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Lemmy has an undeniable woman problem that it carried over from Reddit. I’ve lost count of the number of pathetic blokes that I have blocked on here for anti feminism.
yep it’s pretty horrible. any time gender issues are brought up there’s dozens of comments saying “what about the men” and completely missing the point
The response to “what about men” comments is, we’re already talking about men when we talk about misogyny. Misandry and misogyny are the exact same problem, strictly enforced gender roles. If you deviate, you are punished. The men that are caregivers are derided just like the women that refuse to rear children. Every other related paradigm punches down into the people who do not conform. Stoicism in men, histrionics in women.
Either is a foil for the other and it’s exactly the same bullshit.
As a guy, I do recognise that men are disadvantaged in many areas and need to be put on equal footing with women-- like courts disproportionately award custody of children to mothers, regardless of how unfit the mother is to be a caregiver. But broadly speaking from my pespective, women are still at more disadvantage. I used to live in a bad part of my city for many years and have had little to no issues. However, it is a different story from women I spoke who got harrased, and another hit on the head. They said they will avoid going to the city ever again. I remember sharing the accounts of these women to other men, and the men were surprised because their experience is the complete opposite. Women are still seen as weak. And in the corporate hierarchy, men (of tall statures) disproportionately make up the board of directors and executive roles.
Man, I have been in SO MANY internet arguments where I am simultaneously arguing against a woman that yes, men have problems, while also arguing against a man that no, those problems are not worse on the whole than women have.
Back when the whole “bear in the woods” thing was going around misogynists would try to jump in and support me.
Woman: “all men are rapists”
Me: “that’s insulting and hurtful and misandrist, and also not even close to true”
Misogynist: “Yeah! And also women are heartless bitches!”
Me: “I don’t remember asking YOU a goddamn thing”
no one is saying all men are rapists. what they are saying is that the statistics are great enough that women have to be on edge around all men. I wish you would take the passion you have for arguing against a generalization and devote it towards making sure the men around you aren’t part of the issue. I say that as a trans women who has seen the issue from both sides. I understand where you’re coming from, truly, but having been socialized male I saw that every man has chances to change the people around them and 99.9% fail to do so.
no one is saying all men are rapists
You know that’s not true.
you wouldn’t argue if I said all bears are dangerous, even if some will walk right up to you and let you feed them from your hand. again, you should take your anger at this turn of phrase and devote it to something that actually helps your cause.
and for the love of god, it might be time to analyze where you’re getting the news from. if you actually believe the fox news ass all men are rapists line then I dont know what to tell you, your critical thinking might just be fried.
if you actually believe the fox news ass all men are rapists line
I heard that first-hand from women on this site.
you wouldn’t argue if I said all bears are dangerous
Yeah no shit, that’s the point.
The court thing is not universally true. I worked in a family law firm for several years, and the practice in the courts here is to start from a baseline of equal custody and placement, and I’ve heard the same about other states. The men who lost out were the ones who wouldn’t fight, because they were convinced that the courts were biased. But hell, in one case, we got full custody and placement for a guy whose son wasn’t even biologically his! (His wife cheated, and he didn’t find out until well after they’d emotionally bonded.)
What about the me
You can’t spell me with me.
wat
EDIT: Look at the responses to this comment for the proof.
100%
It’s really bad and lemmy is really in denial.
Sexism here is much worse than it was on Reddit.
It feels like 2008 Reddit here sexism wise, except instead of Ron Paul libertarians tooting their horns everywhere we have heavy tracked vehicle enthusiasts.
I did hope lemmy having a left leaning culture would help but it does not.
Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “everyone has that why think about women” or “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.
Oh yea? One time I got kicked in the balls and it kinda hurt. Women have it soooo easy.
Alas I have been shown to be wrong! If not for my womanly ways I would have been the wiser!
you mean the comments that have been downvoted to the bottom?
Some instances have a left-leaning culture. Lemmy.world definitively does not.
I mean if you use the Marxist/Leninist definition of left then obviously not. But I mean left leaning in terms of the societal understanding.
Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.
that’s kind of just how controversial things are on the internet though.
Evens shitposting from men will get similar responses from women, it’s just how it is now. Sort of always has been.
THIS. EXACTY THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN.
Me: talks about issue disproportionately affecting women.
Lemmy User: It’s not really about women. Everyone suffers from this.
Lmao look at that douchebag’s comment history. Its arguably worse that than comment itself. God I wish there was a male loneliness epidemic because these fuckers stopped talking.
