I always hear about the benefits of forgiveness, but that almost seems always like the worst choice.
I had a shitty family with mother that was manipulative which led me to being depressed for more than 4 years, while trying to forgive her and my sisters.
I finally took the decision to stop trying to forgive them and stopped talking and contacting them(since more than a month ago) and my mood and mind had never been better. I was even surprised about the speed depression left me since then.
My point is, forgiveness is a very bad choice.
Even Tit for Tat would agree with my opinion here.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you keep interacting with them or keep up any relationship. Forgive, not forget. Forgive, not give them the opportunity to repeat the harm.
People say you forgive for yourself in order to move on. Personally it has never really clicked for me, how to forgive someone who hasn’t asked it or changed.
The thing that helps me let go and move on is understanding and acceptance. Understanding why they are the way that they are, or accepting that I may never know. Accepting that they are not the person I thought or hoped or wanted, and understanding how they actually are based on their behaviour.
Forgiveness may come much later, once you are safe and able to process with some distance, but only if it would benefit you. No point in forgiving someone who keeps hurting you.
"People say you forgive for yourself in order to move on. Personally it has never really clicked for me, how to forgive someone who hasn’t asked it or changed. "
This is a good point.
In this case the term “forgive” is almost, but not quite a misnomer. View it more as moving past the trauma and not letting it affect you in the future, irrespective of understanding the perpetrator’s behavior. This usually involves leaving them behind and ending all contact with them. Most people that behave in such a way to cause others trauma will never change. The only thing you can do is move past them and go on with your life.
I hope that makes sense.