CHICAGO—Calling attention to the startling lack of tied-up cherry stems in the average diet, health experts from the American Medical Association warned Tuesday that Americans were not sensually eating enough fruit. “While it’s recommended that adults erotically suck on at least two pieces of fruit daily, many people are falling far short of that,” said Dr. […]
Hey, I was already sensually eating junk food.
Seriously, though, I would not put it past this CDC to try to sell me some bullshit woo about how activating endorphins whilst eating fruit unlocks some quantum vitamins or something.
Am I crazy or does that sound within the realm of possibility for them?
I don’t know if they’d say that specifically – but you’re not alone in having trouble telling real announcements from satire!