my bf alex (21m) always expects me (22m) to watch his movies, and his videos. and i do, and i watch all the tiktoks and instagram reels he sends me. but when i send him something, he doesn’t look at it and says “he’ll do it later” but doesn’t.

he also doesn’t like my interests at all and doesn’t want to do things with me, but wants me to do his interests like playing fortnite. i do not like fortnite at all.

  • ryanvgates@infosec.pubEnglish
    8·
    1 day ago

    I would start with telling him how you feel and seeing how he reacts. Part of a healthy relationship is having things you do together and separate. I wouldn’t play fortnite if you don’t like it or at least not everytime. That might help him understand the feeling.

    How long have you been together? Also early 20’s is definitely a time were people are still discovering who they are. It can be a self focused time too before adult responsibility sets in.

    • Scratch@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      5·
      24 hours ago

      Agree with having a conversation about it, but framing is important.

      If you open with something like; “You don’t care about my interests.”

      That can be viewed as an accusation, meaning bf can go defensive and button up. Essentially ending the conversation. (Except for the escalation, shouting and crying)

      If, instead, you open with a more broad; “I want to talk about our shared interests.” Or “how we spend time together.” It’s much less inflammatory, I think.

      Focus on how you feel, don’t say; “You don’t respect me or my interests.” Instead, point to a specific example and describe how that makes you feel; “I’ve said before that I don’t enjoy Fortnite, so when you invited me to play last week, it made me feel like my wants are not being heard, and I don’t feel listened to or respected.”

      This framing points the conversation at you and your hurt, instead of at your BF and their fuck ups. Typically, a partner never intends to harm, so spotlighting the harm without room for them to feel like you’re accusing them of doing intentionally only really leaves space to address the harm.

      Don’t be afraid to step away from a conversation if it gets heated. Reaffirm that you love and care about them and you want to get to a place where you have a shared interest you can enjoy together. Then take a break, grab a drink and let thoughts settle and form.