yeah no fuck that… send me to hell
Ah no, all your dead relatives are there, all trapped in one room. Welcome to the barrel of monkeys, in you go.
That’s why I find the idea of heaven to be self-contradictory.
One person’s idea of heaven might be one where they don’t need to worry about others wanting sex with them. Another’s might be one where everyone is happy to have sex with them. And another might be most happy in a monogamous relationship where they are with their partner and no one else is even interested in their partner. (Also what about widows and widowers who remarry?)
Or hell, a simpler example: three people, one of which considers the other two their very best friends while the other two only like that one and would rather not spend time with each other.
So unless there’s a new version of heaven for each set of desires (maybe even with a version of you that is happy there, to make those who want to be with you in that heaven happy), the whole thing will be great for some but probably miserable for many more (because you can’t please everyone), which defeats the entire premise of paradise for everyone.
Not that this disproves anything, for all I know the many versions one might be the case or maybe heaven exists but is only fun for some people (which honestly is consistent with how religion generally works on earth anyways).
Edit: fixed a word, plus added the bit about widows.
While I don’t believe in it’s literal existence, I do not find it to be contradictory. Sure, we like different things, but that’s mostly just us being born and raised in different environments. If heaven was true, then we would learn everything we need to find it heavenly.
Also, if one believes in heaven, they likely believe in god. Being omnipotent, I don’t think he’d have an issue creating a different realm for you inside the realm of heaven.
We’re all just a weird mycelium in some bacon after all. gettin hungry
there’s the story about dog heaven being squirrel hell.
the real hell is wherever people who gotta deal with those logistics go
Oh, so heaven and hell are just amazon.
You mean there is no anal heaven after all!?
No it’s real I swear, I can take you there
Giver.jpg or receiver.jpg?
Nono, theres definitely and after-life.
[old joke]
Joe dies and goes to Heaven. An angel meets him and says they are going to see his Mom.
“How did you know I wanted to see my Mom?”
“This is Heaven, we know everything and everyone gets exactly what they want most.”
Joe’s Mom loved flowers, and he finds her in a beautiful garden that goes on for miles and miles. Next he visits Dad, who has a 100 story tall garage with every kind of car and a dozen different race tracks to drive them on. His favorite teacher has a vast library; his coach has a team of all the greatest players; everyone is wonderfully happy.
Then he remembers his Aunt Petunia. He asks if she’s in Heaven.
The angel pulls out a monitor. Petunia is all alone in a giant city. She goes into building after building, laughing and clapping.
“Petunia always thought that she was the only person who deserved to go to Heaven, so we let her think she’s the only one up here.”
his coach has a team of all the greatest players;
Just casually owning people in heaven.
Isn’t that what the zodiac killer was all about?
I’ve told that joke for years, and you’re the very first person to equate “has a team” with “owns slaves.”
You might want to chat with someone about that.
I actually read the “owning” as video game lingo.
So I am imagining they are playing against a team that really enjoys losing.
What do you mean the coach doesn’t legally own the players?
What’s the fucking point of owning a sports team then?
Username checks out
It’s what I thought of too. It’s because of the premise:
“Everyone will get what they dream of”.
OK, so this guy has his dream team of players. I assume they are real people? What about what they want? Surely the entire team doesn’t want the exact same thing in heaven. And yet there they are, part of someone else’s dream team.
Seems like their agency has been taken away to satisfy one individual.
I think the premise of the joke is illogical because religion is illogical. Heaven is supposed to be perfect, but it can’t possibly be perfect for everybody.
If we’re going to overthink this joke, I would suggest none of it is real and this guy is living in a simulation.
I think the point is everyone would be sinless so it’ll be perfect for everyone. I don’t think the Christian view of heaven is a catering to what you want. It is a precursor to an eternal life in a world free from suffering, pain and death, like eden.
The players are actually in hell.
Or, and I know this might be a very difficult concept you’ve never heard of, the “players” are simulations of the real people.
If you know anyone who has ever played a “video game” [i know that these people are very rare and you’ve probably never actually met one] it is possible for a player to control a character. The character is controlled by the player, but the character acts like they would if they were alive.
I realize this is a vastly difficult philosophical question with profound implications, so approach it slowly.
So, what if in my heaven, I want everything to be real and not a simulation? I can play Madden on my Xbox on earth. Why would I want that in heaven?
Anyway, your joke created a fun philosophical conversation. Why ruin it by being nasty to others?
In the joke it says that each individual gets exactly what they want. Since it’s a place beyond the physical world, the rules of reality don’t apply. Maybe everyone who wants to hang out with Jesus or Talulah Bankhead* gets to hang with the authentic original.
Also, nowhere in the joke does it proclaim that your perfect afterlife ends in Heaven. Contextually, it’s obvious that the characters in the joke are Americans and Christians. There may be people who arrive and meet an angel that takes them back to Earth to reincarnate. Or they get reborn on another planet.