Its arguably worse that than comment itself. God I wish there was a male loneliness epidemic because these fuckers stopped talking.
oh no funny man on the internet yaps a lot about things.
I come here for sociological research more than anything.
I seriously doubt you know what the word research means.
i seriously doubt you have any concrete view of politics or sociology to begin with.
yeah bro, it’s the internet, everybody has opinions.
“yeah so actually i think this is a big problem”
“yeah evidently it must be a problem, but like, this has always been a problem, and seems to be a consistent problem”
“YOU’RE LITERALLY THE PROBLEM!!!”
Lemmy User: It’s not really about women. Everyone suffers from this.
also to be clear, you are literally straw-manning me here, i’m not saying that “men have to suffer with women having an opinions” nobody cares, it is what it is, i think it’s interesting actually. You’re the one arguing that because people discuss topics that they find personally relevant is somehow “oppressing women”
I’m not saying you shouldn’t shitpost about that stuff in shitpost threads, by all means do, there’s interesting dialogue in it. I’m just saying this is a common occurrence anywhere on the internet, for any community. Hell go find a community for something as mundane as lego, you’ll find the same shit there.
Not everybody NEEDS to have their own specific issue that specifically effects them for it to be a valid or real problem. I just think this issue is far broader than most people expect it to be, ironically, i could argue you’re literally behaving the exact same way you claim i am. Because you are, and that’s exactly what’s happening.
Do i care? No, i don’t it’s the internet do whatever you want.
Yep. Picking the bear.
what if im the bear?
Nah but have you ever considered that the reason that you think that there is a male loneliness epidemic is because nobody wants to hang out with insufferable misogynists?
no, i don’t think that’s a reasonable answer, because you’re doing the fascist thing of “these people are wrong they need to change, and if they don’t we can justify whatever shitty behavior we want, because we’re morally superior”
It’s not dissimilar to a lot of nazi rhetoric.
I think the problem ultimately stems from a disconnect in social development through out society. Feminism has pushed women forward, successfully in a lot of ways, but it has also pulled men back, in a lot of ways, that’s not necessarily bad, but there is now a void there, and there is nothing filling it in, that’s why the manosphere got so big so fast. It’s literally capitalizing on an empty market.
If you want to solve the manosphere, the solution is simple, we need to fill in the void, and fix this disconnect that’s been happening for probably 75 years now. How we go about that is complicated, and not particularly simple, but i think it’s pretty clearly evident that the problem is aimless/directionless guidance for men especially in the last 20 years. Paired with historically contradictory ideas of manhood. Men are supposed to be strong and protect the weak, but it’s hard to do that when they don’t want it, or need it.
Once this void is filled in, this shit stops happening, simple as.
lemmy.blahaj.zone has a decent amount of women and both their admins are women, it’s not a “women’s space” as one would describe since everyone is welcome there but it’s probably the closest thing one would describe as an instance “by women for women”. I am obligated to mention that it is a queer instance and that many of the women there are either trans themselves or strongly supportive of trans people, and do not tolerate transphobia or anti-LGBT sentiment (including refusal to support LGBTQ people) at all.
As much as I appreciate the community and users at Blahaj, in my personal experience, the moderation was fairly wanting. At least a year or two ago (not sure about now), they tolerated some pretty freakish right-wing people who enabled chasers and other weird shit on their communities.
They certainly do not seem very tolerant of that now, they very commonly ban people for thinly veiled homophobia and transphobia that would normally slide on other sites. They do not even seem mildly willing to tolerate the intolerant.
Everyone Except Fascists and/or Tankies
I think that kind of goes without saying.
I wish
spinster exists but I think its the opposite where its antitrans
We all pretend that it didn’t exist and do not acknowledge its presence; that’s the informal rule.
Yeah Spinster is generally considered a hate site, and consequently is very widely defederated, even from general purpose instances like lemmy.world. Also it’s less of a Reddit alternative and more of a Twitter alternative but is technically redundant since you can do everything you did on there on the real thing instead.
Most of the fediverse is male, and there’s a significant trans woman space, but there’s no spaces that really cater to cis women or to trans men specifically that I’ve seen.
And yes, I think it’s reasonable to look for a space that is strongly (though not exclusively) cis-woman, in the same way that a Protestant would feel out of place in a Catholic community, even though they’re all Christian. I imagine most cis women feel the same way as I (a cis man) feel when going to blahaj - like a friendly, allied visitor in a foreign land.
