Serious? Fun? Either is fine!
I’m from the US, so this might not apply outside of the US.
The problem you have when a woman has it “better” isn’t a woman’s fault. It is the fault of patriarchy.
An example is “male loneliness.” I acknowledge that there are factors that can make men isolated. Men don’t tend to support each other like women do. There are societal pressures that reinforce that.
When a man shows emotions, besides anger, he is shamed. The women that do it are indoctrinated in the patriarchy where men must be strong. (For any women reading this, support men here!) But remember, this still stems from the patriarchy. While women had to fight against a system that overwhelmingly didn’t benefit them, you are in a position where you can fight to dismantle a system that you are a part of! Band together, men! We support you, but it’s not our fight.
Another reason male loneliness gets blamed on women because women tend to be cautious around men. The reason for that is that when a man harms a woman, she has to rearrange her life around it. If he is brought to justice? She still needs to do the work of defending herself in court, being treated like a liar, being told she is overreacting. The fact of the matter is, still a lot of the time, the man does not face justice. When a woman tries to get support for a man hurting a woman, she is usually not believed. The situation can escalate or the woman is ostracized for “starting trouble.” The man continues living his life. Or the woman is believed, but the man gets a slap on the wrist at most. (The men will stick together here.)
That is, if the woman still has a life to still feel the effects.
So, in this case… Women are prioritizing their life over the feelings of a man. Does this bother you? Support women. Don’t defend one of your buddies that hurt another woman, let him face the consequences. Sounds hard? Women have had to fight for years to get the rights they have now, and it took time. So will this. You won’t likely see results right away, if at all. But that’s the life of someone fighting a system.
👏 👏 👏 This comment is fucking excellent. IME misogynistic men will support each other against a woman for example if on a rape jury. But day to day, men don’t emotionally support each other… yet loneliness often gets blamed on women being too “picky”. In many ways patriarchy really hurts men, it knifes them.
Few adult men are killed by adult women… yet plenty of us are killed by them. It shows the danger we’re at and why we’re careful.
I have so many things I wish I could help men understand, lol.
Here’s just one of them: the idea that women dress and wear makeup for men is grossly oversimplified to the point of being false.
We mostly dress and wear makeup for ourselves and for other women; being pretty isn’t meant to manipulate you into sex, it’s more about social status among women and feeling good about ourselves.
Not to say we don’t ever dress to attract men (or even that this could be some deeper reason as to why social status among straight women relates to our looks), but it’s way too common for men to believe makeup & women’s clothes categorically exist to manipulate men (and that it’s women’s fault and intention to do so).
If every man vanished from the earth, women would be wearing makeup, making their hair nice, and dressing in ways that make them feel good.
I started writing a whole list of things I wished men understood, but it sometimes feels impossible to communicate. How am I supposed to convey the lived experiences of being a woman (being ignored and dismissed, being seen as non-serious and like a child, the vulnerability in the world, the fears that men’s quiet anger could turn snap and turn violent, etc.)? I think one of the biggest things holding us back is the inaccessibility of those qualia: men don’t know what it’s like, and so it’s easy to doubt or dismiss accounts, especially subtle experiences women have (especially in a context where women are already stereotyped as manipulative, dishonest, dramatic, and non-serious).
Yes you’re right. Few men have any idea how hard the world is for women and the constant fucking FEAR. Carefully managing men in interactions to keep them calm, avoiding certain places at certain times, scanning rooms of men to spot problem ones etc. There’s a reason “me too” happened and it really is all of us. And that’s before we get into the day to day marginalisation, dismissing, silencing etc.
The clothing thing always makes me laugh. This idea that women are dressing thinking “I’ll wear purple today to try to trick a man into liking me”. If it was that simple we wouldn’t need online dating! We’d just wear the magic clothing and get coupled up.
One coworker of mine told me in hushed tones like a conspiracy theorist about how lipstick and blush were invented so women can mimic the appearance of being sexual aroused, because (as he explained) during blood diverts to the lips and cheeks during sex. He kept going on about how fucked up this was, and I couldn’t quite tell what he thought of it exactly - is he saying it’s fucked up that women are coerced into being sexualized, or is he saying it’s fucked up that women use makeup to manipulate men?
What I would give to go back to that conversation, to walk through everything with him …
I have a horrible feeling he thought it was manipulative, based on similar conversations I’ve had with men. I wonder does he think make up tutorials are women saying “this colour is good because you look aroused without looking TOO aroused. You may want to take photos of yourself during sex to make sure you can match the colour exactly”.
The secret to getting us to have more sex is to do your equal share of the household chores and management so we’re not constantly exhausted.
Make us your mum and we most definitely Will Not want to fuck you.
Exactly!
I wish they could take it on board that men really can be compassionate, caring, and sensitive without it diminishing their masculinity … those who say otherwise are trying to keep them down so that they stay angry and lonely
Individually you can be both wonderful and kind of clueless. We are raised from birth to be aware of and sensitive to your needs, and we’d like to be able to expect the same in return.
come over and play video games with me ffs
I don’t care about your money, I have my own.
Love this one!
