My friend joined a car forum, because she’s into cars. She wanted to ask about car components, and the thread got about 14 pages in just a few days, but most people weren’t actually answering her questions, they just kept accusing her of being a man because the forum apparently once had someone “pretending to be a woman”. They kept calling her he/him, even though she said that she is a she (she’s cis). She’s 23 and most of the userbase on the mentioned forum are men in their 30’s and 40’s. She was being civil throughout the entire thing mentioning that it’s rude to misgender someone. Apparently the way she talked was too “proper” to be “girly” and people responded that her knowledge of car components was a “red flag” that she must secretly be a man. She pointed out that she doesn’t know why they’re so obsessed over a random stranger’s genitals and they replied back with “you’re the one who mentioned genitals, we think you’re the obsessed one here”. I wish that I was joking. Reminds me of the internet 20 years ago.
I wish that I was joking. Reminds me of the internet 20 years ago.
Because it is the internet from 20 years ago. The idiots who made DotA 1 toxic 20 years ago are now in a 30-40-somethings making a car forum toxic.
Those fuckos wanted pics to whack off to
LOL. A few weeks ago I came across an interesting coffee break discussion at work. Turns out, we have two women who are almost car mechanics. They can do all sorts of car maintenance most men would just outsource to a professional. They’re also good at knitting and mending worn out clothes. These women are actually far more competent than men would expect.
If you’re interested in something, jsut go for it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t start tinkering with your car because that’s not a girly thing to do. If you love what you do, spend time on it, you’ll eventually get good at it—no matter how much it may violate archaic ideals.
Whenever I see questions like this I remember this study: Video game experiment leads to insights into sexism .
TLDR is that it’s a skill issue. Lower ranked male players are more likely to be misogynistic than higher ranking players. Read into that what you will.
Underdeveloped ego.
Same men obsessed with making a woman prove she’s a woman to use a restroom. Just plain weird.
Unfortunately, much of the car enthusiast community is filled with extremely bigoted and closed minded people. It’s a big problem.
If you want, feel free to tell your friend about the Superfast Matt Discord server (Matt is a popular car YouTuber, and has a very active car enthusiast community on his Discord). They have a strict zero tolerance policy for that kind of shit, and everyone there is very accepting of new people. She can find an invite at discord dot gg slash superfastmatt
(Not trying to advertise, just hoping to connect your friend with the kind of people she’s looking for!)
Guys can be strangely insecure about being “a man”. If you tell yourself that you’re a manly man because you’re into cars which is a manly thing, then when a woman is also into that you either have to reject the uncomfortable idea or start asking yourself some more difficult questions about what being a man really means to you.
Although I’m a man I’m not an expert by any means but that’s my read. Could be just plain simple misogyny as well.
nice point
I ain’t reading all that because I know c/girlsarentreal but Nice try
As far as I’m concerned, not understanding this mentality is something to be proud of.
It seems like nonsense to even be wasting time arguing about whether she’s a woman or not on a car forum, but how did it even come up?
They misgendered her unknowingly and she corrected them as the post explains. Then came the 17 pages of misgendering and discussion.
I didn’t read the post that way, but that makes sense. I read it as they were calling her he/him because they had decided she wasn’t a she after it had already come up.
Regardless they are such a bunch of fragile gatekeeping man babies. Even if it was a man who was asking to be called by female pronouns, why would they care? It’s irrelevant to the topic.
Even if she introduced herself as “I’m a 23yo girl” I think it’s completely fine, I bet there’s tons of posts that start with “I’m a 40yo dude living in X state that decided to buy this bad boy, I’ve been having issues with…” And just keep going and no one bats an eye.
I agree, fragile babies.
I think that’s an odd way to start a post asking for car advice, but regardless the advice should hinge more on the vehicle and the problem rather than the sex of the advised. Having a dick has never helped me solve a problem with my cars …
My friend joined a car forum, because she’s into cars.
…and…
Apparently the way she talked was too “proper” to be “girly” and people responded that her knowledge of car components was a “red flag” that she must secretly be a man.