I can’t think of a single online space ever that has catered to trans men. It’s always infinitely easier to just act like a cis dude 99% of the time.
I guess there is Hudson’s Guide lol.
We have [email protected]
Community wise we have [email protected] its a women only community by women for women.
I was thinking of making one, but I’m not a woman, so I’ll think of something else
Community-wise there’s [email protected]
unfortunately I think this is the current answer, at least on Lemmy.
unfortunately?
Meaning there isn’t an instance for women, nor are there multiple communities - as far as I know there’s just this one community.
I think there’s also We are women on lemmy.ml and Women on lemmy.world?
sorry, I should have clarified that I was talking about active communities (where users regularly visit and interact)
beehaw.org aspire to be nice, friendly diverse and safe. But they’re more towards nice, not women. And we have lemmy.blahaj.zone for queer folks. To my knowledge, there isn’t a place aimed towards women. Maybe heehaw is the closest… Still not really a fit.
You could go ahead and also ask in some of the women communities, see how they get along here on the Fediverse.
The comments here make me very disappointed in our little corner of the internet. If anyone wants this but doesn’t know how, neither do I but I’d be happy help.
I am disappointed but not surprised. The attitude of men here reminds me a lot of default subs in Reddit. People tend to be more civil, but there is so much “but what about men?” when talking about women’s issues or belittling women still. Business as usual on the Internet, but I can see why it would cause women to avoid Lemmy.
I haven’t been back to Reddit, but it makes me miss the small niches where I didn’t see that as often.
I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, gender relations here are worse than they were on reddit when I stopped using it.
It’s a more niche “back room” kind of forum, so there are less casual browsers and more technerds here, which makes it predominantly male for a lot of reasons that require a whole other discussion to analyse, but it’s exactly like when reddit was a niche “back room” website gaining popularity.
Lets not forget when reddit started, it was absolute chaos, some of the very worst communities imaginable where at home there, and the userbase RAGED every time some pedo or hate sub got purged. But they did get purged, and it became welcoming for a more diverse group of users to participate in. (Until the bot nation attacked)
But like what even is a social media for women? I wasn’t aware the ones we currently have were for men
reddit has /r/TwoXChromosomes which is one of my favorite subs. It’s a general womens subreddit, and though it obviously leans feminist it’s not its main purpose. It welcomes all genders, but remains a womens space.
The fediverse could really use that energy.
I wondered if they made the jump over here. Guess not, sadly. Reading that sub has made me a better man, because it offers some pretty harsh critiques of male behavior.
We used to have an equivalent on our instance, but it was constantly flooded with reply-bros and trans people complaining about the name, so we archived it as no women was willing to moderate it (for understandable reasons).
Yeah but thats a subreddit not REDDIT itself, you can similarly start a /c/TwoX on just about any Lemmy instance.
There’s also /r/WitchesVsPatriarchy which is also very strictly woman-centered.
Damn women appropriating witchdom. Excluding boywitches just reaffirms the patriarchy’s gendering of magic. It’s re-inventing the same gender roles.
Don’t worry you have nothing to get from people identifying as “witches”
I’m sorry, what?
It’s women-centered because it’s “against patriarchy”… not because it’s witchy. And they are trans & queer inclusive as well.
I think it would be even more against patriarchy if it was enby centered. They should change that.
its kinda sad how one of the biggest women’s community on the lemmy/mbin side of fedi is [email protected]…
i mean, it’s a great community, but yea.
There seems to be a majority of males even in that community though
Idk the majority of posters there are transfems afaik, with a smattering of femboys posting as well.
Are you talking about browsers/commentors? Cause almost all the prolific posters are women, unless you’re being transphobic
I don’t know any of them and would not even recognize their usernames. Just be real, there can’t be that many women, it’s just not consistent with Lemmy’s userbase. To me that sub draws more attention from men who view it as a fantasy. Read the comments and the posts, many of them don’t seem legitimate
Erotador, totallynotjessica, kewwwi, and squirrel are by far the people who post most there and they’re all women.
My yin, I’m the one with the blahaj zone account here
i can assure you that the majority of regular posters on femcelmemes are in fact women, and many of the regular commenters as well. this is in part because of the wonderful dedicated group of posters who keep the vibe immaculate, and if it werent for femcelmemes, myself, and many other women would be much less active on lemmy.
Reddit is pretty pro-female, what is this riddiculous gaslighting ?
BTW, ALL of Lemmy+Mbin are pro-female as well.
please don’t call women “females”
bar yourself?
