Edit: Just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of the kind and informative responses I am getting here, and for all of the constructive discussion I see going on in this thread. You all are amazing. 💜
I’m 34, came from a conservative home that was in a Christian nationalist cult. The idea of homosexuality was an ultimate taboo, I didn’t even learn what “transgender” was until well after puberty, well after I’d casually had the thought to myself that being a woman wouldn’t be so bad. Well after I’d been chastised for playing dress up with my mother’s clothes despite the fact my brother never did.
Even when I did learn of the T in LGBT, I had so many excuses as to why that didn’t apply to me. I’m just overly imaginative. I just get along with some more naturally than men. I just see women as people and feel strongly about their issues because I’m a progressive egalitarian man.
Even when those excuses failed me, I told myself I was genderfluid, or nonbinary. And in many ways those both definitely apply to me still. I do not experience dysphoria existing as a man all the time.
But today I cracked. I messed around in faceapp and touched up a photo of a time id shaven and had my wife put makeup on me and I cracked. I cried. I let myself feel that deep sense of longing I’d always instinctually suppressed.
And then I realized I was well and truly fucked. I live in Oklahoma. I have a child. And I live under some of the worst conditions to be beginning a journey that is being persecuted more than ever….
Hey sister. These are scary times and I wish you the very best. I’m about to go to bed and I just wanted to share this link with you: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
It was very helpful to me when I started out.
I also wanna say that transitioning is whatever you need and want it to be, and that there are no requirements to being trans or a woman. You are exactly who you feel you are and no one gets to tell you what that means to you. Clothes, make-up, voice training, hormones, surgery, etc. While I recommend experimenting in a way that is safe and comfortable to you, I also wish to stress that there’s nothing wrong if you don’t feel you need some of these things.
Realizing that transitioning meant doing the things that relieved my dysphorias and also just the things I want to do was very freeing to me, and so just in case you’ve ever gotten the impression that some things must be done, or that you have to have some dysphoria of some kind to qualify please be aware that this is not the case. This is all both about relieving dysphoria but also about freedom of expression. (Your identity is descriptive not prescriptive is what I’m trying to say. Do whatever you feel like, and then whatever label you use is just how you describe it to others)
I’m sorry about your situation and I wish things were easier. There are many here who have lived through similar things or are in the midst of that sorta thing right now. Hopefully they can offer advice on that. I recommend checking out the blåhaj matrix channel as there are several americans there who you might wanna talk to.
Reading your message brought an immense sense of relief to me and spoke to a deep anxiety so I greatly appreciate that. I suppose I will need to learn what this matrix thing is all about, I should’ve known I’d run into it eventually being a Lemmy user for any amount of time. I’ll be sure to read the other link you sent as well. Thank you so much for your time and thoughtful response.