This is why I’m never having kids
berth control
Of all the great reasons to never have kids, this is the one that speaks to you, huh?
I chase high life. I don’t care that people say that I’m gonna get addicted. I’m very careful and don’t do it that often, so I guess it’s not really high life. But I also like having sex without interruptions.
The next day…
😇: Hey thanks for babysitting the kids last night. Little Bobby says he picked up some new dance moves you showed him. That sounded like it was really fun!
😯: Oh, wow. What did he show you?
😇: …
That… could’ve gone worse.
Why wouldn’t you lock the door? My partner and I both know when our son is gonna get up. It’s like clock work. If we are gonna fool around, we lock the door. We don’t want him seeing us.
Still funny shit kids say. Sorry, I got serious there fir a moment lol.
Clearly you don’t have cats, who see a closed door as a challenge.
The challenge doesn’t always stop at the door being open, like my BFF. He genuinely seemed to think he was my mate, but also loved everyone else on earth equally, at a reasonably close second (including cuddles with complete strangers). Whenever my human partner and I would get busy with the door open, he’d try to break us up or get us to focus on him instead. Closed wasn’t much of an option because that meant three other cats screaming to get in, and just the one being jealous was much cuter.
He’d walk and jump across and between us, pace around the bed, nuzzle into my arm for cuddles, curl up between someone’s legs, headbutt my face, bury his face in someone’s hand for pets, love-bite my (and only my) neck and wrists, the whole shebang. Anything he could do to get all the attention on himself and ruin the mood, he did. Except he didn’t meow much, and never that I can remember when he was being a cockblock, so that was nice.
It was fucking adorable, but so so so so so annoying. This started within a year of bringing him home from the shelter (adult, age unknown, likely 5+), and since I had him for 10 years before he passed, across multiple partners, I learned to keep one hand to the side for petting him to keep him reasonably calm. ngl I kinda liked the attention even if it was hugely distracting for everyone. And yes, he did always wiggle his way in the middle of non-sexy cuddles, too. He liked being the cream filling of the Oreo, and insisted upon a cat-body-separation, specifically his for the entire length he could stretch, between me and anyone who stayed in my bed that wasn’t another cat.
No, I do. One of them we got from our previous landlord. He was trapped in a room for the first 2 yrs of his life because our landlords dog hated him. So he’s very…needy…
There ya go… that’s why not to lock the door! :-D
I would let em in honestly…but my partner…she doesn’t like then staring when we are doing the dirty tango. He’s the type of cat to want pets during…he’s a soft fluffy boy.
I have a choice between being watched by cats or a destroyed door.
I’ll take the cats.
Fair enough. Luckily, our cats more run around knocking stuff down.
ohh yeah, ohhhhhh
scraaaaaatch scraaaaaatch scraaaaaatch
moww
brrroww
merrrrOWWWOWWOWOOWWWWWWW
We also always locked the door… but I guess some people don’t in a moment of passion.
Weird! And what about the safety gloves and hair net??!?
And the electric fence!
They had kids, moments of passion are not allowed unless previously scheduled, approved and notarized.
An even then the children will sense the threat of competition parental resources and find a way to stop you.
“…Mom, they were all in the kitchen like… and Aunt Kathy was like… and Auntie Rachel was all… and then Uncle Darren went all like…”
The girl moves just like Daniel Thrasher!
Hot damn, why is that so accurate?
Fair enough. It’s always preplanned for us. I prefer to be clean and ready.
Mr. Donaghy?
God, Kenneth.
I need to talk to you about an urgent, page-related matter.
He came out of nowhere.
We can talk on Monday.
Ms. Donovan and I have an hour between weddings to, uh…
Tickle each other like Teletubbies.
That’s how I used to explain it to my kids
when they walked in on us.
But I don’t want my promotion, sir.
I want to stay here in New York with all my friends.
I’m not going to let you say no, Kenneth.
This is a promotion for you.
And yes, it’s difficult.
But today is about pulling triggers.
It’s about making bold choices.
It’s about…
Two Spidermans fighting,
and sometimes they make weird noises.
But they’re not hurting each other.
How often did they walk in on you?
A lot.
