“I am a good person.”
My Catholic upbringing really ingrained in me the idea that I’m a fundamentally bad person. Turns out, even if you deconvert, those thought patterns will still plague you. So I have to remind myself often that just because I’m not Catholic or who my parents would like me to be, that doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong.
“Give up on being happy. It’s just a distraction. If you do not succeed you will be wretched. If you fail you will not survive.”
I’m not supposed to be here, but I am, so let’s bring some happiness to others.
How I see myself, in an image:
… It’s not pretty I’ll say that much. It’s pretty much a daily mantra of “you’re worthless. You’re pathetic. You’re an idiot. You’re living the life you deserve” deserve being: perpetually single, working in a factory, renting a garage “apartment.”
I want to be a better man, not a bitter man.
Somehow, every time I look awefull I tell myself I look great and everytime I actually look great I tell myself I look awefull. It has happened way too often that people asked me if I was sick or not feeling well, when I thought I looked great. And whenever I felt I look like shit, I’ve gotten the most compliments…
“I’m not lazy, I’m overwhelmed”, “everything’s safe and sound” and a lovely “just shut the fuck up” for the demanding parts of myself
“It’s gonna be okay?”
“It’s gonna be okay.”
“It’s gonna be okay!”
“Of course it will be okay, I’m the one who’s going to fix it!”
You mean s m a r t :)
(he corrects himself, thus proving his smartness.)
A cashier at Walmart yesterday said about herself “I’m so smart”
I replied “SMRT”.
K-L-U-K
Know your worth and you don’t know what you got.
One person’s trash is another’s treasure, but sometimes fixing and cleaning up an item devalues it to the right person.
A misprint is the most valuable form of currency, but most see it as a fake or worthless.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and ugly is ironically chic when value is irrelevant.
Self depreciation is fair value in your economy.
Putting money in a car for personal aesthetic taste or greater performance doesn’t add value if the engine is blown.
The most dangerous lies you will ever hear are the ones we tell ourselves.
I’ve always been confused by this whole concept of telling myself things about myself. I see it regularly in self-help things - “You just need to tell yourself ‘I’m a good person’” or whatever - but it doesn’t even begin to make sense to me.
I don’t understand how it’s supposed to work. I’m not two different people, so I can’t tell myself something that I don’t already know. If it’s true and I can say it to myself, that’s necessarily because I already know it. And it’s not as if I can bullshit myself without knowing that that’s what I’m doing.
Sorry - probably not the sort of response you were hoping for.
I thought that I was the same as you, but actually I realise I ‘tell myself’ things all the time.
Mostly it feels like I’m bullshitting myself with things I ‘know to be true’ to drown out irrational things I feel.
Do you never have irrational monkeybrain chatter? Like, “I don’t feel like I’m ever going to be good at X”; only to reassure yourself that you’ll get better as you practice? If I ever feel disheartened, I often ‘tell myself’ that I’m not special enough to be uniquely incapable of learning whatever it is.
I put ‘tell myself’ in quotes because none of this actually happens in slow full language sentences in my head. It can, but bothering to sound out the whole thought seems silly and inefficient somehow. Mostly it happens in fragmented feelings and flashes of remembered sensations.
You are not two different people but you have different roles throughout your day and life. Like there may be a childish part that loves to do fun stuff or a grown up part that makes sure you properly care of yourself and so on.
Your thoughts can be viewed as a kind of communication between these parts e.g. when you are conflicted because you’d love to watch one more episode of your favorite tv show even though it’s late and you know you’ll be tired tomorrow. On the decision making progress your different “parts” communicate and sooner or later you come to a decision.
Beside this situational communication there may be also things we internalized e.g. because our parents told us or because we came to the respective conclusion. Like “if I don’t do my work properly, my coworkers will be mad”.
Sometimes the relation between your “conscious parts” is off or the internalized thoughts are bad for you. That’s why it can be good to be more aware of what you’re actually thinking. It’s just you in there, but a lot of you.
Similar to people telling me that I need to talk about things. It’s not like I can’t analyze things in my mind. I guess everyone has different brains.
twice_hatch hates herself and makes it everyone else’s problem
we can’t let them find out what we’re really like
“OK. I can do it. I can do it. OK. OK. I can do it.”
