I see a lot of commentary, especially on Lemmy and Reddit, about how awful children are and how wonderful adulthood without kids is. And if you don’t want them, more power to you.
On the other hand, many people are parents and love having children! I want to hear some of the positive stories. What about being a parent makes your life better? What’s your favorite thing about your kids?
My children are adults now but I remember how much fun it was getting to see someone discover things for the first time.
I just really, really like being with them. They’re sweet, they’re so smart, and they love me. I want to hang out with them. I want them to come to the grocery store with me. I want to play games and have tickle fights and sing silly songs with them.
But my favorite thing is probably how funny they are. I write some of it down. Most of these happened when they were three.
“Did somebody draw us?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like before we were real. Did somebody draw us to make us real?”
My son sees numbers painted on the sidewalk and asks if they’re letters:
“ABCDEFG. Is that from that?”
“What if it was someone’s birthday when they already passed away? That would be sad. Then they wouldn’t be able to eat their cake.”
My wife helps my son to use the potty, and she takes off his jacket first:
“Mommy, did you forget where my penis is? Did you think it’s up here? It’s not. It’s down here.”
After I read my daughter Rikki Tikki Tavi, which features a snake named Nag:
Daughter: “Nag is tall. Nag is as long as you are tall.”
Wife: “Is he five feet long? I’m five feet tall” Daughter: “Snakes don’t have feet”
When searching for the opposite of “inside out”, instead of saying “right side in” my daughter called it “un-inside out”, which I think actually makes more sense.
“You need to behave.”
“Ok. I’m being have.”
Finishing a long conversation with the cat:
“Next time I’m going to teach you to say words.”
My third child will most likely be born this week, and the thing I’m looking forward to most is late night feedings. People complain about those and I can’t sympathize. I love them.
There’ll be a day when I’d give anything to go back and relive those moments, holding my baby at 2am, singing them to sleep. It’s a perfect moment.
I was never that big on the idea of kids before I had them. I deeply, deeply value my independence. But this is good too.
“Like before we were real. Did somebody draw us to make us real?”
Don’t let them fool you. It’s the fucking best. You love them, they love you. It’s awesome.
What makes it bad is not the children, it’s our system build not to cater for it. You have to function like you don’t have extra responsibilities which inevitably creates stress.
Well said. I sometimes moan about my kids when colleagues who don’t have kids ask about it. Perhaps that’s unwise, as I don’t want to put them off. It’s just that there’s no way to tell them how profound and amazing being a dad is. It just doesn’t feel right to tell that to people who haven’t - and indeed may not - experience it. It’s seems almost cruel.
Yeah this is the thing, I really enjoy kids and I love my nieces/nephews to bits. However, the structural support seems so lacking for something that’s such a massive responsibility. Lacking for parents/families in general, but particularly mothers IMO. Unfortunately, I genuinely don’t think I’d be able to cope with everything all at once. e.g. I’m lucky to finally be able to afford housing for myself, let alone a child. And they wonder why young people aren’t having kids… 🤷♀️
I love seeing them develop skills and interests. I don’t always agree or enjoy them, but I try to understand those things as much as possible so I can relate and watch them develop into real people.
Absolutely, when they finally fucking have the things snap in place it’s awesome.
I think that’s a really good way to approach it! Were/are there any that your kids picked up that really surprised you?
My son will start college in the fall, and will be studying actuarial math, which I had never even heard of before he told me his plan. My youngest has taught me all about Dandy’s World (a game she plays on Roblox) and a cartoon Survivor-like reality show called Battle for Dream Island. Not really something that I’d spend my own time on, but I’m hoping Book wins this season.
Cuddles and playtime :) my youngest is just at the toddler stage where they grab your hand and direct you where they want you to go and I love it.
Also, when you’re carrying them and they snuggle into your shoulder. Melts me every time.
Our 8 year old is still into a good hug.
