In approximately 22 hours I will tell a therapist that I am for sure not a cis man and I’m tired of pretending and that I want help. This will be the first time I have said this to anyone, I suppose technically barring this post right here.

Since I made the appointment, my whole body has been painfully tense and my stomach feels like I’m on a roller coaster. I can’t tell if I want to cry or throw up or squeal with joy. I can’t seem to relax at all or focus on anything. The level of emotional turmoil I am experiencing is… not comfortable.

I think that’s good, right? Emotions are hard. But I wouldn’t feel this way if it wasn’t important to me, I think. So much of this process has been learning not to second guess myself and accepting that growth can be painful.

Anyway wish me luck. Starting something is always scary because you don’t know how it’s gonna turn out. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, I suppose. Thanks for listening.