Hi, I’m Domi.
Long time lurker, first time poster. I just wanted to say that you have all helped me a great deal.
It’s been long and slow journey unpacking the huge pile of internalised phobias that were pumped into my brain as an assumed male growing up in the 90s and 2000s. I have spent a long time in this very self-loathing “everyone is valid except me” way of thinking.
I’ve been reading your stories for a long time, the beautiful trans joy and difficult and terrible things too. You being here, being yourselves in all your glory, it has been a way for me to feel community and connection even before I could admit to myself who I really was.
So thank you all, thank you for sharing your joy, thank you sharing your hard times, thank you so much for being who you are. You’ve done more to help me than you can know.
Welcome sister. I understand how hard it is to step into the community and to actually embrace being one of us. May you find all the sisterhood and joy that I have.
Also I highly recommend that any trans people who are able should join some irl trans spaces, especially early on. It was so good for me back in the day and helped me so much. I fell out of them, most do, but they tend to be there mostly for folks early in transition
Thank you <3. Being called sister just made me feel very nice inside. I am very lucky in having some amazing friends and a supportive partner, but I have been scared to reach out to irl groups because I’ve really internalised the idea that those spaces aren’t for me. I have some really dear close trans friends that have been hugely supportive but they live in other countries and we see eachother only maybe once per year.
I’ve recently been at some IRL events where I’ve introduced myself to new people (isn’t it so nice to do that with a new person and they dont have to re-adjust any pre-conceived opinion about you and they just go “Hi Domi, nice to meet you” and it’s no big deal? :)).
I am learning that a lot of those imposter fears that have held me back are not reflected when I actually do talk to people in trans spaces IRL. Even though I’m not yet very femme-presenting, everybody so far has made me feel welcome and valid. The same way you have here.
Yeah those trans spaces are more for someone like you than someone like me (post transition). And yeah it really was this wild shift of thinking of such spaces as so scary to them turning out to be so welcoming. And eventually you just find your place in fellowship with other trans people.
The other thing is that knowing other people at a similar stage to yourself is hugely important. Someone my age who’s just now transitioning is going to have a wildly different entire experience from me given I transitioned at 20 in college, but also it’s long over. I remember the sleepless nights, the hormonal fights, the hope, and the dread and all that stuff, but it’s in the same way I remember being 16. Both groups need people who are there and people who had been there recently to thrive.
But yeah, you’re at the exciting and scary stage. Try to enjoy what you can of it, eventually being trans just becomes your normal.
Thankyou for sharing your wisdoms with me. O Captain! My Captain! 🫡. I really do appreciate your thoughts and perspective.