My friend joined a car forum, because she’s into cars. She wanted to ask about car components, and the thread got about 14 pages in just a few days, but most people weren’t actually answering her questions, they just kept accusing her of being a man because the forum apparently once had someone “pretending to be a woman”. They kept calling her he/him, even though she said that she is a she (she’s cis). She’s 23 and most of the userbase on the mentioned forum are men in their 30’s and 40’s. She was being civil throughout the entire thing mentioning that it’s rude to misgender someone. Apparently the way she talked was too “proper” to be “girly” and people responded that her knowledge of car components was a “red flag” that she must secretly be a man. She pointed out that she doesn’t know why they’re so obsessed over a random stranger’s genitals and they replied back with “you’re the one who mentioned genitals, we think you’re the obsessed one here”. I wish that I was joking. Reminds me of the internet 20 years ago.
Not trying to be sexist, but why does it matter shes a woman on this forum in the first place? It sucks, but there are places on the internet where just stating you’re a woman gets you extra attention or help from desperate men. So maybe the forum is just tired of people coming on, stating their a woman whether true or not, and getting help way quicker than if no gender was to be said at all?
I know it paints me in a bad light but whatever, there is no reason to go on the internet and state your gender unless you’re looking for extra attention. Your friend could have just asked the question and left out gender talk completely. There was no need to state she was a woman.
I know this a pretty sexist example, but viva la dirt league put out a gaming video explaining why some guys are over it.
Come on, dude. Mentioning my gender has only ever gotten me harassment.
I’m sorry to hear that
Did you read the post? They misgendered her unknowingly and she corrected them, which is perfectly normal. That then became 17 pages of misgendering.
I’m not trying to say guys acting that way was the right course of action, I was just giving my two cents of why it may be happening.
Not on a car forum. That’s straight up asking for trouble.
Ok, but isn’t that the problem? Expecting misogyny and accepting misogyny are not the same.
Like, if you knew someone who was racist, and then they assumed you were their race, and you corrected them that you were not, and then they start in with bigotry and shit, that doesn’t make you the problem, even if you did know that he was a bigot and going to be shitty and hateful.
Nobody should have to pretend to be something they aren’t to avoid harassment.
I’m not justifying it - just explaining why it happens. If you walk into a male-dominated space and start lecturing people about gender pronouns, this is the reaction you’re going to get. If they’d stuck to talking about cars, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.
It’s also worth noting that some languages don’t have gendered pronouns at all - Finnish, for example. We use the same pronoun for men and women, so when I say “he” in English, I might be referring to a man or just a person in general. I know that’s not grammatically correct in English, but for me - and probably for a lot of others - “he” doesn’t automatically mean male. It’s just how the pronoun from our native language maps over.
Correcting people about your gender is “lecturing people about gender pronouns” now? Really? Seems to me like a lot of men need to be less fragile. What snowflakes.
Listen, lady, if you’re ok with men talking down to you because you lack testosterone, then I’m not going to tell you how to live.
I thought I was being perfectly polite in my response. I don’t understand how this place can be so full of jerks.
Well this forum is primarily men, so maybe coming here and being a woman, you should have expected that?
No, this is just you being mean on purpose - and a hypocrite on top of it.
I don’t get what you gain from acting like a total jerk toward complete strangers who haven’t been hostile to you in any way. There was absolutely no reason to make it personal, but that’s where you chose to take it. I hope you’re satisfied with yourself now. Sure showed me.