This article was posted 9/8/25. Two days prior to the death of Kirk.
Witches vs patriarchy has never been more literal.
ngl kinda tempted to hire some Etsy witches
You can try some Fiverr witches if you feel like taking a gamble. There was a scandal or two because of that knockoff mugwort they like to use, but in this economy I can’t really blame them for pinching pennies.
Even the Fiverr ones can be beat in price these days. I’ve got a local LLM running on my computer, I could set it chanting curses 24/7 for just a modest cost in electricity.
I mean, I can make a command prompt loop “may my enemies always have itchy bums” until I stop the command, but I don’t know if that carries the same power.
Quantity over quality.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry Etsy witches that I ever doubted your abilities.
I’m about to spend a ton of money on Etsy.
Imagine being that witch right now and feeling like you were jus thanked a Death Note
Salem Witch Trials repeat was not on my 2025 bingo card
nobody has been falsely accused of witchcraft
Is this how witches do “thoughts and prayers”?
The problem is that Trump claims lawlessness is the reason to send in the National Guard into cities. Kirk being shot dead at 31 on a campus isn’t just fuel to that fire, it’s a dumpster load of gas on the fire. Kirk was an ally of Trump. The fallout from this is not going to be good.
Don’t wish for Trump to die, because after him is Vance, and after that is Mike Johnson, which in layman’s terms is “more of the same in a younger body that can be elected twice”.
I can appreciate the sentiment, but do you honestly believe that Trump & friends need an excuse? They’ve fabricated every justification they’ve wanted in the past, so I don’t see how this makes him more or less likely to do Something Else Evil.
If anything, I would think it would give them pause. A brazen political assassination like this might suggest that their opposition might do more than march peacefully in the streets while he dismantles the country.
so I don’t see how this makes him more or less likely to do Something Else Evil.
you’re right, but it’s a matter of how much cooperation he gets and the cultural tone around him - Bush was able to invade Iraq because of 9/11, sometimes political violence really does create a cultural backlash and writes a blank check for retaliation
A brazen political assassination like this might suggest that their opposition might do more than march peacefully in the streets while he dismantles the country.
maybe, but this is exactly the kind of conflict he craves - one fought with guns and blood, it is the preference of authoritarians in power and who desperately wishes to wield the military against his political enemies
The kind of violence that will give pause won’t be an assassination that delivers a perfect rhetorical moment to justify the political violence he wants to normalize and bring about.
I could wish for all three to die.
Then I’m sure you’ll enjoy the 91-year-old Iowan Republican Chuck Grassley as president.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_line_of_succession
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_pro_tempore_of_the_United_States_Senate
After him, Cabinet secretaries, depending on eligibility. Just imagine the next President Kennedy…
Do Etsy witches run out of mana?
Can we just keep sending them bottles of this?
I’m no longer wishing. I’m giving $5 to the Esty Witch and im expecting.
Dw bro if Trump goes down there’ll probably be enough guillotines on the streets for everyone that you dislike.
But Utah votes red
So does Tennessee.
- Rep. Andy Ogles calls for National Guard to be deployed in Nashville
https://www.wkrn.com/news/local-news/nashville/ogles-calls-natl-guard-nashville/
- Memphis, TN, federal officials discussed National Guard deployment to crack down on crime
Do you have any idea what it would cost to deploy the national guard in every state? Even just the red ones over a month or so would bankrupt this administration’s ability to mobilize.
You don’t need to deploy them in every state or even all the red ones. You need the threat of deploying the national guard to a city or region that doesn’t please the Donald. And threats have any monetary cost.
I don’t know. I think people have a tendency to not believe things like sending in the military against citizens and political opponents will be allowed to happen until they see it. It’s never happened in most of our lifetimes.
And there I was, in the year of our Lord 2025, staring at my computer, chatting with a witch on Etsy about the state of the world, hoping that somewhere between the cosmos and the internet, justice would be served.
And Lo, . . .
Adding that note about not condeming the violence is pathetic. They could have left it as is perfectly fine but there goes Jezebel showing the side they are happy to comply with.
I want to believe that’s for legal purposes, but I’ve been let down before.
The side of basic humanity?? How could they.
Has everyone already been radicalized??? You can’t even say, “we joke but we didn’t want him to die, this is a terrible thing,” without being branded as some kind of political turncoat?? What the fuck, people.
Clutching your pearls after a fascist gets shot isn’t basic humanity. It’s being intimidated. Honestly only terrible people think it’s terrible that Charlie Kirk got shot.
Sooooo, where can we find these witches? They got their work cut out for them
Etsy apparently
Thought I was in a captcha black hole for a minute there, but eventually I got through.
And holy shit, is that considered murder? And if so, is it the witch, or the person buying the curse who’s the murderer?
During the first Trump administration I made a game of trying to come up with responses to events that were too stupid even for Trump to make, and I kept losing because he would find ways to top me. I gave it up for the second Trump administration because there’s no way I’d keep up.
But I’ll come out of retirement for this one: president-ordered witch-burnings. Let’s see how he manages to top that one.
magic does not legally exist in the usa. yet.
Both
ETA: we don’t know how the karma will balance.
