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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:
when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue
to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence
Because these posts lump all men without relationships together. Does the Tumblr user above make any mention of exceptions? Nope. The post boils down to men who didn’t date didn’t succeed because “skill issue”. This would imply that regardless of any other possible causes, I am deserving of ridicule because I don’t live life like you.
You yourself make assumptions about me. I was right to say “because of social anxiety, btw, not that you’d care”, because immediately here’s a reply that implies my social anxiety is not real, or it is but it’s not relevant. You assume the worst of me because I dare not have a girlfriend. This is precisely the issue. I’ve long since moved on from pursuing dating. I don’t care if I never have a girlfriend anymore. However, what I do care is if people assume I’m a horrible piece of shit because of it.
Long story short, your comment is case in point: It does not matter what I say. My reply to you is useless. I never had a girlfriend and therefore anything I say is discarded because I have to be an asshole in order for that to be the case.
I’m not Vreyan31. But I just wanted to pick on this point of yours:
The thing is all posts lump all things together. Most posts assume they are talking to the average person/situation. It’s not just relationship skill issue posts.
If, for example, someone made a spelling skill issue post. I would agree, even though I am dyslexic and I have bad spelling. Spelling is generally something people can work on to improve. I can work on it for improvement too, but with 100x less return on investment. That is why I don’t practice improving my spelling, it isn’t worth my time as opposed to other tools.
It’s hard to be the non-average person in these posts, so I get it.
The thing is no one can make a relationship skill issue post and list all the exceptions. The post would be 100 pages long.
So you have to ask yourself, is this post really targeting you.
I want to discuss the first statement in your last reply - about “lumping all single men together”.
That is just how quantification of anything works. If we were talking about unemployment, or number of people with blue cars, or days with rain - if there is an increase, you mark on the sum increase over the previous baseline, and discuss potential reasons for the new influx.
If you think you are part of the previous baseline - guys who would have been single in past generations, then the discussion doesn’t apply to you. Even if no one goes through and specifically excludes you. Because the influx is what is being discussed - not the baseline.
But I don’t think you are actually upset at being lumped in with the influx. I think you are upset because the guys in the influx are being rediculed and you desperately want to find a reason to both be mad about that and to say those criticisms don’t apply to you.
You say you don’t want to be assumed to be a PoS bc you don’t have a gf.
If you really are not trying to date, I don’t think you run the risk of that.
The criticism in the top post is directed at guys who are obsessed with their dating status - but see it as a game they are losing, and women as objects to be manipulated into what they want.
If you are trying to date but see women as hostile opponents to be ‘managed’, you are going to act like a PoS.
What determines your PoS status isn’t your dating status - it’s whether you see and treat women as fully equal people with the same expectations to dignity and respect as your guy friends, or if you see women as alien beings on an opposing team - targets to potentially be manipulated to get what you long for, or targets of resentment for withholding or being inaccessable for what you long for.
If you are truly single and don’t have any resentments towards women about it, you are unlikely to come off as a PoS.
But honestly, that isnt how your comments are coming off
No.
No.
No one assumes this just because you don’t have a girlfriend. It is the narrative you have around the lack of girlfriend that gives that away.
You, like most incels and misogynists, are a vulnerable narcissist. That is why you are constantly playing victim and changing the narrative to fit the idea that you’re a victim. That is also why you have social issues - you don’t know how to love unconditionally/engage in radical acceptance. However, you’re going to pathologically change this info I gave you into you being a victim somehow, and you can just save it. I don’t care and won’t give you any narcissistic supply to feed your victim narrative.
Go. back. to. reddit.
Weird thing to say at the end of a comment where you proved every concern of his right
It is not my job to manage his feelings. That’s caretaking a narcissist and makes them worse. It’s ok to communicate (ie “I do not care”) and put up boundaries (I won’t respond). Further, his main concern was that him not having a girlfriend makes others label him as weird - no. It’s that he himself is weird, not anything to do with women. So no, I did nothing to “confirm” his false beliefs, it is not my job as a woman to caretake or cater to his fears or perform emotional labor for men. Grow up.
But nice attempt at DARVO there
You dregs from reddit are so much worse than the Eternal November dregs from Twitter, at least most of those had a couple brain cells to rub together and maybe also one or two original thoughts in their entire life.
You just called him a narcissist for expressing his feelings.
It went from him saying “maybe don’t attack men over their relationship status” and you take offense at “not being the caretaker of their emotions” and continue to attack him, while also invoking the very same darvo you’re employing…
How are you lacking this much self awareness?
No, I didn’t, read again.
No, he didn’t, read again.
I’m not going to cater to you either, just letting you know since you clearly have the same vulnerable narcissism lmfao. Go pound sand
You have a real knack for demonstrably defeating your own arguments as you are making them. It’s honestly impressive.
