A lot of the time I think I haven’t been clear enough that I dont want sex, I’m always so confused when it happens. I have ptsd from a rape that almost killed me, now my response to any advances is to freeze up and dissociate
Anyeay, I’m ace, and I tried dating someone on an ace specific site. We met up at an Airbnb (we lived in different states), and I kept saying that it made me uncomfortable how many men take my playful conversation style and laughter as an invitation to sex. And that under no circumstances did I want that. You can probably guess what happened.
I haven’t dated since then, because it’s apparently the only way I can be safe. I don’t think all men are like this, and I’m sure a couple would be horrified if they realized I wasn’t consenting.
I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope you’re on the path to healing.
I don’t think all men are like this
Thankfully, a huge amount are nothing like that. I have a few guy friends that I know I can trust with my whole self, to just be good guys.
The scary part is that too many are like that, and even scarier is that there are even more in a gray area in the middle - ones who wouldn’t necessarily act like that, but if a friend did, they’d defend that froend instead of calling out shitty behavior and holding them accountable.
The analogy I heard the other day was:
It’s like assuming every gun is loaded. Of course not every gun is loaded, but for your own safety you should act like every one is. Of course not every guy is going to pressure you about sex or possibly commit SA but for your safety you should act like every one is.
I have always been upfront about it when attempting to date. You’re right though, some people don’t believe it exist, and others feel they can “fix” me lol
A lot of the time I think I haven’t been clear enough that I dont want sex, I’m always so confused when it happens. I have ptsd from a rape that almost killed me, now my response to any advances is to freeze up and dissociate
Anyeay, I’m ace, and I tried dating someone on an ace specific site. We met up at an Airbnb (we lived in different states), and I kept saying that it made me uncomfortable how many men take my playful conversation style and laughter as an invitation to sex. And that under no circumstances did I want that. You can probably guess what happened.
I haven’t dated since then, because it’s apparently the only way I can be safe. I don’t think all men are like this, and I’m sure a couple would be horrified if they realized I wasn’t consenting.
I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope you’re on the path to healing.
Thankfully, a huge amount are nothing like that. I have a few guy friends that I know I can trust with my whole self, to just be good guys.
The scary part is that too many are like that, and even scarier is that there are even more in a gray area in the middle - ones who wouldn’t necessarily act like that, but if a friend did, they’d defend that froend instead of calling out shitty behavior and holding them accountable.
The analogy I heard the other day was: It’s like assuming every gun is loaded. Of course not every gun is loaded, but for your own safety you should act like every one is. Of course not every guy is going to pressure you about sex or possibly commit SA but for your safety you should act like every one is.
About your freezing up/dissociating: I too live with PTSD and sometimes I find my own patterns of behaviour to be very difficult to change.
But difficult just means difficult, not impossible, right? 💪🏽
Over time I think we can get better at coping with trauma ❤️🩹
You have the added issue of being ace, an orientation most people don’t understand and, at some level, don’t even believe exists.
I have always been upfront about it when attempting to date. You’re right though, some people don’t believe it exist, and others feel they can “fix” me lol