In approximately 22 hours I will tell a therapist that I am for sure not a cis man and I’m tired of pretending and that I want help. This will be the first time I have said this to anyone, I suppose technically barring this post right here.
Since I made the appointment, my whole body has been painfully tense and my stomach feels like I’m on a roller coaster. I can’t tell if I want to cry or throw up or squeal with joy. I can’t seem to relax at all or focus on anything. The level of emotional turmoil I am experiencing is… not comfortable.
I think that’s good, right? Emotions are hard. But I wouldn’t feel this way if it wasn’t important to me, I think. So much of this process has been learning not to second guess myself and accepting that growth can be painful.
Anyway wish me luck. Starting something is always scary because you don’t know how it’s gonna turn out. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, I suppose. Thanks for listening.
This all sounds very familiar. I was outside my body heading into my doctor’s office to ask for a referral to start HRT, felt like I was going to throw up trying to get the words out, and scream–cried in the car all the way home. My brain was cooking from the intensity of the emotions that come from finally, officially taking steps to breaking out of gender prison. At that time I had only expressed this wish to my partner, and I didn’t even know if I would have had the courage to talk to my doctor without her support.
The whole thing feels trivial now that I’m in the swing of transition, talking openly about it with everyone, and proving to myself every day that I made the right decision, but that first step in opening myself up to the world felt so big and scary.
I hope this first step leads to many pleasant coming–outs to the people close to you. It feels so good to live honestly and show people who you really are. Best of luck in there! 💙
omg i remember this feeling, youve got this!! good luck!!! remember that for every possible negative outcome, there’s a positive one too :)
I remember feeling like that too. You got this and you’re not alone. 🥰
No matter what happens always remember that you are not alone. You were strong enough to take this first step so you can be strong enough for anything that comes after.
You’ve got this! <3
I am a CIS male, so I can empathize some but not really relate to your personal struggle, but I support you and wish you the best. It took courage to do what you did. Change is HARD.
What I can relate to is your response. It is very similar to when I finally told a friend that my wife had cheated on me.
It forced me to confront the situation and do something about it instead of just hiding from the pain and hoping it would go away.
My hands were shaking and I could barely focus, as I was meeting them, knowing I was about to ruin their lunch. (They were really supportive as they had gone through something similar, but I still feel like I ambushed them.)
Therapy has helped me immensely. Helping me untwist this fucked view my brain had created out of self defense.
I don’t know you but I truly wish for you a positive journey of growth toward the you that you were meant to be.
It’s scary, I was just as terrified when I did the same thing, but you’re brave. Congratulations on taking the first steps, I’m proud of you 🩷
its normal to feel that anxiety, this is a big step in your life :) try and get some sleep, do what you love to do, and stay true to yourself. you’ll be alright 💚
Big changes are always scary but courage is not the absence of fear, it is the will to move past your fear to claim your new future. You clearly have that strength being able to talk about how you feel with us. You got this and good luck
Congratulations! I wish you all the best, with all my being.
I remember that feeling, and it’s definitely scary! But you got this, girl, good luck 🥰
Good luck 💕💕💕 !
You got this
Good luck, hope everything will be fine for you.
Sending good vibes and wishing you luck 💚
