Edit: Just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of the kind and informative responses I am getting here, and for all of the constructive discussion I see going on in this thread. You all are amazing. 💜

I’m 34, came from a conservative home that was in a Christian nationalist cult. The idea of homosexuality was an ultimate taboo, I didn’t even learn what “transgender” was until well after puberty, well after I’d casually had the thought to myself that being a woman wouldn’t be so bad. Well after I’d been chastised for playing dress up with my mother’s clothes despite the fact my brother never did.

Even when I did learn of the T in LGBT, I had so many excuses as to why that didn’t apply to me. I’m just overly imaginative. I just get along with some more naturally than men. I just see women as people and feel strongly about their issues because I’m a progressive egalitarian man.

Even when those excuses failed me, I told myself I was genderfluid, or nonbinary. And in many ways those both definitely apply to me still. I do not experience dysphoria existing as a man all the time.

But today I cracked. I messed around in faceapp and touched up a photo of a time id shaven and had my wife put makeup on me and I cracked. I cried. I let myself feel that deep sense of longing I’d always instinctually suppressed.

And then I realized I was well and truly fucked. I live in Oklahoma. I have a child. And I live under some of the worst conditions to be beginning a journey that is being persecuted more than ever….

  • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    6·
    14 hours ago

    This is all great advice. My only change would be to move out of OK first. Go to ny, or, wa, or ca or something. Go to a trans friendly state in a trans friendly area. Or, fuck, even get the hell out of this country. Mexico or Canada.

    Normally, I’d say you’ll be fine. But politics right now is that you need to GTFO to a safe place right now with all the money and skills and resources that you can. Take all the family that you want and are able to, too, and make it so you don’t have to look back.

    • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      2·
      8 hours ago

      I don’t disagree that getting out of OK is a top priority, I just think it’s going to take a while to make a move like that happen. You can get on HRT much more quickly and it will likely provide immediate benefit.

      It also makes sense to come up with several plans to leave the state, some of which are quick / emergency style plans (just get out even if it means temporary homelessness in a trans refuge state) while others are more ideal (move into housing with your stuff, with your family, etc.) but slower.

      I certainly drew up several plans and also wrote up an escalation of what exactly would trigger the emergency plan.

      For me, that was legislation being passed or change in law enforcement such that simply being trans was directly criminalized - i.e. trans people being picked off the streets or being targeted door to door and put in prisons and forcefully detransitioned in prison (like they are doing in Florida). That was my “red alarm” level, I get in a car and flee the state even if it means being homeless and not having any of my possessions, etc.

      Luckily my state did not manage to pass any such legislation in that year I was trying to move (though I will note, Texas did attempt to pass a bill that would have criminalized all trans people, and luckily it did not pass), and I managed to get out under ideal circumstances.

    • terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      7·
      11 hours ago

      The problem for me is that when it comes to moving, cost of living and opportunities are a big issue. Thanks to cost of living here, I can support my disabled wife and my autistic daughter on my wages of $19/hour while working from home. It seems I would need to at least quadruple that if I wanted to move to a more progressive accepting area.

      • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        4·
        8 hours ago

        There are relatively affordable trans refuge states like Minnesota (which is is in the upper half for affordability) - while it would be better, you don’t have to move to a big city to be much safer and have access to healthcare.

        Here are some other considerations:

        https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/top-5-states-to-be-transgender-in

        Another benefit to moving to a blue state is you are more likely to earn higher wages and enjoy better benefits, as unions are more common in those states and the laws are more equitable. Depending on where you move, there might also be more programs to help assist with a disability (even financially). For example, Minnesota has various services for disabled adults, and a food and financial assistance program for families with low income. I don’t know what it’s like in Oklahoma, but where I was in the South there were not a lot of supportive services or programs like that in the state I came from.

        The bigger struggle will be with affording the costs of moving / relocating - it’s expensive to move, if you need a truck to bring furniture across state, it might be cheaper to try to sell most of what you own and move with as little as possible. Otherwise, it can be thousands of dollars to rent a truck and move it across the country.

        There are potentially funds you could apply for to relocate:

        https://www.hrc.org/resources/emergency-funds-for-relocating-families

        Finding a job in another state is another major hurdle / challenge.

        But that’s why right now it’s just a matter of sketching out a plan and moving towards it, this is a big project, don’t have to have everything figured out at the start. It took me almost a year from when I started planning to when I was able to actually get out.

        • terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
          3·
          5 hours ago

          I appreciate all the info and the resources. My wife and I definitely have a lot of thinking to do for ourselves. We’ve made quite the life for ourselves in Oklahoma and it puts us in reasonable proximity to a lot of family and friends.

          We will consider many options but my first instinct is to do what I can here. Trans people do and should exist everywhere and in spite of the adversity I know I’ll face I know I can also be an example and a role model right where I am, if I can manage to stand in the face of the tyranny I’ll be subjected to.

          One thing I want to do for sure is find a community of other trans and trans-ally individuals here in OK that I can plug into and be a part of.