My wife hasn’t been able to lift him for a couple years now, but I can still carry him in from the car if he falls asleep on a late trip home. He grabs on, and I know these days are numbered, but I’m determined to carry him as long as we can both manage it.
But yes, it’s so fun watching their sophistication and responsibility develop, and become a reader, and even doing math in his head while he learns Pokémon (which I was too old to ever bother with, but am learning to build a deck with him now, even though I’m pretty sure he’s stacking his against me).
Adorable! I felt so special when my baby niece was crying for most of Christmas, except for when I held her and she burrowed into me for a nap ❤️
Kids are hilarious and they will laugh at all sorts of nonsense. The kind of laughter we rarely let ourselves experience as adults, just uncontrollable, belly hurts, don’t even know why you’re laughing so hard. I like when my kid gets kind of delirious at bed time cause he’s so tired. He forgot how to say “idea” the other day and just pronounced it in weird ways for 5 minutes and cracked himself up the whole time. They remind you what it was like being a kid and how hopeful and exciting it is. They are brutally honest. It’s reminded me of a lot of the foundational things that make life worth living that we often slowly shed as life gets full of responsibilities and whatnot. But the great thing is, you can choose to be silly whenever you want. Even at my big age. I like the daily reminder. Oh and also it’s a pain in the ass to raise them lol, but ya know, worth it.
The cuddle time THEY initiate.
Especially if they just feel like it.
It’s like when a cat chooses your lap to sit down times 7.
Oh man especially when youre sick and they turn the sweetness up to 11. The BEST
Studies have down that people with adult children tend to be happier than older, childless people. Unless you’re a total piece of shit, children give you social contact after all your friends are dead and gone.
My three kids are adult and living on their own.
My wife mentioned that she’d like to see them for her birthday. I texted them and they are all coming to visit the day before.
They still care about us, even though I am a piece of shit. Just not total I guess. Or maybe they tolerate me for their mom.
Could also be the free food, but whatever, I’ll take it.
I’ll add that raising kids is a strange experience. The things that are easy to quantify tend to be bad. Those are the things that you can describe easily in a way that someone without kids can understand.
The good things about raising kids are mostly just feelings. They are harder to explain, and they don’t tend to make his stories.
On the one hand, you’re paying a $500 insurance deductible because your kid misjudged the distance to a bollard during a driving lesson. On the other hand, you’re hanging out watching a movie together that you watched as a kid.
It’s hard to explain how hanging out outweighs the cost of the repairs to someone who doesn’t have kids. It’s even harder to explain that the comparison isn’t even close.
Studies have down that people with adult children tend to be happier than older, childless people.
I think this is probably why my mom really want to control me all the time… she’s afraid she’ll lose me and be alone…
like… mom wtf… I’d like you a lot more if uou gave me a bit of room to breathe…
Mom is keep pushing the idea of marriage to my older brother (who’s 28) because she’s afraid he’ll be (and I quote) “be alone for the rest of his life”… for context my dad got married at 31.
They still care about us, even though I am a piece of shit. Just not total I guess. Or maybe they tolerate me for their mom.
As a young adult… speaking from the kid’s perspective… there’s like this sort of feeling that is so… hard to explain… this connection…
My mother is/was very emotionally abusive by western standards, but still… I have this weird attachment to her… separation anxiety… or trauma bonding? idk…
Do you remeber whe you were a teenager and you found your crowd and at wierd moments you all started to laught uncontrollably because of somthing not-so-funny-in-retrospect that no one in the word would understand? You never laughter like that since. It was painful it was amazing it was happiness… and love probably.
That’s the closest I can thinke off to what’s being a parent is like. It’s not it. But I don’t think it could be fully explained. It’s a transformative experience and there is no other way to experience it than being transformed.
Yes, its all those terrible thing you hear about. It is really hard. And its undoubtfully worth it.
Yeah, parenthood is stressful. I have less personal time. A loooot less expendable income. But when I pick my 3 year old up from daycare, and she’s so excited to see me, you’d think she hadn’t seen me in days, my heart just melts. It’s so interesting to hear her take on things. The stories she makes up with her toys. Hear her describe what’s going on in her abstract scribbles.
