I am a sexual abuse victim as a toddler. I am 60 and I still have cPTSD and need counseling. I cut off all local news to help with depression and anxiety and only read what I choose, yet in the past week there are literally over a dozen new cases with attempted kidnappings, peepers in bathrooms and showers, multiple rapes, CSAM from various religious organizations, and lawsuits going back decades. It seems like a pandemic of predators is happening.
I’m sorry this happened to you and that you still have to deal with this
Having said that, out of genuine curiosity, why is it that you’re still dealing with this 50 years later? I’m very sure I’m wrong here, but doesn’t there come a time you can give this a place and go on with life and be happy? Seriously not trying to flake or anything, really just curious how people get stuck in that.
The Wikipedia article on CPTSD would be a good place to start. It does not just go away after a long enough time.
Something like that happening to you at a young age shaped your development and the person you become.