First question: how would you handle situations where you show interest in someone by writing a thoughtful blurb (maybe even witty), and they liked it enough to match with you, but not actually respond?
Second question: for those people out there who have someone show interest in you by writing a thoughtful blurb (maybe even witty), why would you not at least also say hi or some other basic acknowledgment? What is the expectation?
It feels bad when you put in time and thought without any response. That’s not their fault. It isn’t your fault. Something didn’t jive and that was a miss for both of you.
There is no expectation. Just like you don’t have to respond to me here. Actually, I take that back. The expectation is that they (and you) will only engage their own (or your own) terms. Neither of you owes the other anything.
What would I do? I would take no response as a hint and back off entirely. Matching carries absolutely no obligation to respond to me.
You’re absolutely right about how no one has to respond or keep a conversation going past its expiration date. If anything, I just find it odd to match with someone and not take it any further.
When I was online dating I would definitely hit a limit of how many folks I was able to talk to.
I’d stop engaging with the match component at that point, until I had more time/energy to talk to someone new, but some were already out there.
It can also be a mismatch in expectations about first messages. I’d generally start on the short end, and messages would naturally get a bit longer over time.
Conventions for your dating app may be different, but as both a recipient and a sender I generally found these guidelines to be true: “hey how are you?” might be too short and not engaging enough. Anything longer than 2 sentences might be too long and overly forward.
Especially since each match is with a different person with their own internal gauge of what a first message looks like. Too long and too short are both subjective and vary from match to match. The same message might be too long and desperate for one match, and too short and disinterested for another. You’re inherently making judgement calls and rolling the dice.
Sometimes you match while swiping absent-mindedly, and lose interest on a second look.
Sometimes you hit it off with someone else first.
Sometimes you just have so many matches that some of them fall through the cracks and get buried.
I’m going to guess that you do not have a lot of matches, so each one feels precious. But it’s likely that your match has dozens, if not hundreds, of matches themselves.
Crafting a message that comes off as interesting without seeming desperate is a very delicate skill, and even if you nail it you can still get overlooked. That’s life.
Dating apps are largely a numbers game. You’ve just got to tune your profile and try not to be too picky yourself. Most of your matches are going to go nowhere, and you can’t let that bog you down.
Things sure have changed since I was on the apps…
I’m assuming OP is a man matching with women, and that’s always been pretty typical for women.