I would like one of these but like for my cock
Okay…
So I bought a handheld garment steamer for knitting projects and for steaming wrinkles out of clothes from storage or whatever. I, like most people, had been hearing about vaginal steaming for some time with mixed bafflement and curiosity. One brisk November night alone in my apartment, I was eyeing the device and I figured, whats the harm, why not give it a try?
So I fill the steamer with water from the tap and set it on the floor and take a seat in my swivel chair a safe distance in front of it, disrobed from the waist down. The steamer heats up slowly, and I slide forward a bit as the seductive white vapor emerges with increasing force. After five minutes of carefully steaming my dick, balls and ass with an increasing look of delight on my face, I’m a convert.
If you ever have that kind of week where they’re feeling sticky or sweaty, you’ve got aching, vaguely itchy balls or it’s all just lacking that certain je ne sais quoi, and a shower doesn’t help, the steam does something amazing to open the pores, make all the assorted skin and sinew of one’s nether regions toned and glowing and you sweat away all the soap and sweat residue and whatnot in a way that showering or bathing could never approach. It’s shocking, I can’t fully explain how renewing it is, or why, but it works, almost on a spiritual level. I’ve never mentioned this to another soul and doubt I ever will.
I’m actually filling up the steamer now despite the heat as it’s been a few months since my last foray into pelvic steaming and I yearn for that soothing, forbidden relaxation. I will sleep like a baby tonight.
Oh, and do it away from electronics, I bricked a desktop by getting too much second-hand steam in it one day.
This kills the sperm.
(No, seriously, heat does that)
Meh, I’ll make more later
just tape a garden hose to your dick?
I know men must look at this and think “wtf is a vaginal spa?”, but I would like to say that as a woman I don’t know wtf it is either
As a fellow woman I have no idea either. I just feel like Gwyneth Paltrow is involved SOMEHOW by default.
My first thought is that its a fancy dueche, so yeah Gwyneth Paltrow seems right.
What kind of drug do you think she takes to be so obsessed with her vagina?
I gotta say, I’d be pretty obsessed with mine too if I were a woman. I don’t like her or approve of the dumb and often disturbing shit she does, but I can’t fault her for that specific thing.
Puritanical upbringing that lost out to crunchy granola feminism, but in the way where she learned absolutely nothing from either.
You’re so lucky to be able to have yours be portable. 😞 The only penile spas I’ve ever seen are permanently installed in a wall. No clue how they work either.
Oh those that are installed in truckstop bathrooms?
FOR GLORY!
My guess is some kind of douche product marketed as a vaginal spa instead of as a douche
I’m not going to bother searching to confirm, but I’m pretty sure it’s a steam generator that you sit on. I don’t know why you’d want that.
I don’t know why everyone is so clueless. Women are carrying these things around with them everywhere.
What’s your favourite vagina tea? I’m partial to Lady Grey or Red Bush.
This is why sex ed is so important in our schools. Puritanical Republicans are why so many poor American kids who grow up in red states don’t know about basic things like periods, contraception, and vaginal spas.
and enjoy
Uh… So… How?
wow. good find, thank you.
so… how is steam good for the vaginal ecosystem? seems like that would support bacterial growth, i guess? Hopefully the kind of organisms you want, and not just… yeast
I don’t know anyone dumb enough to find out. That is viscerally unpleasant to imagine doing. It’s some of the most sensitive tissue on your body and you’re supposed to sit directly over water that was boiling a few minutes ago?
I can’t work out, how kinder eggs can’t have toys inside them in the US, in case some kid scarfs the whole thing in one go, but a product that could cause serious scalding by not following the steps exactly, especially to such sensitive skin could possibly be ok?
Because you’ve been a victim of corporate anti-regulation propaganda.
The Kinder egg thing is because anything non-edible is banned from being mixed into foodstuffs as a general food quality measure. As in you can’t add gravel or dirt or whatever. It was also supposed to ban sawdust but they realized they could just call it cellulose and say it’s a fiber supplement.
This has the side effect of banning cheap plastic trash in your cheap chocolate that is a stupid product for morons (children).
easy… girls dumb enough to chrke on kinder eggs grow to be dumb enough to poach their vag
Then shouldn’t they both be illegal?
I think even if following the steps exactly there could still be burns. “a few minutes” is ambiguous and could be technically satisfied after just 3 minutes.
If I wanted that, I’d use the hand-held shower head.
No but see that’s water, not tea
Fungal growth too
Ioh god! magine burning your vagina with steam?!
This is hilarious.
To me it’s not so much about what it is, but rather why would anyone buy it? Showers are free, and probably less embarrassing to have and use.
never used
box looks more beat up than a fed ex delivery
Riiiiight.
if you think her box looks beat to hell you should see her vagina.
…you should see her vagina.
No thanks. I’d imagine roast beef looks more appealing.
You flew too high on wings of pastrami.
Jokes on you I fuckin love Arbys.
“Clam bake” would have been a better name
Knock-offs include: Steamed Clams and the Albany-exclusive Steamed Hams.
It wasn’t actually Hemingway. Versions of the story can be found from 1906 when Hemingway was 7, and there is apparently no mention of a connection between him and the story before the 1990s.
Him and what story? Anyone interested in elucidating?
For sale: baby shoes, never worn
It’s a famous “six-word story” that is usually attributed to Ernest Hemingway. This meme’s framing is a reference/parody of it.
baby shoes, never worn?
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Finally, something to make camping trips interesting again!!!
“For a relaxed vagina, on the go!”
That box is almost as used as OPs mom
Maybe not a novel, but probably an airport paperback.