With this last comment right here it sounds like she is fairly knowledgeable about cars and the men on that community see “car knowledge” as their personal domain and expertise. If (gasp!) a woman knew more than a man on a car thing, then the man would be emasculated!! Since she was demonstrating knowledge, and perhaps more knowledge than some men, the men could only accept they were “beating” by another man and therefor they themselves wouldn’t be emasculated.
tldr; the men in that community are terrified of being perceived as “less manly”.
Idk, but why would I care what people think I am? Think I’m a dude? Cool. Think I’m a chick? Nice.
It’s actually kinda fun trying to be so neutral in your phrasing that nobody got any idea. I’ve been an active player on a certain long term game and haven’t slipped up once in like 15+ years.
Stop caring. Use it to your advantage.
As a person who figured out I’m not entirely cis partially because of feeling exactly this way, I just wanted to let you know you may want to look into non-binary identities.
Same, realized I enjoyed being ambiguously gendered a bit too much.
Holy f—
Just chill my guy. Not everyone cares about your genitals on the Internet. It’s a pretty normal posture to have.
Not to be contrarian, but the internet is full of people who care a lot about genitals. Pro, con, admirers, haters, artisans, maintenance, genitals are always a popular topic on the internet…
Don’t be an asshole about this. I’m just saying that the whole “taking joy in not being easily identified as male or female” might not be a wholly cis feeling. I said nothing about genitals, nor did I insist that this person must be non-binary. I just put forth a suggestion.
Not that you had a worthwhile or intelligent point to make either way, but the fact that you censored the word fuck just makes it all the more lame. Maybe put on some big boy pants before you talk to the group next time.
Not trying to be sexist, but why does it matter shes a woman on this forum in the first place? It sucks, but there are places on the internet where just stating you’re a woman gets you extra attention or help from desperate men. So maybe the forum is just tired of people coming on, stating their a woman whether true or not, and getting help way quicker than if no gender was to be said at all?
I know it paints me in a bad light but whatever, there is no reason to go on the internet and state your gender unless you’re looking for extra attention. Your friend could have just asked the question and left out gender talk completely. There was no need to state she was a woman.
I know this a pretty sexist example, but viva la dirt league put out a gaming video explaining why some guys are over it.
Come on, dude. Mentioning my gender has only ever gotten me harassment.
I’m sorry to hear that
Did you read the post? They misgendered her unknowingly and she corrected them, which is perfectly normal. That then became 17 pages of misgendering.
I’m not trying to say guys acting that way was the right course of action, I was just giving my two cents of why it may be happening.
which is perfectly normal.
Not on a car forum. That’s straight up asking for trouble.
Ok, but isn’t that the problem? Expecting misogyny and accepting misogyny are not the same.
Like, if you knew someone who was racist, and then they assumed you were their race, and you corrected them that you were not, and then they start in with bigotry and shit, that doesn’t make you the problem, even if you did know that he was a bigot and going to be shitty and hateful.
Nobody should have to pretend to be something they aren’t to avoid harassment.
I’m not justifying it - just explaining why it happens. If you walk into a male-dominated space and start lecturing people about gender pronouns, this is the reaction you’re going to get. If they’d stuck to talking about cars, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.
It’s also worth noting that some languages don’t have gendered pronouns at all - Finnish, for example. We use the same pronoun for men and women, so when I say “he” in English, I might be referring to a man or just a person in general. I know that’s not grammatically correct in English, but for me - and probably for a lot of others - “he” doesn’t automatically mean male. It’s just how the pronoun from our native language maps over.
Correcting people about your gender is “lecturing people about gender pronouns” now? Really? Seems to me like a lot of men need to be less fragile. What snowflakes.
Listen, lady, if you’re ok with men talking down to you because you lack testosterone, then I’m not going to tell you how to live.
I thought I was being perfectly polite in my response. I don’t understand how this place can be so full of jerks.
Well this forum is primarily men, so maybe coming here and being a woman, you should have expected that?
There are people trying to do genitalia checks in bathrooms in supermarkets. Americans are seriously fucked in the head right now.
