My baby is 8 months old, and still wakes up at night. It’s not just waking up to suck, but also to play. She just doesn’t want to sleep! Falling asleep during the day is not a problem, but when night comes, she wakes up every two hours, and she can be awake for several hours. I’m losing my strength and the will to get up and I’m afraid I’ll lose my patience, even though I know I should be thankful because she’s a healthy and happy baby. My husband have more patience but we both are tired and Im beginning to worry for our mental health and relationship. I tried few sleeping techniques but none of them was useful to me Do you have some advice?
Don’t let her play. Swaddle her tightly and maintain routine. Restart the sound machine, run the mobile, etc. – whatever you do to indicate it’s sleep time not play time.
Also talk to her pediatrician about it.
And don’t afraid to lose your shit but plan for it. Make her safe (e.g.; strap her in a car seat) and walk away. Take the time to scream at the moon, she’s not going to cry herself to death.
You’re right, better leave for few minutes than having breakdown wiht baby in my hands
Thanks, every coment here was helpful!
I don’t have any useful advice for getting them back to sleep on top of the other comments, but for the sanity side of things we found that for us, taking turns was the only way back to sanity.
If you have the option of a couch or a 2nd bed, either you or your partner can sleep there whenever limits are reached. We introduced limited bottle feeds to make this possible at this stage.
A day or two of proper sleep can change lives at this stage.
Is she sleeping in her own room yet or still with you? We transitioned to being in their own room at around the 9 month mark, and that helped a lot. Before then, sleeping was a struggle, and the sleep training really helped around this time. Maybe consider this sooner rather than later if it’s this much of a problem.
With regard to the playing in the middle of the night, I’d just cut that and endure the whining for a few days until she realizes that she can’t play at night.
Assuming you’re bottle feeding, if you and your partner can adjust your sleep schedules to compensate for the 2 hour wakes, that could at least sort out your sanity. For example, if one person went to bed from 10pm - 7am and the other stayed up later and slept from 1am - 9am, then ideally the later sleeper could handle any wakes until 1am. The early sleeper could take the 3am wake, and the later sleeper could do the 5am wake. This way everyone gets about two 4h stretches at a time, and can get a full REM cycles.
She still sleeps in our bedroom, but I think thats not a problem, because she can sleep well anywhere during the day
I am breastfeeding, and that can be one of the reasons for frequent waking up (many parents told me that babies sleep better when bottlefeeding), but we definitely need to be more persistent when putting the baby to sleep
How educated are you on the biomechanics of breastfeeding? This is absolutely perfectly normal for a breastfed baby and like any other things there are disadvantages and advantages.
The advantage of bottle feeding formula is that formula has an incredibly high amount of iron which slows the digestive system, leading a child to feel fuller longer because things are moving more slowly which in turn delays hunger waking. The downside is that formula does not contain melatonin or induce serotonin production so doesn’t assist in making a child drowsy nor does it allow the parent to have the most restful night feeding experience possible.
The advantage of breastfeeding is that breastmilk does contain melatonin. If you sleep topless, your partner can latch the child while you stay essentially entirely asleep. The act of nursing induces serotonin (and oxytocin) production which allows the body to get rested on lesser sleep. I am a breastfeeding Mom and peer counselor and often joke that during the day, nursing is full service, but at night, nursing is self-service. I will be topless, but kid has to do all the rest. And they do. I doze during the nursing sesh. I nurse flat on the bed in the side-lying position so that if I do fall deeply asleep, my child is in the best possible circumstances vs falling deeply asleep in a chair or on a couch where kid will fall and be trapped between me and an arm or something.
There are, of course downsides to breastfeeding and the fact that breastmilk is digested more quickly than formula means there is a shorter time to hunger returns vs formula. (However, the quick digesting is super helpful when they have a tummy bug as you won’t have to worry about dehydration.)
The least advantageous feeding setup is to have Mom bottle feed breastmilk during the night. Mom misses out on those useful hormones which multiply rest benefits as those only come from nursing, the pumped day milk doesn’t have melatonin so won’t induce sleepiness in kiddo, but will still digest quickly.
I did not know half of the things you mentioned here, thanks a lot!
I did not sleep toples because I had too much, in first few months everything was wet, and couldn’t breastfeet flat in bed because baby had reflux, but thanks for advices, I can try with next baby :)
I have 3 boys.
Sleeping through the night has only just started for my last one, he was 3 in August. It has been nearly 10 years of broken sleep.
In saying that, it gets easier.
Have a bedtime routine, do it at the same time every night. e.g bath at 6:15, pajamas and stories at 6:45, bed and lights out by 7:15.
My first boy wouldn’t sleep, I had to sit by his cot when he was 8 months old, he would be jumping around being silly, I just sat there reading a book. Sometimes for 2 hrs, not taking to him or telling him to settle, but just being there. DON’T use your phone, it glows and is a point of interest, books are much better for this quiet time. Eventually he would tire. If he got distressed I’d pick him up and calm him, then put him back down.
