(Washington DC) As the Nobel Committee announces this year’s Nobel Prize winners, much attention is going to the desires - some would say expectations - of republicans for donald trump to win the prize. However, rumors coming from the White House suggest they have a plan in case the president does not win.
Sources not permitted to speak on the record have revealed that a new “US Peace Prize” will be unveiled in November, which in their words, will surpass the Nobel in every way. Multiple sources confirm the prize will be triple the roughly one million amount given with a Nobel, although other accolades differ between sources. Some noted awards include free entry into all trump-branded clubs and facilities, the ability to claim a national park as vacation property, and “a long row of cheerleaders chanting your name as you go up to receive the award.” Sources indicate that the president is very excited for the naming of the first recipient of the prize.
Sources are concerned, however, for the aide that quipped “why would Obama want to go to a trump golf club” when the prizes were discussed. He has not been seen since.
almost ate that one
Unfortunately, it’s not entirely a joke.
Rep. Buddy Carter: “Donald Trump deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. That’s why I’m introducing a resolution today that will honor him with the Nobel Peace Prize.”
I feel I have a case, they are stealing my material.
I really gotta start paying attention to what community I’m looking at. I like to think I have OK critical thinking skills, but were just in bizarro land now. The Beatles keep singing in my head “nothing is real”.
It was entirely plausible up until the cheerleaders…
They had me until the very end. I couldn’t believe someone actually questioned him about it.
That so sad. I even believed the cheerleader part.
I bit off the title alone. It’s not just plausible, I’m shocked it hasn’t happened already.
I was going to make a joke about these same fucks complaining about participation trophies.
Then, I read the source.
I still stand by my comment.
Omg you got me
free entry into all trump-branded clubs and facilities
This costs Trump money, though. No longer funneling taxpayer dollars into expensive stays.
We probably shouldn’t give them any new ideas.
Give it a week and this will be a real headline.
Nailed it once again!
Except, they’d probably call it the World Peace Prize (like the so-called World Series). Oh, and teenage cheerleaders.
Believe it or not I spent time considering what to call the prize. In the end I think they’d assume US = better.
I also thought about describing the medal depicting an eagle driving a 4-wheeler off a ramp. But I felt that was both too over-the-top and too creepy if it came true.
I think many people here enjoy your writing, please keep it up!
They’re going to 3D print a Nobel Price at 5x scale.
Gold plated in Mexico
ahem
Gold
platedpainted in Mexico
I guarantee this will become true.
Allthebel prize
Getting harder and harder to tell The Onion from reality.
