so, as somebody who hasn’t dealt with marriage legally, I have to ask: does this matter specifically as it pertains to the people getting married?
isn’t common-law a thing? why would you care if a government that doesn’t respect you says you are married or not?*
like, what is the actual difference in how you are treated if you are legally married or not? having dealt with common law in Ontario a little bit, no organization cared about legal marital status. I imagine one big area this could affect things is kids, but I’m not sure how — after all, people get divorced or have kids without being married now, so what’s the difference?
I’m genuinely curious how this actually affects people’s lives.
I am not interested in discussing how this is obviously a disgusting policy and my opinion is that judges who refuse to marry same-sex couples should be removed from their position (forcibly if need be)
*one obvious issue is that if they won’t marry you, somebody sure as fuck might not respect common law status, but that’s my question - who might not respect that? insurance shouldn’t care, right? but actually, yeah, I could see spousal benefits not being acknowledged…
It affects taxes, survivorship, power of attorney and healthcare proxy, property separation at divorce, all sorts of things. Common law only kicks in after 7 years and there are requirements on it, you can’t just start filing that way because you feel like you want to. It’s not fun hoping your SO doesn’t get in a car accident, because that’s the last time you might see them.
okay that’s very different to here, common law here is much earlier and it happens (at least for taxes) whether you want it to or not after that time period. although you can of course not file together, until they catch you I guess.
everything I dealt with for death and healthcare, nobody gave a shit about seeing a marriage certificate, we just put each other’s names down and that was that. never had any issues. never had the talk with a lawyer about POA etc as I did not update that during the relationship.
the idea that an insurance company or something could choose to refuse to acknowledge your gay partner is scary, though. I can see why not having legal proof would be a huge risk.
Common law marriage also can be a problem in probate. When I lived in Texas I got married specifically because we were worried about my husband’s estranged family contesting our joint property if he were to pass. Or contesting our PoA in the case of medical decisions.
Marriage makes locktight a lot of “privileges” that matter. Your “roommate” of several years can be denied a place at your bedside when you or the child you are raising together are dying. In regards to kids a lot of joint non-married/divorced mixed sex custody is held on the name placed on birth certificates… but same sex couples will have only one name on that certificate. Marriage is super important in a queer context for making sure you are able to participate in your childrens lives.
In the same way a lack of formal marriage can make your next of kin parents who do not “agree with your lifestyle” make critical health decisions on your behalf. They can stick your partner in hellish limbo spaces with banks if you die and you didn’t make a will leaving you without support of pre existing programs or survivor benefits. A bunch of legal doors can close meaning you are more easily separated from your nearest and dearest when traveling, emigrating, interfacing with the criminal justice and court system. Queer marriage is a legal sheild that protects the pair of you in many ways more than straight couples because it stops a lot of institutional bias that dismisses your relationship as potentially not relevant to the authorities who gatekeep access.
so, as somebody who hasn’t dealt with marriage legally, I have to ask: does this matter specifically as it pertains to the people getting married?
isn’t common-law a thing? why would you care if a government that doesn’t respect you says you are married or not?*
like, what is the actual difference in how you are treated if you are legally married or not? having dealt with common law in Ontario a little bit, no organization cared about legal marital status. I imagine one big area this could affect things is kids, but I’m not sure how — after all, people get divorced or have kids without being married now, so what’s the difference?
I’m genuinely curious how this actually affects people’s lives.
I am not interested in discussing how this is obviously a disgusting policy and my opinion is that judges who refuse to marry same-sex couples should be removed from their position (forcibly if need be)
*one obvious issue is that if they won’t marry you, somebody sure as fuck might not respect common law status, but that’s my question - who might not respect that? insurance shouldn’t care, right? but actually, yeah, I could see spousal benefits not being acknowledged…
It affects taxes, survivorship, power of attorney and healthcare proxy, property separation at divorce, all sorts of things. Common law only kicks in after 7 years and there are requirements on it, you can’t just start filing that way because you feel like you want to. It’s not fun hoping your SO doesn’t get in a car accident, because that’s the last time you might see them.
okay that’s very different to here, common law here is much earlier and it happens (at least for taxes) whether you want it to or not after that time period. although you can of course not file together, until they catch you I guess.
everything I dealt with for death and healthcare, nobody gave a shit about seeing a marriage certificate, we just put each other’s names down and that was that. never had any issues. never had the talk with a lawyer about POA etc as I did not update that during the relationship.
the idea that an insurance company or something could choose to refuse to acknowledge your gay partner is scary, though. I can see why not having legal proof would be a huge risk.
Common law marriage also can be a problem in probate. When I lived in Texas I got married specifically because we were worried about my husband’s estranged family contesting our joint property if he were to pass. Or contesting our PoA in the case of medical decisions.
yeah, I have heard that even in clearly defined wills/POAs, there’s still room for contest, so this is more evidence to support
Marriage makes locktight a lot of “privileges” that matter. Your “roommate” of several years can be denied a place at your bedside when you or the child you are raising together are dying. In regards to kids a lot of joint non-married/divorced mixed sex custody is held on the name placed on birth certificates… but same sex couples will have only one name on that certificate. Marriage is super important in a queer context for making sure you are able to participate in your childrens lives.
In the same way a lack of formal marriage can make your next of kin parents who do not “agree with your lifestyle” make critical health decisions on your behalf. They can stick your partner in hellish limbo spaces with banks if you die and you didn’t make a will leaving you without support of pre existing programs or survivor benefits. A bunch of legal doors can close meaning you are more easily separated from your nearest and dearest when traveling, emigrating, interfacing with the criminal justice and court system. Queer marriage is a legal sheild that protects the pair of you in many ways more than straight couples because it stops a lot of institutional bias that dismisses your relationship as potentially not relevant to the authorities who gatekeep access.
being able to inherit your partners’ property for one example. family cohesion for another (texas may not recognize anyone not married as a parent).