- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
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Can you just turn up the happy setting on the world a tick or two? Just enough to get everyone to chill the fuck out.
Sadly I can’t alter others directly due to Wizard Code of Ethics… But yeah we as a species should collectively chill the fuck out I agree.
I want [a pocket dimensional teleporter]
Granted, your pocket is a worm hole into another dimension, but the location hqppens to be a pocket of the same size and constant, stable connection has been created. Making it feel like a normal pocket.
I wish for you to have a nice day
Thank you. I will make sure to fulfill your wish! Guess I’ll go to the cinema tonight afterall :)
Just erase me mate
Hey I hope you are ok. I would never do that to you. I hope that whatever you are going through will pass and that you don’t give up on living, as painful as that might be right now.
I just want you to know that this random internet wizard wannabe is sincerely wishing you well and hopes you can catch a break from all the shit life is throwing at you right now.
Oh! I was supposed to get pickles! Dill, though. If there’s only sweet, don’t bother.
Your mind seems to be in conflict, but I see that this is due to another person here summoning a demon which is distorting your ability to think right now. I’ll bring you potatoes, oil and herbs (to make chips in the oven) to remove the effect.
If this offer is still available I’d like a cool skirt with pockets and a comfy cloak that avoids dragging on stairs.
Read only after drafting response to first half.
To me it sounds like you’re not really a wizard but rather went to magic school to become a magic lawyer and picked up some cantrips between ethics classes…
Cloaks need to come back into style, so granted. But skirt with pockets? You’ll only find that in the school of [email protected]. Those witches are powerful beyond my ability.
Edit after reading the second part: Rude, How dare you! I might have barely passed but I’m still a full member of the Wizard School Alumni! I take the cloak back, thank you.
Which reality? I want tacos if it has them, or ghunsht if it has them, but I’ll settle for plzgtsk’ or some portabello mozzarella sticks.
What have you done! You just summoned the great Acos’sht’gtsk!
Edit: and they brought portabello mozzarella sticks - all good.
I would also like the ability to bend reality to my will
Wizard school was a scam, just become a sorcerer/ess and save your money.
Yeah. They only taught me how to help people install software
Whatever as long as it pays the bills 🧙♂️
Giant Space Laser that automatically zaps the 100 evilest people in the world each day. Determined by who negatively impacted the quality of life of the most people that day.
Done, but it can’t penetrate a specific magical shield (sunscreen) and it’s eco friendly so it’s a bit slow. Gets faster with time though as the evil people keep doing evil things and unfortunately doesn’t discriminate who it zaps :( wear your magishields (sunscreen)!
I wish my niece wasn’t sick.
I feel like I shouldn’t joke about this one as it might be more than a flu, so I won’t write a joke comment. I sincerely hope that your niece gets better and I wish them strenght to fight biology against all odds. I know that your niece is loved, because you writing this comment means that they are in your thoughts, and that makes me happy.
Love them unconditionally and you will also give them strength to carry on and fight their body or external attacks against the body. The world throws shit at us every chance it gets, but your niece is a strong warrior who has survived until now. Support them, give them love, be there for them so they can build up their strenght when it’s momentarily waining.
Your spells are mighty strong, Mr. Wizard. Thank you.
Let’s try: I want P=NP
could you just make P equal big P please
Request error: P undefined. Generating best approximation … Urination will now take 30 minutes.
My staff just said P≠NP
Could you please remove extremism from the human noosphere?
Unfortunately I can not directly alter the human mind as it’s against the wizard code of ethics :( But I do that on my own and try to do my best to remove ignorance and hate from the minds of people with the power of projecting compassion where possible. If a human is too deep in their own ignorance, then I try to protect others around them to the best of my ability.
We’ll I guess I’ll just have to let the SCP Foundation know that I’ve found a dangerous reality bender. Unless you want to rethink that stance.
I mean… I’m just a jobless dude with a long beard… spare some change? No wizardry or magic hoopity poopitys here sir.
Ok, then put a “truthiness” meter on all media, which can’t be removed. It should not beat around the bush: if something is a lie, it should say “lie!” If someone is lying, it should say “liar!” If someone truly believes something, but are simply wrong or misinformed, it should have a truthiness meter.
It should do this for all news, anything masquerading as news, and televangelists. Fiction presented as fiction without pretense of being fact is exempt.
The meter should resist all attempts at hiding, filtering, and removal. It should apply to all media.
I … uh … did I tell you I can conjure a sandwich? Sandwiches are pretty nice. And takes away the helpless feeling we have when we can’t directly affect the world in the way we would like to.
A sandwich will restore your energy, give you a sense of control (since you choose what your sandwich is made out of) and encourages you to make noise, sign petitions and spread the word about the dangers of mis/disinformation and why someone would want to spread such information.
Conjure your sandwich, then plant the seed of that truthmeter into the minds of people.
A sandwich? That was always an option? Heck, I’ll take the sandwich!
Granted, your next sandwich will be delicious. Knowing this: chew slower, enjoy it!
Thank you, Wizard!
What makes a man turn neutral?
A good ph buffer
Can you bring me some of that “existential wonder” feeling, you know, the opposite of existential dread? I’ve been having a bit of a surplus of the latter, if anyone wants any…
Granted, please study this scroll (website): https://www.gapminder.org/
(BEFORE YOU ENTER THAT WEBSITE READ THIS: I know people are incredibly pessimistic about good news on lemmy, but please know that the linked website was created by Hans Rosling (RIP), his family and the foundation they created to carry on his work. Hans Rosling was a swedish physician and an academic who wrote “Factfulness” (that I highly recommend to everyone, even though it was pre-corona pandemic) and who believed in a better world enough to dedicate his life to make it better)
I want you to put a 32-bit buffer into people’s brains so that when they’re attempting to do evil, when they cross the threshold, it automatically buffer overflows back onto the good side.
I want it to be like, “I was going to rape and murder this school bus full of children, but instead I made them cupcakes”.
I can’t directly alter humans due to the Wizard Code of Ethics :( but I know of a warlock…
Unbend my back pretty please!
I’m sorry today is all about bending, unbendings only on monday and tuesday between 11:11 - 13:23 :(
![Everybody gets one [choose wisely]](https://lemmy.zip/pictrs/image/01571a61-e9d0-4876-b03c-6ae9c2061d0d.webp){kind=link}