presented with two options.
“Do you want this hat or this cap?” “Neither”
“Do you want this blue pants or these red sweatpants?” “I want… a green… dress” we don’t even have a green dress.
“Shall we go to the zoo today or do you want to go to the playground with Anna?” “I want to go on the trampoline” .
Bonus points for finally settling for one of the options, only to throw a tantrum afterwards, that the other option was the preferred one.
Yeah the first time I tried the two options for clothes on my then-two year old, he snatched both options out of my hands, threw them on the ground, and screamed NO CLOTHES
The problem with parenting advice is every kid is different. This becomes clear after raised a gaggle of them. Anyone with one child that is giving advice is clueless.
My suggestion is not to give that type of child options. Tell them what’s happening. Then do it. May that not work any better and ignores why you may have started giving them choices.
You didn’t specify an age but typically choices are best for later development. Toddlers are terrorists and one should never negotiate with a terrorist.
Yep. My Wife and I raised 4 Daughters. Each one was their own type of terror and mayhem and need to be handled differently. No toddler needs to have a choice in anything. Their minds aren’t ready for that. But by the time they hit 4 or 5, they can handle limited choices pretty well. And they only get better after that.
I know this sounds very “duh” but I had an epiphany when I realized that the reason I hated advice and tips for parenting was that I didn’t see my kid as a child, I saw her as a person. And just like I would be offended if my partner took some rando’s advice on “women” to deal with me, I get subconsciously defensive when my daughter is treated like a kid that comes with a handbook. There are 5 ticks for this behavior in this age and one of them will work. Fuck that. It doesn’t and it doesn’t need to and it shouldn’t be expected to. She’s an individual, there is no manual for that.
She’s turning 4 soon btw - and I love her to bits with her chaotic insanity. I feel as if it’s not like she doesn’t fit into a box or likes to think outside the box - she just dismantles the box, it is non-existent to her. She is actually very social, popular and follows rules well in kindergarten. Despite her answer to that theory of mind question about where the doll is being “there’s multiple dolls” which spins into a Lynchian tale about parallel dolls
So true. I have two and they’re complete opposites. Every single thing that one is easy about the other is hard. I thought that the second would be easier because I learned some things from the first, but every lesson was useless.
I present two options. If my kid doesn’t pick one of those two options, either by not responding or by requesting a third thing, I’m picking one of the two options for him. And I’m always picking what he’s least likely to want.
And I’m always picking what he’s least likely to want.
So parents can be assholes too.
I’m not a total asshole: After he’s had his “oh shit” moment I give him one more chance to choose. He’s usually a lot better at picking one of the two options on his second try.
You know, this weirdly makes the whole shit world-state seem much more natural lol
Well most of times you can differentiate frustration screaming and fear/danger screaming on toddlers
Tbh, definitely not with all kids. You have to specifically train them to not use “emergency” screams when they are frustrated.
I can’t even differentiate the screams of play time from those of being brutally murdered that the kids I hear playing around my apartment complex make…
How many brutal murders of kids have you been ignoring?
As many as I can. Thankfully, I don’t live near a school (I’m American).
The screams of playtime are usually the ones punctuated by an adult yelling at them to shut up.
Yeah, the other kind tends to shut itself up pretty quick.
Same, and I have kids, so I, technically, should be able to differentiate.
There is a reason for declining child birth numbers… it has everything to do with more people knowing what they are really getting into.
And that everyone’s too damn poor. Babysitter? Not on average wages! No one wants to give up all of their time and money for kids they might not be able to provide for.
Being poor has very little to with having children. The poor across the world have more children than the wealthy.
There are people giving 100% of their paychecks for childcare and the spouse pays for everything else.
That is a failure of the US and birth rates won’t improve until that changes.
won’t improve
Nothing wrong with current birth rates, just the reasons for them.
I think you meant
won’t increase
Low birth rates deplete the work force in the long term. Creates issues where tax revenue is low and cost of social programs and healthcare are extremely high because there are so many people at retirement age and beyond. Birth rates at a minimum should be stagnant.
deplete the work force
Its spelled “increase the negotiating power of labor”
tax revenues are low
Tax billionaires out if existence. Or re-organize society so we work somewhat efficiently and don’t spend 90% of allblabor doing useless corpo bosswank.
See, this is only a problem gor evil exploitative oligarch shit heels. Benefits humans very much.
That assumes no immigration
So the poor others should do the breeding while the wealthy limit their offspring to preserve more wealth for themselves?
Well if there was public daycare to take the stress off of parents who couldn’t deal with it then it wouldn’t be as big of an issue.
Yeah we had to raise our siblings. Ain’t raising another generation without being paid for it. It’s why we work in education.
I don’t really follow your train of thought. People would have been just as aware (if not more, due to the prevalence of multigenerational households) of this in the past as they are now, no?
In the past people didn’t have access to a device with endless information about how rough it is the raise kids. Instead they had other local parents as a source, and those parents just wanted company in thier misery.
When I was a kid we used to just get thrown outside along with all the other kids and told not to come back until lunch time.
We used to get up to all sorts no one cared. At one point someone’s dad took us all to the beach which was about an hour away, we all just got in this strangers car (never met him before) and went to the beach. I don’t remember my parents been even remotely bothered by that when they found out.
My son(11) will say, “you can’t do that, I’ll call the police and they will arrest you”. I say, great maybe I’ll get some peace and quiet. He doesn’t know I won’t, so it works. Lol.
My 4yo always threatens “I won’t invite you to my birthday party!” I always respond with “Yes, thank you, please don’t.” Which is confusing, because apparently it is the go-to threat in daycare to force ohther children to do something 😅. Then I am immediately invited again.
I think it’s time. you gotta sacrifice the strategy because 11 is old enough to know acab
He’s autistic, and that concept is not something he could grasp yet.
… but if you were to call the cops on me at least it would be a brief yet welcome reprieve from parenting while they come to the inevitable conclusion that he is mine and they don’t want him around either
I don’t know why, but “stealing him” is such a funny way of saying that.
How would you call dissapropriating someones children for recreational or other purposes?
Kidnap?
Yes they do.
Kid no nap. Kidscream.
They are not supposed to scream during the process, it actually signals the end of it.
You should probably file a complaint about the person in the meme with the league of professional kidnappers.
Unless you are wearing a hi vis vest, I hear. Then they let you walk right on by.
Or the start, sometimes the middle …
It’s funny because children aren’t people. Or something…
It’s just funny to use the word that means a different thing but close
I’m not shoplifting this child.
Or alternatively,
I’m not kidnapping this money/these goods/etc
I’ve been reading some variation of this joke since the early 80s.
I am confident it can be found somewhere in Shakespeare’s plays and perhaps on clay tablets hidden deep in the Mesopotamian valley.
This very much could have been my husband about a decade ago. The last tantrum my middle child ever threw, with lots of screaming and running and destroying things like a fucking tornado in the middle of a Target. Spouse carried them kicking and screaming out to the car while I finished checking out and by the time I got there they were buckled in their car seat, completely calm and composed, like a switch flipped. (As far as I know) it wasn’t any sort of punishment or shining moment of parenting, the kid just decided, I’m done now.
And they haven’t thrown a fit since.
How old was your kid at the time ? You are giving us hope, we need to know!
They had just turned 4. I remember being really worried because they were starting preschool soon and they were such a demon, I was certain I’d be called on the first day and told they’d been expelled. Now they’re in middle school and charming as anything.
29 😅