And I don’t think telling people to take their time when dealing with grave philosophical matters is nasty.
*Talulah Bankhead, self proclaimed slut and lover of Billie Holiday, among others.
Since Heaven is eternal, you will be able to eternally be personally hanging out with Jesus, and everyone else for that matter. It literally won’t end so you won’t ever be in a position where you’re never going to hang out with Jesus again. Even if there’s a thousand year waiting list. But even then time won’t seem unbearable because you’re immortal. There’s no reason to rush to get anything done.
Maybe you didn’t meant it to sound nasty, but the rest is your comment sounded a bit condescending. Below for instance.
and I know this might be a very difficult concept you’ve never heard of
Everything up until this comment at least made sense. The joke is about the guy learning about other real people’s heavens. If those people were only interacting with simulations, then the MC would also interact with simulations, wouldn’t he?
You can’t have exactly your way if you interact with real people.
He would be learning about simulated people’s heavens, so the joke doesn’t work anymore.
I realize this is a vastly difficult philosophical question with profound implications, so approach it slowly
Wouldn’t be your dream if it was all just an illusion. One doesn’t expect heaven to be all smoke and mirrors… I mean… If it were to exist.
I realize this is a vastly difficult philosophical question with profound implications, so approach it slowly.
Does heaven have a den or a basement or a garage I can hang out in by myself?
Ohhhh this is the bad place
youCanCallMeDragon figured it out? Oh this is a new low…
Right, I’ve always found the idea of heaven terrifying. I’ve got access to all kinds of entertainment and gazillion ways of communicating with friends and family, and I still don’t do that while all of us are alive and I’m easily bored or unimpressed, imagine now being immortal and in a place where everyone you’ve known exists and you can’t even make excuses like work or physical distance etc., to me that’s worse than life itself
I love this show so much.
If ALL of my dead relatives make it to heaven, I’d rather go to hell. Because a couple of them don’t deserve a good afterlife.
The theory of Heaven is that it’s a utopian existence because it is filled with ontologically benevolent people.
Also, you’re dead, so all those biological functions that produce anxiety don’t exist anymore.
If the biological functions that produce anxiety don’t exist anymore than surely the biological functions that produce happiness and love all cease to exist as well right?
Mortal happiness, certainly. But Orthodox Christians consider that sinful, too.
Shedding one is just as important as shedding the other.
Mortal happiness? So Immortal happiness still exists? What about Immortal anxiety? Does that exist?
So Immortal happiness still exists?
Buddhists define it as an absence of craving.
What about Immortal anxiety?
That’s hell.
I’m pretty sure Buddhists aren’t really allowed in the Christian Heaven so it seems a little irrelevant. I agree a Christian Heaven does seem like hell though.
I’m pretty sure Buddhists aren’t really allowed in the Christian Heaven
Prove it. Show me a Christian Heaven with no Buddhists in it.
I agree a Christian Heaven does seem like hell though.
A bunch of people sitting on clouds, playing harps, and vibing? Seems pretty chill to me.
ontologically benevolent people
Where are these people coming from though? Surely not Earth.
Most protestant churches do not require a believer to be perfect or benevolent to reach heaven only that they have earnest faith in God/Jesus/etc.
Where are these people coming from though? Surely not Earth.
Benevolence is a human concept measures by earthlings against the behavior of other earthlings. Earth is the only place it could come from.
Most protestant churches do not require a believer to be perfect or benevolent to reach heaven
I mean, YMMV by sect. But they all generally hold that some aspiration towards perfection is a requirement.
Death becomes a means of unfettering the individual from infernal constraints and self-actualizing. The rites and rituals of the faith are about pursuing perfection and pointing yourself in the correct direction.
Everyone has their own idea of what a utopia would like, I doubt it’s one size fits all
It’s a vibe, to be sure.
But it’s also a “we’ll know it when we see it” sort of thing. Folks who want to quibble about the exact definition of utopia are going to be the last to find it.
Reminds me of a little story by Steven Fry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzfCtGFgRSk
The TL DR if you don’t want to watch the 2 minute video.
spoiler
He winds up on a tour by the mormons, The leader talks about how when you die you go to be with all of your families forever, Steven raises his hand and asks “but what happens if you were good?”. and they asked him to leave the tour
God takes off his mask, revealing he’s actually the devil and this is Hell
Always has been
Classic Lemmy comment.
Or, in Heaven people don’t have anxiety?
or joy or pain or purpose
I assumed the guy doesn’t like his family
He doesn’t say he hates them, he’s afraid of having to socialize with them.
And, if it was Heaven, they wouldn’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do.
Besides, on this site a lot of people talk about their social anxiety
Fair enough
Can I get the version with just the pets?
