So… I got my diver’s license as soon as I turned 18. It was a very stressful period of my life, and I hated everything about driving. They promised me freedom, but I got shackled.

Passing the exam as a nightmare (took me 3 attempts) and even during the lessons the professor saw how horribly tense I was. I got sick just by thinking about the car.

Once I passed, my family decided that I’d get over my fears by forcing me to drive, every single day, for weeks, with the whole family in the car, yelling, mocking me…

I had several panic attacks that were dismissed as lack of maturity, and I stopped driving. It’s been years.

But now I’m going to have to get better at this due to circumstances, and I’m scared.

I feel that I can’t focus on all the elements of the road, I have a very hard time calculating distances because I’m very short (edit: 1’50m, if that is relevant) and barely see above the wheel, I have to move the seat so close to the wheel that I fear that if one day the airbag jumps, I’ll suffocate. My blind spots seem infinite.

My car is automatic, so no stick to worry about.

If you have read all I wrote, I’ll greatly appreciate any advice or encouragement. Thank you

  • Jackie's Fridge@lemmy.world
    3·
    10 hours ago

    I don’t have anything more helpful than what others have posted, but I wanted to add that you cannot control the actions of other drivers, but you can watch them and plan for their actions.

    I ride a motorcycle, so I assume other drivers are always trying to kill me (that is an extreme way of putting it, but not inaccurate). Under this assumption, I am constantly scanning the road conditions, signs, traffic flow, and importantly, other vehicles’ behaviour. It sounds like a lot to take in, but with practise it is not so bad.

    Start small - sit behind the wheel in a car park to get used to how things look from that position. I love the suggestion to place paper bags as obstacles when you start moving to improve your perception of space around the car. Typically, people will eventually “extend” their sense of their own body to include the car itself, but that is easier for some people and harder for others.

    Getting back to my original point: when you drive, you are almost driving the cars around you as well, since you should monitor and predict potential issues caused by other drivers. Like “feeling” the car around you, this is also something that comes with practise.

    Most of the time, I leave ample distance between me and other cars and drive a comfortable speed. If someone doesn’t like my pace, they can pass me. Their urgency is not my concern. I watch how cars ahead of me drift and move along the road, how their front wheels are angled at intersections (to predict where they plan to go) and how they navigate around other drivers.

    After a while, based on other cars’ “body language” it will get easier to predict their actions and leave yourself plenty of time to react, or even take a different route to avoid issues.

    Finally, a positive note. Most drivers do not want to damage their expensive car. Around 90% of problem drivers are simply distracted, which is usually something you can predict by their movement, or by any change in traffic flow that might surprise someone not paying attention (curves, road hazards, roundabouts and intersections, highway exits and onramps, etc.).

    Driving is something you can do, and it is a lot of small, quick observations that become part of your technique the more you drive. Start small and practise at your own pace with someone who is supportive.

    If you were comfortable with it, you might be prone to distraction while driving, so use your discomfort as a weapon! It will keep you vigilant and likely be your biggest strength on the road.