Research says involuntary celibate men make “fundamental errors” about what women want in a partner.

  • agitatedpotato@lemmy.world
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    9 months ago

    Sigh. Just say you don’t know shit about mental health and move on with your performative outrage for any time you hear the word incel. I don’t have time to teach an idiot about trauma informed perspectives and it’s clear you’re not looking to learn anything, so I’m going to ask you to shut up and listen to the mental health professionals, like the one’s in the article who did the study. Because your little rage fit over incels is NOT more informed than studies conducted by professionals, and in fact is much more regressive so congrats for a perspective that make the problem you pretend to care about worse.

      • agitatedpotato@lemmy.world
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        9 months ago

        For real, like damn, if you want there to be less incels, well we gotta fix it, and unless their personal solution is to just round em up and throw em in camps, then maybe we have to listen to the people who spent time studying this. Shocking.

        • shiroininja@lemmy.world
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          9 months ago

          it’s on them to fix themselves. not society. I’m alone, divorced, but I still don’t blame women or society. that’s the incel’s problem: lack of personal accountability, entitlement to a woman, society blaming.

          it takes two to make a relationship, and I’m tired of my fellow man being offended at having to work at having a relationship

          • barsoap@lemm.ee
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            9 months ago

            So in one, direct, uninterrupted, comment chain we went from

            No but it can absolutely be a trauma response.

            to

            it’s on them to fix themselves.

            Geez lemmy.

              • barsoap@lemm.ee
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                9 months ago

                Ah I see and because it’s their responsibility they shall not have any help dealing with it. This just in: Having ADHD is your responsibility, therefore, no Aderall for anyone.

                Them being incels is also not the fault of the medical system, but it’s still the medical system’s responsibility to help incels to develop responsibility. It is the fault of society at large that incels are incels – noone is born one – so it’s even more the responsibility of society at large to help them get rid of that bullshit. Both for the incel’s and society’s sake. Or are you yourself too alienated from everything, too atomised, to recognise that? Well by your own logic that’d be your responsibility to fix, no need for me to even mention it you can do it on your own.

                • shiroininja@lemmy.world
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                  9 months ago

                  wow, you’re greatly misunderstanding what I said. I said it’s their responsibility to seek help, get meds, get therapy, and actually take their meds. You can’t force someone to better themselves. you will always fail unless they put in effort. And with incels, most I’ve met don’t see anything wrong with their thinking, so they won’t seek help.

                  I’ve had to put in a lot of work to manage my mental illness. It is my and only my responsibility to make sure I take my meds everyday and to maintain healthy habits that keep my mind functioning properly. Nobody can physically do that for me. Education on better choices? sure. but actually do the work to not be a shithead, that’s on me. It’s like getting sober. It’s a lot of work, and you have to put in effort. It won’t happen for you, no matter how many treatment centers you go to.

                  • barsoap@lemm.ee
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                    9 months ago

                    No I understood you just fine. If that’s how you wanted to be understood from the start you should have started out with saying what you did say now and not condense it down to

                    it’s on them to fix themselves. not society.

                    We’ve all heard the “personal responsibility” spiel so often usually it means “fuck you got mine”. And it’s not like you’re saying anything new on the accepting therapy side – that goes without saying when we’re talking that there should be therapy. Then, there’s indeed ways to coax people into accepting help, I’ve been talking about that with others elsewhere in the thread, meanwhile you’re standing there bogging it down to “it’s on them”. No. Not good enough. That’s an excuse, an excuse to later on throw up your hands and say “well they couldn’t be helped”, you know, the exact opposite of taking responsibility. “We’ve tried nothing and are all out of ideas”.

        • GBU_28@lemm.ee
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          9 months ago

          Many tankies on Lemmy, throwing people in camps would probably get upvoted

    • totallynotarobot@lemmy.world
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      9 months ago

      This is a really gross and condescending take. Outrage over incels isn’t performative, and if you think so you’re either stupid or a psychopath. Just because you don’t personally face threats of bodily harm doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

      Go outside.

    • 2fat4that@kbin.social
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      9 months ago

      This was a well composed response but it doesn’t change the fact that nobody cares about incel mental health. And they shouldn’t because incels don’t really matter. Forget them. They are so far down the list of groups that need support it’s laughable. They are a joke and should be regarded as such. Your recognition of incels empowers them which warrants suspicion.

      Also, your faith in mental health professionals is concerning. Are you, by chance, Canadian?

      • agitatedpotato@lemmy.world
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        9 months ago

        Your recognition of incels empowers them which warrants suspicion.

        Sure bud. Recognizing problems is bad, and ignoring them is how we fix them. Huge brain take. If you really need find a group to feel superior to, you do you, but I suggest therapy and a better world view as a healthy alternative.

        • shiroininja@lemmy.world
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          9 months ago

          it’s on them to fix themselves. not society. I’m alone, divorced, but I still don’t blame women or society. that’s the incel’s problem: lack of personal accountability, entitlement to a woman, society blaming.

          it takes two to make a relationship, and I’m tired of my fellow man being offended at having to work at having a relationship

          • petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            9 months ago

            I’m alone, divorced, but I still don’t blame women or society.

            I’ve got this everybody.

            Ahem.

            Clap

            There you go. Your one, single congratulations.

            Can you get out of the way now? Give psychologists the space to do their god damn job?

        • 2fat4that@kbin.social
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          9 months ago

          Incels aren’t a problem for regular people. They only really exist in social media which is, obviously, not real life and cannot hurt you. Unless, you want them to? Did a troll hurt your feelings? Did he call you a cunt on Tinder? Did they call you “bud” in a sassy reply? You gave them power by being so fragile and now you want to give them more recognition. 80% of incels will grow out of it. This article, and you, are validating Jordan Peterson. Congratulations, you’re an incel ally.

      • barsoap@lemm.ee
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        9 months ago

        They are so far down the list of groups that need support it’s laughable.

        Are you somehow thinking that “Giving incels help” means “enable them to continue being assclowns”? Because that’s the only way I can make sense of what you’re writing.

        Giving potential offenders help in the form of enabling them to form relationships which aren’t abusive is helping not just incels, but also the people they would victimise. This isn’t a zero-sum game helping them to get their shit together is a win-win scenario.