As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWarswarehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.
Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
What’s the desk?
Nice.
I need to know that Dan and Jordan will get access to the desk.
They should run actual left wing articles but write them to sound like right wing conspiracies. Like, politicians say raising trans kids is child abuse? THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU’RE ALLOWED TO CALL YOUR OWN KIDS!!
Lmao no fucking way. That’s hilarious
Goddamn, I was sure I ate the onion on this one.
This is probably the best possible outcome.
This is so unreasonably fantastic hahaha
Guess InfoWars will begin publishing more factual articles, then.
The Onion out here reminding me that there are still good people in this world (outside of my boyfriends, family and friends)
A sort of justice served… In a funny and positive way.
are they gonna post info about wars?
Just like all the information on onions they put out last decade and a half
I need an explanation of Infowars. I’m guessing it’s something that really needs made fun of.
It absolutely is. It’s basically a ragebait propaganda machine.
Well, it was.
At least their fables are obvious
I was hoping for Cards Against Humanity to do it, but this is just as good.
I initially thought this was going to be an onion article, but here we are. Class.
“…they [Infowars] strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal.”
What a fantastic read.
This is great
it’s hosted on the onion, and i’m unsure if I’m eating it.
infowars is down, I think its real
