its bullshit
I don’t believe in the male loneliness epidemic.
Whenever i hear this issue being talked about i feel it is not so much about loneliness but about the lack of a healthy identity archetype for men.
Masculinity has so much baggage behind it in the structure of capitalism, traditional chauvinism, abuse of power that it has become somewhat a mark of shame. Even the right winger nuts speak about masculinity not in a way that embraces any positive traits, but indulging in every abusive excess. "we are evil men and proud. " they say with their actions.
So if masculinity has become a negative even to it’s right wing extremist “defenders“ does it mean that the only accepted masculinity is one that is considered to go against any male paradigm? Are there positive male traits? Is evil in the balls like they say?
And another one, if some male traits are biological, and some are cultural, how do we handle male traits that are a result testosterone, chemistry, hormones. When in college, I dated a trans guy through his transition and beyond, and he changed in substantial ways. And to him those changes were a reason to celebrate:
Beyond the initial horniness and brashness of the “second puberty” we noticed his sexuality shifted towards being more assertive. In personality he did became a little less emotional a bit more of a risk taker. His body changed a lot. Through gym work he gained size and looking more masculine also gave him a sense of power he didn’t have before. (I have a little obsession with the body and how chemistry changes us so going to the gym with him was an eye opener to the power of hormones.)
For the first time i felt this guy might have power over me, i never said it but he felt it too and our relationship had a little shift.
So lets say that testosterone can be physical power over others, that testosterone can have certain effects over an individual a personality and the way we relate to it. If we remove capitalism and all conceptions of gender, wouldn’t those notions remain “masculine” and at that point wouldn’t we have to construct and accept some traits that form a positive masculine identity?
This topic is large and full of contradictions, like how most right wing defenders of chauvinism and incels are not traditionally masculine themselves. I always wonder how would these guys would feel if they gained access to my ex boyfriends’ T.
About how the right has capitalized on this confusion, (provide solutions to the mental issues their system created.)
And finally i’m not sure what would be the leftist analysis feeling of joy and power (gender euphoria?) my ex boyfriend felt when he gained a little muscle, “stepped up in the ladder of masculine identity” which i am not sure if that hierarchical way of thinking is part of the structural problem itself.
So there’s this thing, and I think it applies to myself to some degree, where even when men want to be more caring/supportive/just not care as much about gender role ideas stemming from patriarchy, there’s a degree of holding back because of the policing for toxic masculinity. If a man acts distinctly “feminine” (or more like, what patriarchy calls “feminine”), a not-insignificant amount of men will act like they are “lesser” for behaving this way because patriarchy sees its idea of feminine as the “lesser gender.” Naturally, people don’t want to feel put down by peers, so even when well-intentioned and striving to not fall prey to the walls of role expectations, there can be some holding back.
For example, I can go “aww” about something being cute, but still struggle to cry in front of other people. This isn’t to say you need to be able to cry in front of others to shed patriarchy, but just to give an example of how there can be partial movement without fully challenging the “chains.”
Incidentally, I think this is one reason I like the sketch comedy channel Chris and Jack. They like to do this thing where their sketches go in a direction that challenges the normal “tough guy” male friendship dynamic in some way. And it’s refreshing to see a perspective on it that challenges the norm.
Male loneliness epidemic is a uniquely White man problem that they refuse to mature and handle instead they blame minorities and women white people are fucking disease especially white men
Indian men also suffer from the “male loneliness epidemic”. Our top minds have concluded that it’s happening because women have too many rights and have started abusing them to frame men with false r_pe charges.
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The unfortunate thing is I’ve seen quite a few Muslim men in my community buy into this bullshit on the basis of “traditionalism” (what fucking tradition, we’re not White Evangelical Christians) with quite a few of them falling into Andrew Tate’s sphere of influence.
The whites seriously just poison our communities with their BS issues and then turn around and request our sympathy.
that they refuse to mature and handle
Was trying to figure out what rubs me the wrong way about this. I think it’s twofold. One reason is that it sounds little different from the pro-patriarchal line “man up” and two is that it sounds like rugged individualism solution to systemic problems.
But part of the problem is some of them do try to “mature and handle” it, and without proper guidance, what that leads them to sometimes is being even more toxic masculine. The problem people in question are not just the “incel” types who are complaining about women, they’re also the hyper-masculine types who are turning to hyper masculine ideas to feel less out of place. As the video touches on, this is self-defeating, as it makes them even more lonely due to going deeper into the isolating patriarchal model. But they may feel a certain amount of short-term companionship being around other men who are doing similar and this combined with the hyper masculinity and the imperialist socializing base is going to be a breeding ground for fascist organizing.
So it’s important to interrupt that pipeline and lead men toward alternatives to being bitter and/or hyper masculine. Being compassionate, for example, does not need to be seen as a gendered trait. Or being understanding, or thoughtful, or even gentle. There is a time and place for boundary setting, and in societies and struggles there is a time and place for organized militant action in order to be able to set certain kinds of boundaries and enforce them. But these things are not mutually exclusive with compassionate and thoughtful word and deed. In other words, compassion does not have to mean pacifism. Gentle does not have to mean defenseless. Understanding does not have to mean fawning. Etc.
White men may be better positioned to get drawn into this pipeline over others, but patriarchal issues afflict far more than them. Patriarchy, with some cultural variation to it, is a global level issue in scope and needs investigation into it on that level.
This is just further infantilising men who refuse to grow the fuck up I’ve tried that and it didn’t work instead of babying them and begging them not to join the far right you should be asking these men the hard questions like “why do you want a girlfriend?”, “how does having a girlfriend help you?”, “what if women just don’t want to date you because they don’t find you attractive and you should find other ways to find companionship”.
Who said anything about “begging men not to join the far right” as the solution? Edit: Like I would actually agree that asking people questions that challenge their assumptions is a generally good approach to at least starting them on the path to considering something different. So I’m not sure what this has to do with what I said, that you are saying it’s “infantilising.”
They set up those positions in the first place
You’d think that men could just organise better. There are lots of problems that aren’t getting solved but men want to sit on the couch and sulk rather than take action. If you aren’t angry at the state of jobs and housing then maybe you’re not a man after all.
i see the “male loneliness epidemic” as an effect of liberal ideas caused by the contradiction of defending capitalism and trying to give “liberal freedom” to people:
-feminism was needed to extend the workforce for capitalism and evolving from feudal patriarchy, but with the hyperindividualistic focus of capitalism and the feudal thinking of religious ideals of nuclear family not fully erradicated, the far-right concluded that the issue was the existence of women’s rights and suffrage
-religious culture taught people that working hard and “doing your part as a man” granted you a ticket for a free breeding machine (a.k.a tradwife), but capitalism made the women also competitive and putting their own future and profit (for the individualistic perspective) ahead of reactionary gender roles, making some men frustrated of not being able to redeem their “wife ticket”
this is what i think