Do you even know what narcissism is? You’re just throwing that at everyone who cares to point how how wrong you are, regardless of any lack of speaking about themself.
Lol amazing, so much projection and grandiosity in that comment alone. Go away, boring. No one cares.
There’s no projection here. You’ve been throwing unprompted insults at everyone that responds to you all over this thread.
You can stop pretending you’re the one in the right, here. No one else buys it.
You continue to lack any self awareness.
Actually it is lumping together the people who self identify as belonging to a “male loneliness epidemic”.
Something that is kinda counterintuitive if you just think about it for a second… Can a demographic of people have an epidemic of loneliness. If they’re so lonely why don’t they just be friends? Are there not other men experiencing the same anxieties as you in this self identified group?
Again…it seems like loneliness isn’t the issue. It seems you’re just doing the thing the og post accused people of doing. If it’s not about sex, why don’t you just make some guy friends, or just friends who happen to be girls?
No it’s not, they said “to all the men out there not getting laid.” How dare a man out there not getting laid assume the post is talking about him just because it literally is?
I mean, yeah. There are plenty of other men experiencing the same anxieties, and talking about them in threads like this. And then we get people like that lusty argonian lass replying to us calling us narcissists and incels because we had the audacity to talk about these anxieties. And of course, the fact that we don’t like being called incels and narcissists is PROOF that we’re incels and narcissists.
You know there’s more to a relationship than sex, yeah? Like, I assume you don’t see your SO as nothing more than a sex dispenser. I also assume you see your relationship with your SO as fundamentally different from your relationships with other friends. Lemme know if I’m wrong about either of those.
Also, the guy you’re replying to isn’t complaining about the fact that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s complaining about the fact that people treat him like some kind of weirdo because he doesn’t have a girlfriend
Edit to add:
This completely ignores the heart of the issue, the fact that the mechanisms by which we are able to make friends have largely been taken away from us. Everything costs money now, money that people don’t have. There is a dearth of affordable third places, and widespread internet use has ensured that what third places there still are have fewer people than ever to meet.
Ahh yes… The second statement is made without any regard to the context of first statement.
If that’s the case, what’s wrong with advising men who aren’t getting laid to focus on self improvement?
Sooo… If you are all so lonely, I suggest you be friends. You already have a bunch in common. Then you’d have no reason to blame everyone else for your inability to build meaningful relationships! Some how I don’t think you’re just looking for male companionship…
Yeah… But I don’t rely solely on my wife for companionship. It’s not exactly healthy to be emotionally codependent.
Besides a closer physical intimacy… Not really. My best friend and his wife are very dear to me and I would share anything with them that I would share with my wife.
Idk, kinda seems like he tries to misdirect all his issues to the fact that he doesn’t have a partner. It’s really not abnormal to be single, especially now a days.
And once again, I am accused of lying because it doesn’t fit your narrative. I’m not even gonna expand further on the fact that I do have friends who happen to be girls. The reason I won’t expand further is because you’ll just assume I am lying about it. Just as Vreyan31 did, and just as you did.
You are purposedly pretending not to understand that my issue is not sex, it’s people assuming I am a piece of shit for not having sex. And to further your own view, you just prove my point, which is that people will disregard anything I say just cause I didn’t have a relationship. Seems that the person obsessed with sex isn’t me. I’m not the one making judgements of others based on whether they did it or not.
When did I accuse you of lying? I think you may be misunderstanding the original post, and the social implementations of a more reclusive generation butting against traditional social norms. However, id hardly say that’s an accusation of lying.
Then how does your situation apply to the original claim, and why do you think you belong in the “male loneliness epidemic”?
Who made that claim? You interpreted that based on the original post…but if you have friends, why do you consider yourself lonely?
Being friends with people is a relationship… The only thing anyone can logically conclude based on the framework of this post is that your self identification of belonging to the epidemic revolves around sex.
Okay, so you have plenty of friends, even with girls. But you are still identifying as being part of the male loneliness epidemic because of…? What exactly?
They are a vulnerable narcissist, like most misogynists/incels. They pathologically must pretend to be a victim to curate their delusions about women.
https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901
At the very least there is some serious cognitive dissonance going on…
If this isn’t about “women withholding sex” as they claim…then what is it about? Like, how am I supposed to make you have friends? Relationships of any sort are hard work, no one just hands you their time and effort.
By their own words, it is about being criticized and thus victimized (they equate the two) by society for not having a girlfriend. No matter what you say, this is their victim narrative that they have to keep repeating over and over again to confirm their delusions that they are a massive victim to society. Anything you say will be interpreted as an attack so they can self victimize and feed their vulnerable narcissist beliefs. It is in every comment they’ve written here, nearly algorithmic.