Executive turned executive coach = They got fired and couldn’t find a job, so now they say their a coach and try to scam people with useless advice.
Wait I can lose my job and then make money as a “life couch” ? Where can I find followers. I have a lot to teach.
100% I’ve seen it happen
Lol @ #4
That can quickly lead to “Why are you overstepping/ignoring your duties to go over management’s head? We have a chain of command you need to respect” then get you targeted and creatively fired.
“I cleared bandwidth to lead a higher impact project”
No, don’t say that! Say “I hurkledurked the dooper bobble.” It means exactly the same thing (nothing,) but using the business jargon of the 2030s so you stay ahead of the trend.
They have a point though. They are telling you to phrase things in a way that makes you look better.
How does speaking like a braindead MBA make you look better?
Because that’s the target audience of the speech.
How else are you going to become an executive and have all the
slavesemployees do whatever you want?
Why does the illustrated woman on the list look like the stonks meme?
I’m guessing it’s AI generated, but could be a stock image
*stonk image
SLAVRY
If anyone at my company, in any department, in any office, said any of these things, they’d be laughed out of the building by everyone up to and including the VP.
#7 lol
Don’t say: “I quit”
why? Quitting demonstrates that you are not passionate about your role
Say: “I exist to serve the company”
I work for an international company that locally clears 20-35 million year with 20 employees. They asked me to help them move hundreds of thousands of dollars in inventory in the warehouse while we switch buildings. I said, “That ain’t me, dude.”
Don’t say: “Please don’t fuck me.”
Say: “Sure , but get it in real deep and don’t use lube.”
I’d rather masturbate with barbed wire than say any of that garbage.
putting “why” before “say” is an interesting choice
Why sayest thou?
