Maybe it’s cuz I’m an introvert, but I realized I haven’t really talk to my aunts/uncles outside of family gatherings that I was forced to go to…
Like idk, older generation feels so weird… like they feel kinda intimidating…
Yes. We get together with extended family every year. We enjoy each other’s company.
Weirdo
Yeah i never call or hang out with them separately, but i enjoy seeing them once or twice a year when we all get together
I used to until they all joined the maga cult. Last one i saw in person said the n word in an unprovoked rant about black people, then praised trump for allowing him to feel comfortable saying it again…
I won’t see most of them but at funerals. The last funeral was terrible because they are terrible people now. Cousin also wore a trump shirt to the funeral. Trashy.
…said the n word in an unprovoked rant about black people, then praised trump for allowing him to feel comfortable saying it again…
There’s the whole MAGA movement summed up in one sentence.
(I know I’m generalizing, but) in my life, the same people who would have crucified someone wearing anything but a black suit and tie are many of the same people who would wear The Orange Anus’s clothing line at a funeral now.
Same thing with wearing/modifying the American flag. It used to be verboten by nationalists, but now it’s not (if they do it).
I have some contact with my siblings but pretty much only see most people once a year for holidays. I could do without the holidays, honestly.
No. But also I don’t really make any effort. I see the drama my wife goes through with her close family and I don’t need any of that. They are just strangers who share a relative with me.
No ill feelings, I’m just no less awkward with them than other normies.
nope. they pretty much didn’t give a shit about me until they learned I was somewhat successful and had kids, then they wanted to be involved in my family.
no birthday cards, no wedding invitations, nothing. then bam, once they all started to get old enough to start dying they wanted to reach out and be family again.
not just that they ruined a particularly fond memory I had as a child and I never forgave them for it.
fuck em. they’re just strangers to me by now anyway. I wish them the best in life but have no desire to include them in my life.
Some, not all. And who I stay in touch with changes over time. I have many aunts, uncles, cousins and the next 2 generations so it isn’t possible to keep meaningfully in touch with everyone. We have a pretty good grapevine so information eventually filters through.
I attended a funeral this week and all I can say is I have some regrets, imperfect though they were
things are hard, it’s not always possible, amd people are complex, but it’s good to still try
The last line makes it sound a lot more like social anxiety than introversion.
Eh, when I was in K-12 school, I remember talking to my peers in just fine…
Like what do I even say to older generations? There’s an authority differential I feel like.
Just catch up what’s been going on in each other’s lives. Not rocket science. I’m not close with extended family, but at gatherings it’s like we were never separated, the conversation just rolls.
Relationships are incredibly important for living a long and fulfilling life.
One of the most common regrets of those nearing the end of their life:
“I wish I had stayed in touch with the people who mattered.”
It also has a protective factor to your health too.
Now, does that mean that you have to force yourself to like those extended relatives? No, of course not. Just like any other people, you must make the assessment whether these people are on the whole a benefit or a deterrent to you.
But being a family member often grants you a quick on-ramp to foster those relationships.
We all often say it’s too hard, we’re too busy. And I’d argue that if you find value in it, then you’re going to do it with intention and make the time.
No. I moved around a lot as a kid, and we’re all scattered around the country at this point.
Yeah we see them every year or so, more my dad’s side, they came over last year as a surprise birthday visit for my dad. My mum’s brothers don’t usually come down to our area cause she moved away in the first place. And we don’t go up there as often since Grandma died.
My mom has a scheduled video conference call with my siblings and I every few weeks, so we stay in pretty good contact that way. We also all get along pretty well. Family is spread out halfway across the States, so getting together in person is a bit tricky.
I see my sister who lives nearby every few months (generally when our parents come through), and one brother roughly once a year; other brother is farther away and harder to get together with.
Cousins, aunts, and uncles are rarer, even though they’re closer. Think the last time I saw any of them was at a funeral.
My parents moved away from both their extended families so I only met each side once at like family reunions.
So it’s me, twin, and mother out here in the area. I think mother keeps up with some of the 36 other cousins on her level of the family. I think twin vaguely knows what dad’s brother is up to (hiding in the woods)
We have an unholy amount of second cousins, twice removed cousins, but they’re all far away.
It depends.
As you get older these kinds of relationships become more important because… for most people they’re one of very few constants in life. As in, friends and even partners come and go but from the day I’m born to the day I die, my ancestors will be my ancestors, and I share that in common with extended family.
That doesn’t mean you have to talk to them or keep in touch with them or go to family gatherings. It just means that even after 3 decades of not speaking to a particular uncle or aunt, they still have that background and that title.
To some people that might not have much meaning and that’s fine, but to me it does mean something, although I’m not sure what exactly.
I have this very weird “connection” to one of my aunts… like… she was the one that sponsored for my family to be in the US, so I kinda feel grateful for not having to be in China. Like she always act very “nice” towards me… idk I feel like its a flame that’s too hot to touch… I’m an introvert and I don’t like social butteflies being so like… saying a bunch of weird things like… how do I put it… like very personal things… like maybe its just Chinese culture, but there’s no topic that’s “off limits” that these relatives won’t talk about (I’m talking about like the overall “family culture” vibes), even very personal stuff like your bodyweight, “omg you grew taller” then this aunt kinda tries to lectures us on stuff like how she raises her children and as if to say this is how you’re supposed to be raised and your parents are raising you wrong (implied, not actually said), future and marriage stuff like “hey when you get older, you’re gonna get married right?”, “what do you wanna be when you grow up”, “which college do you wanna go to?”, “we’re going on this expensive trip, do you wanna come with us” like just showing off their wealth (they’re “middle class”, and my family is lower on the wealth scale), and like this aunt would like constantly like to take pictures of me when I don’t really like it (like not in a creepy way, its a different cultural expentations so taking pictures of kids is not considered weird, I just find it very annoying… I hate being in photos since I’m just shy af lol) like we don’t see each other often…
Like idk feels like this aunt looks at me like as if I’m this very skittish kitten and just really want to like “pet” me, know what I mean…
So, me with that “skittish kitten attitude” I just feel reluctant to “be around with this human” that really wants to get close to me. But I still feel grateful to like be in this country thanks to the aunt.
Yep. I’m Australian and my partner was raised in South East Asia.
I run into similar cultural discrepancies (?) from time to time. Like in her home country it’s 100% acceptable to tell someone they’re overweight and everyone have a good old laugh about it.
And yeah, photos. God.
I don’t really have any solutions for you I’m sorry.
No. All are dyed in the wool trumpers these days and didn’t do jack shit for me in younger years in the midst of very hard times of family problems (eg, parental divorce).
I have my true family and loved ones, and would rather not complicate things. I’ve already spent hundreds of thousands of words mending one close relationship successfully; but that was one worth saving as taxing as it was.
As far as older people go you mention, the funny thing is I’ve always been more comfortable around people much older than me. Always felt distant from my peers, generally.
