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nothing more to be said…
just ranting…
You’re not entirely wrong in that philosophy. At best we can hope for allies some of the time, but typically that arrangement will last only when mutually beneficial. We’re not owed anything, and that includes loyalty, allegiance, love etc.
I think the majority of people we experience in a lifetime will be parasitic, and will take infinitely more than they have the capacity to give. Even the “good ones”.
I think it’s fine to feel what you’re feeling, you have your eyes wide open and are seeing relationships for what they are, without idealism. How to reconcile that understanding with a happy, fulfilling life is another thing entirely.
Yeah I thought I had found one of the “good ones”. They were my best friend for years until they totally and completely rejected and abandoned me during the toughest time in my life. Because I was inconvenient for them. I’ve been an internet dweller all my life due to social anxiety. And I know that’s the only place now that I can really find safety and comfort, not the “real world”.
We are still friends now but it shattered the illusion of what I thought existed. And it is difficult at times to like them now. I feel even crazier flipping from liking them to hating them. Never felt that before with anyone.
They aren’t a friend I can just “leave” because we work together.
Just stop caring. Take it one day at a time. Are there bad people? Sure. Are there good people? Sure. Does today suck? Maybe. Will tomorrow suck? Who knows. It’s You vs You and the other you is winning. Just work on yourself one day at a time.
Not to mention, the “holidays” bring out the worst in some people. Hug from one internet stranger to another.
There’s more of us than there are of them. The problem is knowing who they are and who we are. Finding out is a process. Get burned enough times and the process feels pointless.
My mom said “Us” is the family, “them” is everyone else.
Nah, with that abusive individual you call my “older brother” and y’all as my parents? Nah, I’m good, fam. I’d rather make my own solo team.
But now I have trust-issues so I can’t really form a “team” with anyone.
Noted on the family-imposed definition. I was trying to be more general - “us” could be you and I, or people like us. But the more I think about it the more I think I botched it. Definitely wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience. Shit’s hard enough as it is, ya know?
Or the Rorschach philosophy, '“I’m not here with you. You"re here with me!”
It’s me versus the world. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.
In an alternative framing, you’re more than enough to take us all on.
I also was raised like this and not gonna lie left scars in my brain I’m unable to heal but luckily I’m good
I hope you eventualy find someone or something you can trust.
Perhaps start small? Say, ‘can I trust person X to respect my time?’ Or ‘can i trust person Y to answer a phone a call?’
I don’t belive that trust is only holistic… you can trust only very specific things if you want to.
I mean its hard when you want to seek help, but all that is in the eyes of people that claims they are trying to help you, all that’s in the eyes is 🤑 fucking dollar signs, how to charge you the most.
(I’m talking about therapy/psychaitry)
Therapy is fucking expensive. Learning that the hard way right now. I hate how the modern thing people just throw out to others nowadays is “get therapy”. I’ve had many people tell me that and quite frankly it’s offensive. It just absolves people from responsibility of actually giving a fuck about you.
When sessions cost $150 a pop, it’s not fucking feasible for most. Thankfully in a position where I can afford that at the moment, but I recognize that many can’t.
Plus there are so many fucking shit therapists that do nothing to help you in the real world. “Talk therapy” seems to be so commonplace with them and it’s just not useful for actually “getting better”. It’s not only financially difficult to find a decent therapist, but also mentally…as you’re having to rehash your story over and over again until you find one that can actually fucking help.
I’m still trying but it’s offensive as fuck when people in my life get frustrated with me for “not making progress” in therapy when they aren’t giving me actionable things to do.
I know right.
I just started listening to music and I started writing my own poems/lyrics and it feels better than anything “therapy” ever did.
That’s very cool.
Art is therapy and you’ve found some that’s less commercialized.
Rock on (or whatever your preferred genres are).
Hey man that sounds great! I’ve personally tried a lot of “indirect” approaches myself and haven’t had much luck…eating right, consistent intense exercise, getting a furry companion, etc.
One thing is that I’ve found also is that you can kind of do a sort of “self therapy” with particular kinds of books. Not vague self help books, but books with actual research behind them. This one in particular was recommended to me:
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/
Now, I get that this particular therapy modality is not for everyone or every kind of issue. And I recognize that not everyone enjoys this rigid approach. But I’ve become desperate for something with research behind it that has the potential to help.
I sought out a specific therapist with this modality recently and interviewed/grilled her on the intake session. I was happy to hear her bring up this book unprompted and she said she goes through the program in the same rigid way.
I’m probably going to be dropping my current “talk therapist” for her, but we’ll see how things progress. Luckily I have the “luxury” right now with taking a few sessions with each before I decide.
BUT the point is that this book is designed in a way that it can also be used alone and not necessarily guided by a specific mental health professional.
Good luck out there, man.
IMHO most therapists are just facilitating you ‘sorting your own shit out’. Which means any method of ‘shit sorting’ will help.
The most effective therapy I’ve ever had was from a friend who, rather than saying “deal with it” said “find a way to deal with it”.
She incessantly does that. She basically sits there and tells me to find a way to deal with it. It’s frustrating to me though. Like if I knew, I wouldn’t be there. And things just keep getting worse and worse and I’m destroying my career and relationships. Honestly I just don’t know what to do at this point, I’m at a loss
Maybe you can just switch teams?
