I love steamed clams!
When Paltrow was selling those candles that smelled like her vagina, I bought one. It smelled like ass. Turns out I had it upside down.
I would like one of these but like for my cock
Okay…
So I bought a handheld garment steamer for knitting projects and for steaming wrinkles out of clothes from storage or whatever. I, like most people, had been hearing about vaginal steaming for some time with mixed bafflement and curiosity. One brisk November night alone in my apartment, I was eyeing the device and I figured, whats the harm, why not give it a try?
So I fill the steamer with water from the tap and set it on the floor and take a seat in my swivel chair a safe distance in front of it, disrobed from the waist down. The steamer heats up slowly, and I slide forward a bit as the seductive white vapor emerges with increasing force. After five minutes of carefully steaming my dick, balls and ass with an increasing look of delight on my face, I’m a convert.
If you ever have that kind of week where they’re feeling sticky or sweaty, you’ve got aching, vaguely itchy balls or it’s all just lacking that certain je ne sais quoi, and a shower doesn’t help, the steam does something amazing to open the pores, make all the assorted skin and sinew of one’s nether regions toned and glowing and you sweat away all the soap and sweat residue and whatnot in a way that showering or bathing could never approach. It’s shocking, I can’t fully explain how renewing it is, or why, but it works, almost on a spiritual level. I’ve never mentioned this to another soul and doubt I ever will.
I’m actually filling up the steamer now despite the heat as it’s been a few months since my last foray into pelvic steaming and I yearn for that soothing, forbidden relaxation. I will sleep like a baby tonight.
Oh, and do it away from electronics, I bricked a desktop by getting too much second-hand steam in it one day.
This kills the sperm.
(No, seriously, heat does that)
Meh, I’ll make more later
dudes over here steaming his frank and beans and doesn’t care if he’s poaching the next Ted Cruz.
It’s been six hours, I still am in awe at the sublime comfort fogging my junk provides, this wonderful feeling will last days.
Not to diminish the joy of paying to raise a child but I miss my foreskin more than the trillions of gametes in the preceding decades that similarly to today’s batch, didn’t make it.
Also, importantly, I am not an accredited pelvic steaming technician. If you try this and get a 3rd degree burn on your taint, well… that’s on you, chief.
Shakespeare out here steaming his balls
Incentive
just tape a garden hose to your dick?
Watching the conservatives in America get their panties in a bunch over this cartoon was sickening and hilarious
I forget the name of this cartoon, what is it? I got a kick out of it when I heard about it a few years ago
John Dillermand
I know men must look at this and think “wtf is a vaginal spa?”, but I would like to say that as a woman I don’t know wtf it is either
As a fellow woman I have no idea either. I just feel like Gwyneth Paltrow is involved SOMEHOW by default.
If she was involved there would be a tube attached with a gas mask on the other end.
My first thought is that its a fancy dueche, so yeah Gwyneth Paltrow seems right.
What kind of drug do you think she takes to be so obsessed with her vagina?
Puritanical upbringing that lost out to crunchy granola feminism, but in the way where she learned absolutely nothing from either.
Testosterone?
I gotta say, I’d be pretty obsessed with mine too if I were a woman. I don’t like her or approve of the dumb and often disturbing shit she does, but I can’t fault her for that specific thing.
There is a time and a place to play with your gigi.
You’re so lucky to be able to have yours be portable. 😞 The only penile spas I’ve ever seen are permanently installed in a wall. No clue how they work either.
Oh those that are installed in truckstop bathrooms?
FOR GLORY!
My guess is some kind of douche product marketed as a vaginal spa instead of as a douche
I’m not going to bother searching to confirm, but I’m pretty sure it’s a steam generator that you sit on. I don’t know why you’d want that.
I don’t know why everyone is so clueless. Women are carrying these things around with them everywhere.
What’s your favourite vagina tea? I’m partial to Lady Grey or Red Bush.
This is why sex ed is so important in our schools. Puritanical Republicans are why so many poor American kids who grow up in red states don’t know about basic things like periods, contraception, and vaginal spas.
and enjoy
Uh… So… How?
wow. good find, thank you.
so… how is steam good for the vaginal ecosystem? seems like that would support bacterial growth, i guess? Hopefully the kind of organisms you want, and not just… yeast
I don’t know anyone dumb enough to find out. That is viscerally unpleasant to imagine doing. It’s some of the most sensitive tissue on your body and you’re supposed to sit directly over water that was boiling a few minutes ago?
I can’t work out, how kinder eggs can’t have toys inside them in the US, in case some kid scarfs the whole thing in one go, but a product that could cause serious scalding by not following the steps exactly, especially to such sensitive skin could possibly be ok?
Because you’ve been a victim of corporate anti-regulation propaganda.
The Kinder egg thing is because anything non-edible is banned from being mixed into foodstuffs as a general food quality measure. As in you can’t add gravel or dirt or whatever. It was also supposed to ban sawdust but they realized they could just call it cellulose and say it’s a fiber supplement.
This has the side effect of banning cheap plastic trash in your cheap chocolate that is a stupid product for morons (children).
This has the side effect of banning cheap plastic trash in your cheap chocolate
You really want to do the whole American vs European chocolate thing?
Because Euroean doesn’t taste like vomit, unlike all US chocolates.
The food act the ban is based on is from 1938, whereas this import ban is from like the 90’s, so I’m more leaning to some capitalist shenanigans to block a competitor from a market idk. Although they were illegal even before that based on the law from 38, someone had imported some and were selling them and then they did the recall and import ban
And theyre serious about enforcing that
In January 2011, the US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) threatened a Manitoba resident with a 300 Canadian dollar fine for carrying one egg across the US border into Minnesota. In June 2012, CBP held two Seattle men for two and a half hours after discovering six Kinder Surprise eggs in their car upon returning to the US from a trip to Vancouver. According to Joseph Cummings of Seattle, Washington, one of the men detained, a border guard quoted the potential fine as “$2,500 per egg”.
easy… girls dumb enough to chrke on kinder eggs grow to be dumb enough to poach their vag
Then shouldn’t they both be illegal?
I think even if following the steps exactly there could still be burns. “a few minutes” is ambiguous and could be technically satisfied after just 3 minutes.
If I wanted that, I’d use the hand-held shower head.
No but see that’s water, not tea
Fungal growth too
Ioh god! magine burning your vagina with steam?!
This is hilarious.
To me it’s not so much about what it is, but rather why would anyone buy it? Showers are free, and probably less embarrassing to have and use.
never used
box looks more beat up than a fed ex delivery
Riiiiight.
if you think her box looks beat to hell you should see her vagina.
…you should see her vagina.
No thanks. I’d imagine roast beef looks more appealing.
You flew too high on wings of pastrami.
Jokes on you I fuckin love Arbys.
“Clam bake” would have been a better name
Portable Taqueria
Knock-offs include: Steamed Clams and the Albany-exclusive Steamed Hams.
It wasn’t actually Hemingway. Versions of the story can be found from 1906 when Hemingway was 7, and there is apparently no mention of a connection between him and the story before the 1990s.
Him and what story? Anyone interested in elucidating?
For sale: baby shoes, never worn
It’s a famous “six-word story” that is usually attributed to Ernest Hemingway. This meme’s framing is a reference/parody of it.
baby shoes, never worn?
deleted by creator
Finally, something to make camping trips interesting again!!!
“For a relaxed vagina, on the go!”
That box is almost as used as OPs mom
Maybe not a novel, but probably an airport paperback.
