homologous

omg my gf sent me this pic yesterday :D

As someone on the other side of the same situation, I would say… well, I’d say don’t feel guilty, but I can’t really control how you feel. For me, at least, switching between gendering and mis-gendering my partner is no big deal (in terms of difficulty, of course I don’t enjoy mis-gendering her), and really it’s all worth it to see my girlfriend’s face light up when I call her my girlfriend in private. It’s not your fault that you live in a world where you can’t safely come out to everyone at the same time, so don’t worry about it :) I’m sure your wife really doesn’t mind the difficulty to keep you safe, and I’m glad you have that small bit of safety in her, if not elsewhere

I think its whole thing is that it doesn’t really mean anything; it’s literally just an empty trigger word