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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • Wasn’t Shamshi-Adad the first one to claim the title “king of the universe”? 🤣

    Assyrian boasting always cracks me up. Sennacherib describes this battle against Babylon:

    With the dust of their field covering the heavens, like a wide, mighty storm, they drew up in battle array before me on the bank of the Tigris. They blocked my passage and offered battle. I put on my coat of mail. My helmet, emblem of victory, I placed upon my head. My great battle chariot, which brings low the foe, I hurriedly mounted in the anger of my heart. The mighty bow which Assur had given me, I seized in my hands. The javelin, piercing to the life, I grasped. I stopped their advance, succeeding in surrounding them. I decimated the enemy host with arrow and spear. All of their bodies I bored through. I cut their throats, cut off their precious lives as one cuts a string. Like the many waters of a storm, I made the contents of their gullets and entrails rain down upon the wide earth. My prancing steeds, harnessed for my riding, plunged into the stream of their blood as into a river. The wheels of my war chariot, which brings low the evil and the wicked, were spattered with filth and blood. With the bodies of their warriors, I filled the plain like grass. Their testicles I cut out, and tore out their privates like the seeds of cucumbers of June.

    Meanwhile, the Babylonian records say:

    The Assyrians lost the battle.