What’s your take? Would you take seriously dating a single parent or would you do it just for temporal fun? Should people with kids date just people with kids?
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Been married to one for 20 years
Depends a lot. I guess the short answer would be yes, but as a single with no children I must admit it would initially make me feel uncertain.
Edit: thus is just my personal take. I believe it’s nobody’s business to say who should date who, each to their own.
I wouldn’t date either of my parents.
That’s okay I’ll date your parents for you.
Hi dad/mom
Of course, it’s much easier when they’re single.
I don’t want kids and I’m not interested in short term flings so I wouldn’t.
It’s not not wanting to “raise someone elses kid” but rather just not wanting kids period. I didn’t get snipped at 21 just to wind up with a kid anyways.
At the same time I wouldn’t be opossed to a hookup with someone because they are a single parrent if that’s all they were looking for as well. But I’m asexual so hookups just aren’t my thing period.
I did. We got married and had two more. In retrospect, I think she would not choose over 30 years of active parenting. I am really enjoying how close I am with my kids and, while I’m still close with and important to 2 of the older 3, their dad is still their dad.
I did, she got married and is no longer single.
Much easier to date married parents because then you don’t have to worry about someone being available to watch the kids.
That’s a good point.
Single mom? Absolutely. Single dad? No. But thats mostly because I like women.
Fair
I currently am. We’re 3 years in to the relationship and her and her daughter have moved in.
We’re planning on getting married.
We didn’t plan this, we were friends before she got married but despite going on a date, neither of us caught the flirting of the other. She got deployed and then got married and had a child. We started talking again when she was going through her divorce and I was planning to move out of state. Neither of us wanted anything serious. She wanted to go through a bit of a slutty phase and just have fun, so we just started hooking up. And then we caught feelings for each other.
Every single day, I reflect just a bit and am amazed how happy they make me. There has never been anything that has made me smile so much as how much I love her and love being her step dad.
If it’s okay to ask, what’s the reason for the divorce?
Nope. I’m childfree.
I’d say if you understand that if it gets serious, you will find yourself in a parental role of some kind (specific degree varies situation to situation), and accept that as a something you will step up to as necessary, go for it.
I was a dumb-as-rocks 20 year old when I met my ex-wife and her kid. Now my marriage is over, but I am that kid’s de facto dad and that’s pretty much a ‘for life’ thing. I don’t regret that and they are the most important human in my life, and I like to think I did a decent enough job helping raise them (no worse than my own young parents, at least). But if I had a time machine, I can’t say I wouldn’t go back and ask young Cracks if he really understands what he’s getting into.
That said, circumstances could have been such that the dynamic was different (older kid at time of arrival, more involved biodad, etc.), so YMMV. But regardless, people with kids are a package deal, and that needs to be seriously considered when dating/getting into a relationship. If that doesn’t line up with what you want out of life, there’s absolutely no shame in that.
Depends on the relationship with the kid and what expectations are for me.
If I was given the option, against my will despite me deciding to be childfree for my life, as to whether I would date someone who is a single parent or have sex with someone to have a kid with. I would rather have sex with the person to have a kid of our own with.
Never again will I date a single parent, when I already did. She was a single mother and she more or less gave up and lost custody of I think two kids to two different guys. Huge red flag, I know. And I believe that’s why we probably did a lot together without child interference. But I know she wasn’t perfect herself.
I even had a couple times, been in awkward moments where I was meeting the father of one of the kids. It was just a series of situations I don’t ever want to be in again. You just run the risk of being involved in things you didn’t ask to have any business to be in, in the first place. If dating single parents is your swing, then by all means if you can prove to be the better opposite than the original parent.
It’s not for me.
You just run the risk of being involved in things you didn’t ask to have any business to be in, in the first place.
I completely get where you’re coming from. Many of the things you post as drawbacks are things I experienced. But this quote, I had to comment on.
This is just a facet of life. You are always going to find yourself thrust into situations you’d rather not be in. Kids definitely contribute to that, but so does having a job, a partner, or just going out into the world.
Last week, I found myself in line at an amusement park in front of a couple of young men who were — swear to fucking god — discussing a tier-list of races. In front of me was a very nice Indian father with his son whom I’d been talking to. And there I am, an old white guy looking like a fucking F-tier asshole by association. I didn’t choose to be in that situation, but I had to deal with it anyway. Yeah, my kid was there, and that informed how I handled it, but it could’ve easily happened without her there.
I’m just saying, avoiding kids saves you only a small measure of dealing with shit that you never asked for. And also christ I have needed to share that for a week because I can’t get it out of my mind, so thank you.
That being said, I understand where you’re coming from. A situation where one parent only tolerates the kids for the sake of the other is bad for everyone, and by understanding yourself you are making good decisions here for yourself and potentially others.
The point of the matter was, is that I knew I never wanted kids and I knew I never wanted to be a part of any custody-drama or interacting with the other parents or what have you. Yet, I was in one because I don’t know why and I completely disregarded whatever reason as to why since it was a long time ago, about 13 years ago. I guess I was trying to be flexible because most of my life, I’ve always had people tell me “well you can’t judge so and such unless you’ve tried it”. Well guess what? I tried dating a single parent, so they can eat shit, because it didn’t work out for me.
9 times out of 10, I’ve always had a choice to avoid kids and I continue to do so. Moreso ever after that shitty experience that long ago. That one singular point out of that score of 10, is accounting for when I’m at work and I can’t avoid them. So I didn’t really need a ‘lesson’ about what I said, in fact I found it pretty disrespectful because it is putting someone’s words in their mouth, even metaphorically. Especially when it’s a low-hanging fruit one that everyone largely knows about.
I’ve already learned that lesson and I’m basically saying - never fucking again. If it can be helped and it most certainly will be given how things in my life are going - never fucking again.
Hey, I apologize if I made you feel like you needed to defend yourself. That wasn’t intended as an argument or refutation. I just wanted to unpack one little sentence and provide a perspective on it. You know yourself and it sounds like you’re making the right call for you.
I get what you’re saying, and if that’s your perspective then, absolutely, dating someone with kids isn’t something you shouldn’t be doing. But you did ask for it when you dated someone with kids. Not saying your perspective is wrong, but the wording might be.
I’ve been in plenty of situations I don’t want to be in again where I didn’t know I’d feel that way before I was. Some learning experiences aren’t as pleasant as others.
Nope! I don’t really like kids and don’t want them. Part of the reason why is I don’t think I’d be a very great parent. To reasonably date someone with a kid, there would need to be some level of commitment also towards the kid and I simply do not want that.
