because (IMHO) a lot of people that have kids either didn’t time it right or didn’t think it through, or it happened by accident.
and they are now wishing to get their freedom back.
kids (I’m sure) can be great and worth the return on investment… but there’s immense pressure on them to do well as a representation of the parents.
I planned my kids and still can’t wait to get some of my freedom back. Both can be true.
No amount of babysitting or exposition can truly show you show how relentless having kids is. Timing and planning will help alleviate that. But you are still one flu away from two weeks of hell. And that’s when your kids are healthy.
Absolutely right. I was living in a party house before I met my wife, and at that time I would’ve laughed at the idea I’d have kids. Fast forward three and a half years, and I’m married with a kid, and eventually two, and now they’re not babies anymore, or toddlers, and so while they can absolutely still be a burden, it also comes with an enormous amount of upside.
I’ve always firmly believed that without winter there is no summer, and so nothing is always the ideal situatiion you’d like it to be. And so yeah, winter comes and my wife and I get that household anxiety that there will be a stomach bug, but it is what it is. We cancel plans, we’ve missed thanksgiving and Christmas, but we’ve also had amazing times that wouldn’t have been the same without them. The good and the bad, and the ugly, because I like spaghetti westerns even though my family thinks they’re boring.
I think not having kids requires similar efforts of planning/thinking it through - just in a different way. Here’s an example that really made me thing about it: My friends neighbor are a childless elderly couple. The wife has dementia of some sort. Things have rapidly escalated - and the husband is not able to care for her or make decisions rapidly enough to keep them both cared for. My friend regularly has to intervene or help (she does not want to). She is also childless and genuinely surprised at the amount of care an elderly couple needs from outside just with day to day stuff. Having kids does not guarantee you won’t fall into this situation. But I don’t think people realize how much support the elderly need - and that it is most often provided by family members. I understand in an ideal world we would care for the elderly differently, but this is our reality today. So not having kids comes with a price down the road.
I also think the number of parents who actually regret having kids is smaller than you think. But to be fair, parenting is tough. My kid once pooped in an actual fan. So there are moments that even I wish didn’t happen.
In all cases, neither side is right or wrong. And I think we should have more empathy for folks - even if they chose a path we would not.
I know you said it, but counting on family support when you are elderly is such a gamble. I know so many people that moved away from family or their kids are too busy with their own lives to support. Many people get out into a home and visited a few times a year.
because (IMHO) a lot of people that have kids either didn’t time it right or didn’t think it through, or it happened by accident.
and they are now wishing to get their freedom back. kids (I’m sure) can be great and worth the return on investment… but there’s immense pressure on them to do well as a representation of the parents.
sucks… but it do be that way.
I planned my kids and still can’t wait to get some of my freedom back. Both can be true.
No amount of babysitting or exposition can truly show you show how relentless having kids is. Timing and planning will help alleviate that. But you are still one flu away from two weeks of hell. And that’s when your kids are healthy.
Absolutely right. I was living in a party house before I met my wife, and at that time I would’ve laughed at the idea I’d have kids. Fast forward three and a half years, and I’m married with a kid, and eventually two, and now they’re not babies anymore, or toddlers, and so while they can absolutely still be a burden, it also comes with an enormous amount of upside.
I’ve always firmly believed that without winter there is no summer, and so nothing is always the ideal situatiion you’d like it to be. And so yeah, winter comes and my wife and I get that household anxiety that there will be a stomach bug, but it is what it is. We cancel plans, we’ve missed thanksgiving and Christmas, but we’ve also had amazing times that wouldn’t have been the same without them. The good and the bad, and the ugly, because I like spaghetti westerns even though my family thinks they’re boring.
I think not having kids requires similar efforts of planning/thinking it through - just in a different way. Here’s an example that really made me thing about it: My friends neighbor are a childless elderly couple. The wife has dementia of some sort. Things have rapidly escalated - and the husband is not able to care for her or make decisions rapidly enough to keep them both cared for. My friend regularly has to intervene or help (she does not want to). She is also childless and genuinely surprised at the amount of care an elderly couple needs from outside just with day to day stuff. Having kids does not guarantee you won’t fall into this situation. But I don’t think people realize how much support the elderly need - and that it is most often provided by family members. I understand in an ideal world we would care for the elderly differently, but this is our reality today. So not having kids comes with a price down the road.
I also think the number of parents who actually regret having kids is smaller than you think. But to be fair, parenting is tough. My kid once pooped in an actual fan. So there are moments that even I wish didn’t happen.
In all cases, neither side is right or wrong. And I think we should have more empathy for folks - even if they chose a path we would not.
I know you said it, but counting on family support when you are elderly is such a gamble. I know so many people that moved away from family or their kids are too busy with their own lives to support. Many people get out into a home and visited a few times a year.