If you are beginning to lose a grip with being mentally healthy, check the baby for your own sanity, once fed,changed burped, let them cry.
If not that then take full on turns when you have whole nights to sleep.
You sound like you are past a breaking point , but are too polite to realize it.
What’s ten baby? Do you have a link?
No link. I just mistyped.
I have advice but you aren’t going to like it. The advice you might like is to obtain a copy of a book called “Sweet Sleep” and read it cover to cover. It contains the latest research-backed information about sleep, not just what some first wave behaviorists opined after doing experiments on dogs back in the mid century. (Sleep training is just dog training from the mid-century and does not, I repeat does not, has been studied and absolutely does not, and it has been repeatedly studied and documented that it does not reduce the number of wakes a child has. It just increases their distress.)
Here’s the advice you aren’t going to like …
.
.
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Your child is not going to reliably sleep through the night without waking for one reason or another until somewhere between age 3 and 4. And that is developmentally normal. Nothing in your story right now is wrong, bad, off, or worrisome. I’m sorry that you ever had expectations set to the contrary. Those people were cruel and the only possible result would be to make you think something was wrong with you and/or your child. There is nothing wrong. Your daughter is behaving exactly as is correct for her age.
And. It. Sucks. Because you need sleep even if she doesn’t. You need consistent night time sleep. And you aren’t able to get that need met because your daughter is growing up exactly right. Two things can be true at the same time.
Day time sleep has an effect on night time sleep but ONLY after age two. She’s not that old yet. Mess with her day time sleep at your peril, it won’t change the nights.
Given that you say waking for hours, is it possible that your idea of bed time doesn’t match her biorhythm? Is it possible that what you think of as bed time is actually something her body treats as another nap? Some kids can go to bed at 6-7 pm for the night. Other kids go to bed at 9-10-11 pm/midnight, but catch an hour or so nap around 6 pm. Both of these sleep profiles are equally healthy and normal, but there is no money in it if the latter profile weren’t pathologized (if you get my drift). If you suspect your daughter is the latter type of child, then treat that evening nap as a nap and do the bed time routine later at true night sleeping time, and that will likely sort you right as rain. (Not for nothing but there is a correlation between what is socially considered a late bed time and intelligence.)
Wish we knew this when our kiddo was young. The amount of times we tried to step back bed time, be met with early success, only for it to rebound was a couple too many. Thankfully we threw in the towel and just enjoyed the sleep patterns he had.
Also the 3-4 years old thing is so true for us. I feel like no one talks about this!
At least I know now that there’s nothing wrong with her. Thanks, we will prepare better for next night and organize better
As others have said, it sounds like she’s getting too much sleep via daytime naps. Try waking her up from daytime naps before she naturally wakes up it you usually wake her up. It’s tough because she’ll be cranky and you’ll feel like you’re losing some valuable down time yourselves. But give it a try. I think you’ll find that she sleeps better through the night once you start limiting her daytime naps.
Sounds like she’s getting her sleep needs met… During the day. 😬 It’s a phase but I’m sure feels like eternity. You can caps naps, add white noise, make sure she’s warm enough, erc. Maybe introduce a lovey if you’re comfortable? I’d start with capping naps.
I feel every two hours is luxury :D
Our, at that time, woke up every hour and took a lot of time to fall asleep again, I was so exhausted that I was ready for sleep training with letting him fall asleep crying and so on. And that actually improved things a little bit, he would be so exhausted that he would then sleep for two or three hours.
Only in the long run this changed and he could sleep through most of the night.
I’m afraid you’re going to lose your patience, but that’s okay. :)
Depending on the child, sleep can be a very challenging experience. It may be a “phase” but may run longer than you’d hope.
You can look at switching from two naps to one nap or trying for a bit more play before the evening bedtime. Maybe some noise machine if you think that the waking up is due to environmental factors.
Any way, hang in there… you’re doing great!
I found sleep waking too much and struggled when woken. If you are both not working, having a schedule helps. Sleep training helps, but you may have tried that. Being super strict is the only way any of these systems work, so bear that in mind.
I found that a combination of shushing rocking and darkness helped but on bad nights it could take 3 hours for first sleep and be every hour after that at 18 months. However, most days it was sleep and nonwakes at that age. The more you can establish a routinez the better. Structuring physical activity to support sleep is good too. So lihmght exercise before naps. More exertion before night bed but at least an hour prior.
Regularity is also helpful. With everything. Naps, meals, night sleep, location. Routine is hugely beneficial. So starting a routine with a bath, brush teeth, familiar song, read bedtime story etc. We still use night lights that gradually dim over time for our 6 and 7 year olds, that were helpful when they were younger.
Yeah, we will plan better daily routine, that’s the thing we missed. I mean, we had some routine but it wasn’t so strict as it should be
Thank you and the rest of people here! I know this will going to pass at some point, we just need to stay strong!
Ha. I used to have to get up and play with my blob around that time 2 hours per night so you are not alone.
