I wish fucking supermarkets would understand this. I don’t have to be told in a super loud fucking annoying voice that I need to place the object in the bagging area, or switch to the other machine to use my card. I’ve already hit the fucking button to use the cc machine, you fucking nonces! I’ve already placed the goddamn stupid fucking bananas in the stupid fucking bagging area, shut the fuck up! AAAAAH!
It’s even worse now because you used to be able to mute the mother fucker, but now they’ve disabled that option.
I usually say, “You’re welcome, creepy disembodied voice.” Sometimes the people around me chuckle. Other times they look at me like I’m crazy. Both are valid.
I think you should update it to “You’re welcome, creepy disembodied voice that stole someones job.”
I just wear noise cancelling earbuds when shopping and listen to my podcasts
Imagine going to a supermarket with a real cashier instead.
I’ve had good luck with Walmart self-checkouts, they seem to trust you are doing the right thing. Price Chopper stores though… my god.
“Please place the item in the bag”
“Please remove the item from the bag, and start again” (yes with the pause)
“Do you have any coupons?”
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
NO! SHUT UP!
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
That one’s actually kinda useful, TBH. I used to work as a bagger, and it’s surprising how many times shoppers forget (whether intentionally or not) they put a pack of water bottles or tissue paper or something on the bottom of the cart.
The others are just annoying, though.
He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as quickly and as quietly as he could, ‘Door, if you can hear me, say so very, very quietly.’
Very, very quietly, the door murmured, ‘I can hear you.’
‘Good. Now, in a moment, I’m going to ask you to open. When you open do not want you to say that you enjoyed it, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
‘And I don’t want you to say to me that I have made a simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open for me and your satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
'And do not want you to ask me to have a nice day, understand?"
‘I understand.’
‘OK,’ said Zaphod, tensing himself, ‘open now.’
The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly through. The door closed quietly behind him.
‘Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?’ said the door out loud.
— Life, the Universe, and Everything
I need to re-listen to those books. They’re sooo good.
The door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”
He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”
“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”
In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.
“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.
From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.
“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.
Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.”
— Ubik
I haven’t read this one! Or at the very least do not remember. Ads book to list
PSA: Users didn’t ask the “algorithm” to do any of this stuff
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YOUR MOM REACHED DEEZ NUTS SHUT THE FUCK UP REDDIT
And stop telling me my chat Gpt requests are. “inappropriate” you have no right to judge!
What you speak of is heresy brother. You know not the weakness of the flesh. The Omnissiah grants me strength and life with each step I take towards The Machine.
Have I strayed from the path that The Omnissiah has laid out for me?
You have. Now go commit penance so as to hopefully be granted forgiveness in the eyes of the Omnissah.
[error] Damn, not found!
Our tech priest has spoken.
We are all one within the Iris.
They used to have a mute button on the self checkout but they took it off. Bastards
Same with gas pumps that blast commercials. Used to be able to disable it by pressing certain buttons. Not anymore.
You can always just disable that option with a hammer
Still works on some pumps near me, second button down on the right. Just as many pumps have quit with the videos.
Speaking as someone who works in retail, that’s probably because of fucking idiots who don’t know how to turn up the volume and then complained that it wasn’t making any sound.
Fair, but they also could just make it re-enable the sound when a new checkout starts.
That would cost the company money. We wouldn’t want the executives to make LESS than $20m this year, would we? The horror! The HORROR!!
Too many (more than zero) people were using it.
I guess I’m going to stop saying “You’re welcome” to the self checkout when it thanks me 🥲 I just didn’t want to be the first to go when the robot uprising happens.
No, do it :) its friendly
1 ms after paying for your groceries: “PLEASE REMOVE ALL BAGS! You forgot to take the bags off! Don’t leave without your purchase! These bags feel like a burning fire to me, so get them off as quick as possible so that the next person in line can start their purchase! Aaaaah, go away!”
“Please take all your products off the bagging area” and other spoken words feels soo condescending.
Just do a “dud” for when I scan “dud dud dud” when I do something wrong and “deet deet” when I need to weigh stuff. When I’m bagging just leave me the f alone.
There is a parking garage exit gate in my area that says “drive safely” in a very ominous condescending voice. I don’t appreciate that at all.
Awww drive safe? You know that’s the man we done for speeding earlier!
Then don’t go to Japan. Everything speaks to you! All the time. In some cutesy way.
uWu
walks into the bathroom
Toilet: Konnichiwa! Please, allow me to accept your waste!
Slowly backs out of the bathroom
Niisan, don’t go, please!
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
(I liked that so much, it bears repeating.)
Starting to sound like Gabriel over here
I miss when my computer used to scream at the top of its lungs every time I dialed into the ISP to get online. It’s like the death wails of a robot.
Sovereign Citizen does computers
I have to agree at least when I hear: “place your item in the tray area”. Just shut up!!