Go home & take a nap, you need it
Like women only or hosted by women? Based on the selfhosted poll I’m guessing there is a 5% there is.
Not women only but women centric and with additional moderation protection. And yeah, I’d also say that women should administer and moderate such an instance.
Both of them
I feel discriminated
My apologies as I didnt intend to
But wait… your pronoun is He/Him. I’m confused, you want to join a instance that is hosted by a woman and women only, but you are a men?
Where did you get these informations?
Pardon my ignorance but what would be the point of that? You can sign up on any instance and participate in any women’s communities. It’s not like there’s any way to verify the user’s gender anyway.
You really don’t see the benefit to a group of similar people to have a space focused on them, their wants and needs and daily lives? A community of people like them? It’s one of the most fundamental human desires.
That’s not what I said.
A community like that would hopefully ban misogynists who go unbanned on other communities.
“Community” is the operative word there. OP is asking about an instance.
An instance can be a community in the general sense of the word.
Right but it has a very specific meaning here.
They (I think) meant that the instance would be a community, and the admins would ban misogynists.
it’s called pinterest
Edit:
PS: Ok so it looks like people here are just as bad as redditors. I was answering the question in the Reddit caption of this post. Pinterest has been known to be an alternative to Reddit (as a link aggregator) which attracts women a lot more than men.
This is a KNOWN thing, check this 10 year old article from the people managing Pinterest stating as much
Of course women are welcome here, there is no question about it. Does it matter if there is an instance for women? I don’t even know, I know women who love stereotypical male stuff and vice versa. I assume anyone, male, female or anything in the spectrum, can browse around and collate their favorite subs
Not funny, not ok. Women are just as welcome here as anyone else and your comment is exactly why they are asking. “It’s a joke” - nope don’t even. Be better than this.
it wasn’t a joke
pinterest is an link aggregator just like reddit and geared towards women
of course women are welcomed here, no clue how you get otherwise from my comment
https://www.youthsense.com.au/youth-insights/men-are-from-reddit-women-are-from-pinterest/
Well…yes, it is a link aggregator, but have you ever used Pinterest? The uses for it vs reddit are wildly different…
Yes, I have. And the differences that you allude to are a huge part why women find it attractive, more so than men.
Pinterest itself have publicly stated this was not necessarily intentional and they wanted to bring more men to the platform.
I am more trying to argue that Pinterest and Reddit/lemmy are fundamentally different enough that they aren’t really interchangeable.
I personally use both, but, again, for wildly different purposes.
I agree, but at a higher level the analogy works… like a sports car vs a pickup truck vs a minivan. Very different but at the end of the day they are all vehicles and men tend to like one of those more than others, same as women (and no, I am not implying women like minivans… my wife forbade me from getting one when our kids were little and I had given up on a cool car for the convenience of one)
Well my argument is that they fall under a different analogy. Something like a car and wheelbarrow? They’re both used for transportation, sure, but they also have two distinct functions that don’t cancel each other out.
This seems like a very good niche for someone willing to do it. Problematic accounts could get a site-wide ban instead of each woman having to ban someone herself.
Niche? Bruh, they’re half of the population lmao
I would guess that most women wouldn’t feel the need to be on a woman-focused Lemmy instance for their main / only account. But, some might want an alt account to discuss certain things there.
While this won’t be the case with everyone, it was mentioned a few times in a post I made here a long while back
I’m a woman, and make no attempt to hide that fact in my posts. That said, I also don’t personally have much interest in talking about being a woman, so don’t sub to any of those places you linked.
Over on Reddit I just sort of let people assume I was male a lot of the time, since it wasn’t really relevant to what we were talking about. But from the start on Lemmy I’ve made sure to call out incorrect assumptions, downvote and give a talking to people stereotyping or being misogynistic, etc etc. And the more of us (of all genders) that make that same decision, the better things get
Zero women have tried to make one so far regardless of how many would use a new instance. So it can’t be all that in demand.
I think it naturally would occur if Lemmy grows in size. There’s not many people here to begin with.
It’s not niche being a woman obviously. What’s niche is having a community exclude 50% of the population. Nothing wrong with it, but it is niche.
I don’t know of any “men only” instances, the fact that it’s gender-specific is niche rather than the specific gender.
Unfortunately it is niche right now in the fediverse based on the stats. That could change but probably requires a different approach to achieve.
Nicole is on a mission to single-handedly skew those stats
Lemmy needs block lists users can subscribe to like they can on BlueSky, it would make a huge difference imo.
