my bf alex (21m) always expects me (22m) to watch his movies, and his videos. and i do, and i watch all the tiktoks and instagram reels he sends me. but when i send him something, he doesn’t look at it and says “he’ll do it later” but doesn’t.

he also doesn’t like my interests at all and doesn’t want to do things with me, but wants me to do his interests like playing fortnite. i do not like fortnite at all.

  • P00ptart@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    15 hours ago

    I had the opposite thing happen. I dated a girl who was cute and fun and quirky. But as time went on, she took more and more interest in my stuff. I thought it was cool, that she wanted to spend time with me and share interests, but as time went on it started feeling creepy. She started becoming me. Hanging out with my girl friends without me, started having inside jokes with my guy friends, like when have you spent enough time with them to get that close? (she was cool with me having friends of the opposite sex, if she wasn’t, we never would have dated)

    Eventually It got weirder, I don’t have enough time to type it all up at the moment as I’m about to head into work, but the point is that you either both need to be equal takers and sharers of interests, or accept that you’re different people with different interests and just like the person and not their interests. When it’s one sided, someone’s soul is getting consumed by the other. If anyone wants more of the story, I’ll see if I can add more detail throughout the night.

  • ryanvgates@infosec.pubEnglish
    8·
    19 hours ago

    I would start with telling him how you feel and seeing how he reacts. Part of a healthy relationship is having things you do together and separate. I wouldn’t play fortnite if you don’t like it or at least not everytime. That might help him understand the feeling.

    How long have you been together? Also early 20’s is definitely a time were people are still discovering who they are. It can be a self focused time too before adult responsibility sets in.

    • Scratch@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      5·
      19 hours ago

      Agree with having a conversation about it, but framing is important.

      If you open with something like; “You don’t care about my interests.”

      That can be viewed as an accusation, meaning bf can go defensive and button up. Essentially ending the conversation. (Except for the escalation, shouting and crying)

      If, instead, you open with a more broad; “I want to talk about our shared interests.” Or “how we spend time together.” It’s much less inflammatory, I think.

      Focus on how you feel, don’t say; “You don’t respect me or my interests.” Instead, point to a specific example and describe how that makes you feel; “I’ve said before that I don’t enjoy Fortnite, so when you invited me to play last week, it made me feel like my wants are not being heard, and I don’t feel listened to or respected.”

      This framing points the conversation at you and your hurt, instead of at your BF and their fuck ups. Typically, a partner never intends to harm, so spotlighting the harm without room for them to feel like you’re accusing them of doing intentionally only really leaves space to address the harm.

      Don’t be afraid to step away from a conversation if it gets heated. Reaffirm that you love and care about them and you want to get to a place where you have a shared interest you can enjoy together. Then take a break, grab a drink and let thoughts settle and form.

  • besselj@lemmy.caEnglish
    5·
    19 hours ago

    Communicate with them about it and establish a mutual understanding that not all interests need to be shared. If it feels inequitable, then tell them so and try to find a compromise. Sometimes it’s good to establish a time/space for both people to enjoy their own hobbies.

    • виктор, он (viktor, he/him)@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      2·
      19 hours ago

      thanks, it’s okay. nowadays he doesn’t even send tiktoks and i do, he just reads them but doesn’t respond or says “awesome”.

      idk, maybe he liked me better as a girl since i’m ftm but i am who i am.

      • forrgott@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
        3·
        18 hours ago

        Ah, yeah, that might affect the landscape a bit!

        Sorry to hear, though, it does sound like he’s dissociating from you. Possibly unintentionally?

        But anyway, I wish you luck. Most important issue is communication. Always is, but unfortunately lots of couples underestimate the importance. I hope you two can communicate honestly; and hope that helps you find a positive outcome for you both!