She loves music. Michael Jackson, The Wallfowers, and Sam the Sham are surprise favorites at the moment. Aside from the soundtracks to Frozen and the Little Mermaid.
Seeing her get excited about things that we take for granted brings joy back into my life. Even something mundane like a Spirit plane coming in to land by the airport by us. She was so excited because it was yellow. Ford Fusions are “Shark Cars” and she always loves pointing them out. Putting stuff on the checkout conveyor at the grocery store. Turning on light switches. Riding Sandy ar Meijer.
Now, she’s getting into board and card games and it’s so cool to have family game nights. Primarily dominoes and Uno. I have a ton of weird vintage board games in the basement I cannot wait to bust out when she’s older.
I could go on and on about why I love being a dad. The day she was born, from the moment I held her, I knew that I would fully be capable of killing someone. As long as I am alive and capable, I will do everything in my power to keep anyone from harming her. She is everything to me.
Don’t get me wrong, it is very trying and requires a ton of resources in time, money, and patience. But… developing a person is a neat experience. It is good for evaluating your own thoughts as they form their own. It is genuinely fun often. They are varying degrees of hilarious throughout childhood. They bring pride. They are often good interlocutors and they love. Hopefully they contribute to the world.
In addition, it has a big impact on social life, which can be good. You meet other people, have a good idea of how the world is from the perspective of youth, and you participate in events one otherwise wouldn’t.
everything can be funny, everything can be goofy, and having a good laugh always feels good
Many “shitty people” have many children, so I feel like it’s my duty to future generations to raise kids who will not be pieces of shit. So far so good 👍
I always worry about getting one that just naturally is. You’ll hear people say it’s all up to the parents, but if it was really like that shitty people would have died out. (Since shitty parents sometimes raise nice kids)
Like, what do I do then?
That’s my biggest fear is that one of my kids will grow up and be a fucking incel or a white supremacist or something but I think that my own parenting style kind of precludes that. Honestly, I think that the most important thing is to just be there for your kids, take an interest in their lives, show them what it means to be cool by example
We were constantly told by doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, school resource people, counsellors, IEP coordinators, etc… variations of “just, ya know, do your best” when we would ask what we should do, in their expert opinions. I think we were good parents but our daughter really struggled. I’m sure we could have done things better/differently. But we did try our best. She’s 24 and still not on her feet.
I have one who’s difficult. She’s just turned 16. I’m a very chill parent but sometimes I have to be firm with her. I tell myself I’m trying to raise her to be kind which she struggles with sometimes as she’s very self focused but she’s getting there and I have high hopes she’ll turn out great.
So I suppose the answer to your question from my perspective is just “keep on trucking with the goal in mind”.
At least some of us are raising em right.
My oldest when I pick him and my youngest up from school one day:
“Dad, have you ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons.”
Me with tear in my eye thinking about all the books, miniatures, dice, and other accessories from playing D&D since 1978. Only stopping when they were born because I didn’t have time and my wife and I had moved 500 miles to a new city. This was before the days of Roll20 and other VTT’s and I didn’t know anyone in this area back then.
A good part about parenting is watching them become who they are. You can push them in a direction, you can can guide them, you can try to help them, but you get what you get. They become who they are no matter what, but you get to see it. Every soccer game they win, every game they lose, you watch them adapt, learn, and grow.
The hard part about parenting is watching them in pain or struggling. To them it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever done, and to try to convince them that the pain they are going through will pass is not going to happen. They have to experience it themselves. You cannot hand them your wisdom, they have to earn it.
The very best part about parenting is that even through times where I am a flawed, hate myself, and depressed there is someone there who sees me for the effort I put in and not through my own lens. I may hate me. I may battle myself. I may look in the mirror in disgust, but when they look at me they see everything that I don’t. It keeps me going.
