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- Lord Denethor, Your son has returned.
- Who, Boromir?
- No the other one.
- Fuck him.
- … aye, my lord.
I’d phrase that slightly differently. “One does not simply walk into FUCKING MORDOR!”
That is better. I updated
what was the original? coz my first thought was “One does not fucking walk into Mordor”
That is exactly how I had the original
“One does not simply fuck into Mordor!”
Okay if we’re changing the movies, I’m going to say it again. Put Bombadil back in.
Then, he’s all “Eldest, that’s what I am… Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn… he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless – before the Dark Lord came from Outside.”
And then Pippin can whisper “what the fuck”.
Winner
That was probably the first take.
A BLACK ARROW suddenly THUDS into BOROMIR'S chest.
BOROMIR
Fuck me, not again.This but he drops character and is just Sean bean
“not again” suggests that already
Wait. There’s a difference?
“Fuck off you fools!”
I would also accept “Fly, you fucks!”
Fuck of a Took!
Scrolled hard enough to find this, yey!
A "What the fuck"belongs after Bilbo does the face.
Ew. Gollum’s sloppy seconds? 🤢
<blink>Bilbo</blink>
3 f-bombs. One per movie.
The last one has to go to Gollum as he falls down into the lava.
Frodo says it as he watches Gollum steal his ring and drop into the lava.
Bites off his fucking finger to steal the ring! Yeah, that deserves an F bomb.
That would be a Fuck Yeah
Aragorn: “Gentlemen, we do not stop 'til nightfall.”
Pippin: “What about breakfast?”
Aragorn: “You’ve already had it.”
Pippin: “We’ve had one, yes. What about second breakfast?”
Merry: “I don’t think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.”
Pippin: “What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn’t he?”
Aragorn: “Shut the fuck up”
“Poh-tah-toes… Boil em, fuck em, put em in a stew?”
tay*
Let’s call the whole thing off.
Well there are 3 movies, so technically you would get 1 fuck (or fuck equivalent) per movie. Everyone wants the Fuck to be funny, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it should be.
I think for Fellowship I would put it at the Balrog arriving and uttered by Gandalf, he’s the only person who understands the situation and a fuck would punctuate the seriousness of the situation.
For The Two Towers I think I’d make it happy/exasperated and give it to Aragorn as the Elves of Rivendell arrive (not book accurate, but also not the question).
For Return of the King I think it kinda has to go to Sam as he is reacting to Frodo crashing out. “Fuck, Mr. Frodo we’ve got to go on.”
Just one take, not the best or the last.
Return of the King, it should be when Gandalf gets his staff shattered by the witch king. Like an extremely disappointed kind of “fuck”
The fellowship of the ring: Gimli could quietly say “fuck…” as he hears the drums in the deep.
The two towers: Aragorn could yell it as he kicks the helmet.
The return of the king: perhaps when Sam fights the spider? Or maybe one of the sailors as the undead army runs towards them across the water.
Those would be my suggestions, though I think the movies are better off without it of course.
I was thinking Fellowship right when they start hearing the Balrog. Gandalf says quietly, with his head still half-bowed, “fuck.”
When the DMPC is anxious, the party should be puckering all angles.
Definitely Aragorn right after kicking the helmet
It needs to be somewhere trivial, like a character stubbing their toe, or just coming to a decision, rather than somewhere momentous.
It’s the only way it will become a meme 😇
Also, the phrase "devour feculence and expire"¹ can be uttered in a G-rated movie at any time, so you really don’t need to drop the word Fuck to make an impact.
¹ Eat Shit and Die - shamelessly stolen and expanded on fron the series Severance. (Originally: “devour feculence”)
like a character stubbing their toe
Boy do we have the scene for that…
And the only line is a gutteral howl that is waiting to be turned into a “Fuuuuuck”.
Maybe that’s what he said in Sindarin.
